I have felt for a long time my fiance doesnt treat me nicely and with respect but he has really crossed the line lately.
When we get along we get along GREAT we have fun and we really love eachother but sometimes i think that he is bipolar..he will turn on me in a flash and will be the most hateful mean person and he says things that really hurt me like calling me a bit*h and telling me to shut the F up.I know he is going through a lot with the law so I try to be understanding but I dont think it is fair to take it out on me so bad. The other day he got mad at the laptop and threw it at my legs.Then he tells me I'm the one with the problem and that I have 2 personalities...Its always me not him. I want to leave but I am stuck. all my family and friends live 1,500mls away.we are in the middle of an ice storm and they say dont drive on the roads, he told me to quit bitching and leave. Is there a way to reason with someone like this? I dont know if I should stay or leave
2007-01-16 04:45:17 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If I tell him that I think he is being abusive he laughs at me and says what a joke. He really believes I am the one witht the problem. I cry nonstop and he has no idea what he always tells me what a greeat life I have and how I am so lucky
2007-01-16 04:53:45 · update #1
I understand where you are coming from. No matter how much he says your the problem your not the problem. He has the problem and he need to confront whatever it is that's causing this behavior. He has signs of a person that is verbally & emotionally abusive and anger management problems. He has to resolve the anger before he can change. It always starts off as verbal abuse then it leads to physical. You need to set down with him and have true heart to heart. Let him know how you truly feel. Tell him you a willing to help him resolve his anger problem if he is willing change. Give him an anger management tip every day stick it on his desk or computer. After talking to him and he doesn't want to change LEAVE get out while you can.
2007-01-16 05:09:36 · answer #1 · answered by Hello 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to get out NOW!!! First of all if he really loved you he wouldn't be treating you this way....there is no excuse for his behaviour. If he is having problems with the lawits because of what he has done....not you. Do you know why he is having the problems he is having with the law, maybe he has had a past of abusive behaviour maybe even worse. If you really want to leave there is no such thing as being stuck. Please for your sake find a way out and do what you have to do to get back with your family. If he has a mood disorder or is just in a bad mood chances are there is nothing you are going to be able to do to reason with him. If he is telling you in a mad rage to leave I don't think he loves you like you think he does. Either he is hinting that he doesn't want you there anymore but doesn't want to come right out and say it or he could be giving you warning signs meaning he may be on the verge of doing something very harmful to you if you don't get out. Never trust an untreated mood disorder
2007-01-16 13:27:20 · answer #2 · answered by angeleyes1981_25 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It takes a lot to leave a cruel relationship. Having been in a violent relationship and a mentally cruel one, the way I decided what I was doin was to put myself 10years in the future. In 10 years can you see him being the same, better, worse? Look at how you would be in 10 years ( how you are feeling now but 10 times worse) remember you are the only one who can stop physical/mental/emotional abuse. You also have to think he threw the laptop at you, ok this time was your legs what happens if he's cooking and gets mad, is that boiling water being thrown at you, or a knife. If you are going to go can you stay with someone close to where you are till the storm is over? Think carefully. Be SAFE!!!!!!
2007-01-16 12:57:23 · answer #3 · answered by maidmaz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wait out an ice storm while surfing your local newspaper ads for a place to live. Have it lined up, and get someone to come and help you move your stuff. Call the police if necessary. Being "away" from your family and friends is no reason to put up with an abusive person.
2007-01-16 12:53:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
do you think you have been more than understanding and have done more than your part to make the relationship work??
If yes then its time for you to realize there is no more that you can do to get thru to him and for you to leave.. the fact that your family is so far away is an obstacle but i assume you do have a job and could support yourself financialy so being away from your family shouldn't matter much but if you'd feel better being close to them talk to your family about moving back closer to them..
however.. if the answer to the question is no.. then you need to figure out how you could help him get the help he needs, whether it be medical diagnosis and treatment or some kind of counseling..
2007-01-16 12:53:50 · answer #5 · answered by Mouseling 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't know then here it is. LEAVE do not stay with someone who verbally abuses you plus is starting to physically abuse you. If the ice storm is what is holding you back then call the police on him maybe they can help you out and take you to a shelter until you find the money to go back to your family.
2007-01-16 12:52:53 · answer #6 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, Please LEAVE. PLEASE! This guy sounds crazy and this a typical way for an abuser to act. They blame it on the victim. Things will only get worst. Even if you can't go to family until after th storm go to a friends house. This person should not be your friend let alone a fiance. This is not a healthy relationship and it could be dangerous for you. Know one who really love you would disrespect and make you feel threatened in anyway. My best advice is to say nothing else to him and LEAVE ASAP.
2007-01-16 12:52:42 · answer #7 · answered by Diamond 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okkkk!
Leave. He is in trouble with the law and treats you like ****....yup time to go. Better yet have him arrest for throwing the laptop at you then he gets to leave. Stop looking for excuses to stay (ice storm family 1500 miles away) he is starting to be abusive and won't those excuses look a little less with two black eyes?
2007-01-16 12:50:29 · answer #8 · answered by rcbricker33 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
leave, leave,leave. been there, done that. it will only get worse. next time it may be a bottle he's throwing at your head or a fist at your face. he's violent and verbally abusive. no amount of love will help this situation.don't even try to reason with him. he will just turn it around on you and make it your fault. look in your phone book for a domestic violence center or abuse hotline. they can and will help you. especially if you are isolated far away from family and friends. and as scary as it may be call 911 the next time he gets violent. be strong. you do not deserve to be mentally or physically abused. you have the right to be safe and happy. please do whatever you have to do to leave. you will be in my thoughts. i wish you strength and courage.
2007-01-16 13:07:53 · answer #9 · answered by Flowerchild 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey is this really how you want the rest of your life to be like. Go home. Tell the @#$hole to get a life. No one deserves to be treated that way for any reason. The minute the strom is gone get the hec out of there. Go be happy.
2007-01-16 12:58:59 · answer #10 · answered by diana b 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋