How can my mom easily divorce my dad?

Question

I live in Florida, as does my parents. My mother has stood by my father for over thirty years, raising his grandson from a former marriage, being his unpaid secretary for his two businesses, taking his flack, and so much more. He always gives her the short end of the stick (little or no money, emotional abuse, not setting up a will that will leave her with security if he dies first). For the last couple of years, he has closed out their joint bank account and put all the money under his name several times. He did it the first time because she started getting a social security check and wanted to keep that piddly check for her personal needs (clothes, food, cigarettes, toiletries, and a bit of fun-- like eating out once in a while). My dad is no good with the money anyway, forgetting to pay bills and so on. My mom would like to divorce him, but lawyers say it will cost her $5000, up front! Besides, she would have to sue for her part of things! Is there a better way?

Some responses: (*** means it might be a good answer)
1. My dad will contest it.
2. She has talked to more than one lawyer.
3. I don't believe my dad is cheating.
4. The domestic violence idea has not been tried. ***
5. Legal aid refused to help her.
6. An online legal form might help. ***
7. The children are all adults, though the oldest girl from his first marriage thinks she deserves to inherit everything if he dies.
8. The divorce law info might help. ***
9. My dad cares about nothing but money, so he will "screw her out of all she deserves."
10. tiffany j: my dad loves nothing but money and it was a marriage of convenience on both counts. The pair can barely tolerate each other but need each other, as well. It's making them both sick.
11. If my mom gives my dad everything, she will have nothing-- ever. She cannot hold a job due to medical problems.
12. They won't talk to a mediator.
13. She has nothing of value-- not a ring, credit card, or car.

To Fishgutts: I am asking for advice on her behalf. She doesn't know how to use a computer at all.

For general information: My mom thinks my dad may have Alzheimer's but can't prove it and can't get him to be checked. She doesn't want to try to force anything on him. As for me, I am grown but stuck living with them for now. While I'm working on that situation, I'm trying to help my mom find some solutions to her problems-- medical, emotional, physical, familial, and otherwise. As for my opinion of my father's mental condition, I think he has a bit of mental deficiency due to not getting more than three hours of sleep at a time, but, moreover, he's a greedy man who never believes he owes anyone anything, not thanks nor credit nor payment. He does nothing he thinks will not bring him more money. He is arrogant and egotistical. That said, I love both my parents, but don't want them to keep arguing and making each other and themselves sick because they are unhappy.

Answer 1

If the divorce is uncontested...less than $500

Answer 2

I had 4 stepdads growing up and I hated all of them. The last one she married twice and he was a schizophrenic. I finally ran away from home at 14. I was gone for about a week and she lost it. She put me in juvenile hall and I told her to leave me in there until she divorces him or I will go to court and ask to be put in a foster home. I finally went to a foster home. She divorced him and then I went home. She never remarried. Kids COME FIRST. I am 51 and have raised 2 sons. I never remarried while raising my children and still never married. My children are more important than any man. Your mother will really regret it when you are old enough to leave the house. She will be so sorry and you will be HAPPY. She will have a lot of guilt. She is probably trying to stay married so she can provide for you. But, I would rather have it hard and be poor than to have to put up with a man and give my kids a hard time. Tell her all this. Tell her how you feel and you have a right if you are over 14 to live with another parent/guardian - did you know that? It is okay to threaten her and tell her you will leave. If you can't do that, then you will have to ignore it. Go to your own little world in your bedroom and think about your future and how great it will be when you leave the house. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 3

Hello,

First : After thirty years of marriage nothing is easy
Second : Not your problem
Third : Mom needs to get a back bone or at lest be
willing to help herself.
Fourth : Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom
before they can see the forest through the trees
Fifth : Just be there when mom needs you for a shoulder
to lean on.

You sound like a very good daughter and that is good because when mom decides to make that move she will need your straight and guidance.

Answer 4

1st - each state's domestic relations laws are different, however you do need to check and see what community property laws are in Florida. Your Dad MAY not have the leisure of leaving your mom with nothing.

2nd.- Were she to decide on divorce yes, a contested divorce costs a lot ....however were your Dad to agree to mediation maybe he could cough up enough maintenance/alimony to allow your mom to live comfortably.

Other than a discordant marriage it does not sound like she could easily get a divorce on any kind of abuse allegation...and as long as she has room and board and medical care any court would consider her to be currently well cared for.

You state she cannot work due to medical reasons, so she is somewhat between a rock and a hard place.

Maybe the best thing for her to do would be to decide to stay; yet begin to develop for herself A LIFE....an interest; a friend or two outside the marriage and begin viewing herself as someone different than a VICTIM [old adage - we teach people how to treat us] If she begins to stand up for what she deserves, just what can he do? NOTHING! He cannot put her out because no court in the land would stand for it as legally HE has accustomed her to a particular lifestyle and would have to continue it.

So he gets mad - so what? - it takes two to tango and without a partner getting mad becomes dull as heck.

FYI - your Dad sounds like a bully - but bullies only survive because they are ALLOWED TO.

Try to get your mom to domestic violence workshop where they also discuss bully type spouses and how to assert oneself.

Continue to be there for her emotionally, but help HER gain the skills to improve her own life.

Best of fortune to you all.

Answer 5

Legal fees differ from one lawyer to another. As another poster said - you can get a divorce for less than $500 if it is amicable and uncontested but it sounds like that isn't going to be the case for your mother. Does she have a credit card? She can charge the amount or sell her wedding ring to pay for it. She'll be much better off if she files first and keeps it from your father until she's ready to serve him papers. If she does this, she can get his assets frozen etc to keep him from spending all the money. She should also get an inunction that keeps him from quitting his job and have him pay income disparity until the divorce is final.

Answer 6

Your mother has to leave your dad. I don't think he has appreciated her all these years. I really empathy your mum who has been living with such a scoorge for years. She is a great mum who loves you and hoping to give you the best of the family. Try to seek legal help, i am sure that there are lawyers who will let your mum pay the fees by installment. It will take a longer time but rather than continuing your mum's misery. I am sure she is living in agony in her heart. Your father has to give her half of his assets.

Answer 7

When I divorced my husband I wanted out. I let him have everything and I just started over It wasn't easy at times but I had family.I knew if I wanted "my share " he could drag it out for years
So here I am better then I would of been if I wanted my share.So needless to say I gave him everything the divorce was a snap

Answer 8

move her stuff out little by little when he is away sleeping until she has whats she wants and do the final move when he is sleeping, have her move in with you or family where it is safe. get a restraining order and have he file for spousal support kind of like child support considering he agreed to her not having an income which means he agreed to support her which means he is legally responsable to help her with living expences also if she wants to go to school he has to pay for that too.... MIDNIGHT MOVE when he isnt looking though! also she is his wife she can go to he bank ad get money without him. they are legally bound what ever is his is hers too...... have her clear out the account! screw him!

Answer 9

The better way is to not get your children involved, then lawyers don't usually take the money up front they take it out of the settlement....

Answer 10

Three words: Legal Forms Online

Google it.

Answer 11

the easy way out is to give up every thing ,let him have it.she is getting the short in of the stick.in more ways than one.she needs to be happy and not to depend on a man.men are dogs,sorry,but they are.she can always replace her stuff,but never her life.she is not a child or his slave,she needs her freedom,and the only way is to walk out and leave every thing behide,and get a fresh start in life,it will be hard ,but she will never no until she does,no one should have to live in any kind of abuse.i did and i finely took my walking papers and got out of it.just be there for her.