how can fathers turn their back on their children?

Question

I am a single mother of two beautiful children aged 10 and 7,their father walked out when i was 4 months pregnant with the 7 yr old.there has been no contact since eventhough he lives 10 miles away and we lived in the same town for a year after the break up..he has never seen his daughter ! he has now remarried and has 2 children by his new wife...we might as well not exist...we get no financial or emotional support....how can people do this to their children? my children have not asked yet but some day they will..what am i going to tell them?

i have tried to get child support but as the laws go ...as long as he is claiming benefits he is seen as not being in a position to contribute financially..conveniently he has been unemployed continously !!! and of course as the law sees it his current wife and children who are resident with him have the priority...the fact that i work my butt off is another disadvantage cause i'm not seen as being in desperation financially !! it sucks to say the least..the law is crap !

Answer 1

yes it is very sad how some guys can just walk away from there kids i really don't know how they do it cause i know as a single mom as well i could never be with out my kids ((ever))
but i don't know what to say girl cause i don't know how they can do it maybe its cause they care more about them self's and they think the can come and go as they please with out the kids its sick if you ask me ..... child support lol what the hell is that ........ and as for your kids not asking believe me they will and when they do girl don't lie to them (( or for him ))
tell them what happy in a nice way ...... there will be a time when he comes back to see your kids and you know what your kids are not going to want anything to do with them and he has no one to blame but him self ...............all you can do girl is go on about your life with your kids and take care of them the best way you can yes there will be some hard times come and go but hun you have one of the best thing god can give you your kids ....good luck girl

Answer 2

I am a true believer in both parents contributing to children they have both made - emotionally and financially. Putting the financial topic aside - I cannot understand how a parent, mother or father can possibly be so heartless to not see their children. That is inconceivable in my head. Children are the most wonderful things in the world. I don't know how he lives with himself. How does he look himself in the mirror every morning knowing he has 2 kids, yet he went on to have another 2, totally neglecting his first 2 borns. Furthermore, he does not appear to be making an effort to get a job. There is a name for his kind - a loser. You will have to tell your children the truth, and nothing but the truth. But you'll have to pick your words carefully, especially whilst they are so young. You don't want them to think that they are unloved by 'dad' (which they obviously are), but it can affect them psychologically. For the time being, tell them that daddy has an important job and travells a lot, but he comes to see them when they are asleep once a month. This may buy you some time until they begin to understand how relationships sometimes don't work out, but I tell you now, they will need to know the truth in time. Good luck, keep your head high. When their dad gets old and lonely, he'll have no-one. What goes around, comes around.

Answer 3

First of all I am divorced with 2 kids also and this man should be paying child support regardless if he sees them or not. I want to know why he isn't having to pay child support? My ex-husband has remarried now and his new wife has 2 kids from a previous marriage and he has decided to be daddy to her kids but he only attempts to see his own kids like twice a year if they are lucky. I guess when divorce occurs men decide they have no more family ties to even their kids from the relationship. My ex-husband also asked to me lower his child support now that he is taking care of his wife's 2 kids. I just feel like kicking his a**. My son also crys alot at least twice a week wanting to see his daddy. I told my son I can't make his dad come get him. This is so heart breaking for these kids. If divorce wasn't bad enough for them then these dads just leave them out in the cold. I feel your pain. Another sad thing is you are left to deal with all the emotional issues with these kids. Your ex couldn't care less if his kids are alive and well let alone emotionally damaged. I guess there isn't alot you can tell your kids except the truth even though their little hearts will break. Here is my e-mail and write me and tell me why he isn't having to at least pay child support on these kids. [e-mail]

Answer 4

I feel your pain. My 15 & 16 yr olds father hasn't seen them since they were 2 & 3. He rarely pays his support, he is behind $26,000 plus. My youngest daughter is 9 and her father doesn't even call her. Not even on her birthday. He does pay his support though. I would go and collect child support for your children, he has the responsibility to help you out with them. Word of advice though, do not talk about what he is doing in front of your kids. Some people do. Let your children find out on their own how their father really is. It will hurt but you just have to be there for them and love them like you are mommy and daddy. It really sucks I know.

Answer 5

I don't understand it either. After giving birth, I was so overwhelmed with the wonder of it all, there is no way I could walk away from my child. I am fortunate to have a husband that is just as protective and loving with our child. I was worried for him at first because when his parents divorced (he was about 18 at the time), his dad only wanted to see him when he wanted something. After a few nasty years and some court time, the dad finally quit all together. We live in the same county, travel some of the same roads, and my husband hasn't actually laid eyes on his dad in several years. The man has never seen any of his grandchildren either, but after the history, I feel ok about it. I actually stood face to face with the man last weekend, about three feet apart and he didn't know who I was. He can't even remember his daughter's married name.
I find it sad that you ex was able to walk away and has not provided any support. If you are ready and willing for more court and lawyers, you can fight that. In some states it is an enforced violation to not pay it and they will garnish his wages or his tax returns. Ask your lawyer about that. I would focus on loving your kids and having a life together. It is his loss that he isn't experiencing the joy they could be bringing him. And you're right. Sooner or later they will ask. All you can do is explain to them about why the two of you divorced. when they ask why he never wanted to see them you'll have to tell them the truth: that you don't know his reasons or what he was feeling. I wouldn't lie to them, but there is no reason to get into graphic details of the divorce or talk nasty about their dad. They might only get angry at you later for that. If they express anger or sadness about the situation, encourage them to write a letter to him about it. They don't have to send it to him, but it may help them unload some of the natural grief over the situation.

Answer 6

Why not pursue child support? He shouldn't get away scott free imo. You cannot make him love or want to see your children, but you can remind him they exist and get some support for their benefit.

I have personally seen another side to your situation and it's not pretty still. In this case the ex-wife is nuts and never let the father see the child for 2 yrs. She made bogus allegations and filed charges so he wasn't able to even contact her. It's sad b/c there is no bond between them now. I think it's too late. But every situation is different.

I wish you the best.

Answer 7

I think it's because men think that since the divorce, that It's OK to divorce the kids too. He is not much of a "man" in my book. My ex did the same exact thing. He will be the one missing out on his children life's. Tell your children, when the are older that their father has mental problems and is sick, really that is what it is!!. No decent man would do this to their own offspring. And TRY to collect on that child support, the children do not need to be abused any longer by this **** head. MY 2 cents worth

Answer 8

Excuse me but are you for real........ why is there no financial support make him pay that is the least you can do for your kids take his money they need it. Whether you save it for them or spend every last cent. He needs to take responsibilty for his children. Does the new wife even know that he has other children??? he is a dead beat father... attach his wages right now what are you waiting for you didnt screw yourself he knew what the outcome could possibly be if he had sex with ya. now get off your butt and go after his wages

Answer 9

Because they are selfish assh@#$s. I am also a single mother of two. One is 11 and the other is 5. Their father lives 4 houses down and never calls or comes to see them. I can't understand myself. I look at it this way it is the fathers missing out and our children will realize that when they get older.

Answer 10

Fathers turn their backs on children when there is no interaction on the mother to involve him with his children. I would have set on his doorsteps every week so that my kids can at least look at their daddy, because even at the young age that they are at they miss their father some terrible. It is not too late, you need to contact this father and let him know that he needs to at least give his children a phone call once a week, after that he needs to build on that and start seeing them at least once a week and yes I am saying this, they need to be introduced to their sibils by the current wife. I can't tell you how to do this but it can be done. He will thank you at a later date.