I have been with a guy for over 5 years who has kids from a previous relationship. I have no kids and have never hidden the fact that I would like a kid before I get too old (im mid 30s) and to do the whole settle down and be a family thing. He still refuses to discuss having a kid with me but just says "maybe one day". Also we are engaged and I would dearly love to get married to him (the only guy I have ever wanted to settle down with) but he wont discuss marriage seriously either, again saying "yeah we will one day". I am the 3rd girl he has been engaged to (in 20 years) but he has never married. Even his mum says hes a commit phobe. Honest answers only please no p**s take, do you think he is serious about me even though he says he loves me I need more. He is 41 by the way and I would have thought old enough to start settling down!
2007-01-16 03:29:33 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i think you both should sit dwn, maybe over a meal and have a serious discussion about your future. explain to him how much u want a child and that u want 1 soon and find out y he keeps putting marriage off. if he's a commit phobe u need 2 make him realise how much u wanna spend the rest of ur life makin him happy
2007-01-16 03:38:49 · answer #1 · answered by debs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
'We will one day' reads to me as 'if something better doesnt come along. He seems decent to you because he hasnt done asnything wrong but his mind is elsewhere or he is just stringing you along so that one day you will maybe give up or run out of time. So if you really want a baby the clock is ticking and that is the one thing that you will really regret for the rest of your life as it is one of the most human natural instincts desires etc. Thats why we were put on this planet eat sleep and reproduce. i.e keep the species alive. It all depends how great your urge is. If you have difficulty raising the subject show him this text. Also I am a man and it seems to me that he is selfish because he has already had children and so it doesnt matter about somebody else. He can have children till the day he drops but you cant. One more thing. if you do show him this message it will mean the end of your relationship but its better than being in an incompatible relationship. Good luck and good life.
2007-01-16 11:44:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it from a guy - he wont change. You're kidding yourself on if you think he will, you are just wasting your life away as the days turn into months turn into years - and if you want children, I dont need to tell you that your biological clock is ticking, and in your 30's although still fertile, you will be on a downhill trend from here-on-in.
If you want my advice, think long and hard about what you want. If its commitment and childern, you need to confront him with this, from a point of view that you can't hang around waiting with empty promises any more - you need to see positive steps. If he really can't convince you that he is serious, you need to move on - otherwise you will just need to satisfy yourself that your love for him is enough to keep you together forevermore! You have been honest from the outset, maybe he hasnt, or maybe he has had a change of heart. Either way, dont let life pass you by, and certainly dont let anyone else ruin it for you. Its yours... live it, love it, enjoy it to the full.
Best of luck.
And by the way, I have kids and wouldnt change it for the world - and Im only 28.
2007-01-16 11:42:39 · answer #3 · answered by gixerbry 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people will never do things unless dragged kicking and screaming!
He sounds very like a typical bloke. I think you two need to sit down and have a serious discussion about where you see yourselves going and the future and all that jazz.
If he still refuses to give definite answers, you can either work on trying to change the situation, or just accept that it will always be this way
2007-01-16 11:34:45 · answer #4 · answered by Natalie B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he will never marry u, as he is getting what he needs without the commitment, time to leave him, and if he truly loves u he will marry u and give u a child. right now he is being selfish, but you know your biological clock is running out, and time is short. how can he feel good about denying u a child of your own. better listen to what his mom says, she is probably right. we teach others how to treat us in life, by accepting things we shouldn't. even if things did not work out with his ex, and their was a bad divorce, he should not hold all women accountable. leave him, and if he doesn't come around, he didn't love u in the first place, and u should move on without him.
2007-01-16 11:38:36 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he doesn't want to have any more kids - or get married. If that is really what you want in life you may have to look elsewhere. He's just stringing you along until it's too late.
If you love him, and can live without kids of your own then stick with him, otherwise - you know what needs to be done. Just get on the bike and go...
Good luck
2007-01-16 11:34:29 · answer #6 · answered by mark 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The older they get the harder it is to commit. He is already paying for a kid and knows the responsibility. Time for a serious discussion. Get the lines of communication open.
2007-01-16 11:40:39 · answer #7 · answered by blue2blnde 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats the problem when one has kids and the other dont but wants them ...
tell him exactly how you feel and tell him he has to make a desision on what he wants and what you want and make a compromise ...its the only way
if he wont then you have make the break
good luck
2007-01-16 11:38:59 · answer #8 · answered by cowgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He won't change.. move on.. ( I know you won't ) but good luck
2007-01-16 11:34:10 · answer #9 · answered by robtiger2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋