what can i add to this essay?

Question

In today's job market, one popular way to find employment that is catching everyone's attention is the internet. You can cruise the internet highway in the comfort of your home to do your job search. Many companies list their employment opportunities on their websites. These companies offer you the convenience of completing an application and submitting your resume online. Some even offer you the opportunity of conversing with the employer via email to check the status of your application or to update your application. There are also websites you are probably familiar with such as Monster.com, temporary employment agencies, and your local workforce commission that utilize the internet to fill employment positions. This saves time and money for both the prospective employee and employer. It also makes it easier for you to apply at multiple companies, in different cities, in one day without having to do all the driving.

Answer 1

uggg!
how about a paragraph for each subject?
remove the generality from your first sentence
The first sentence of a paragraph should say what will be described in that paragraph, so what is this paragraph about: the Internet, job seeking, the job market? all 3? something else?
where is thesis statement?
stay with objective facts, do not make subjective statements
Explain each technical word or phrase: what's a head hunter?
I'd prefer YOU did not use YOU, I'd prefer a bunch of different nouns: 'the job seeker' 'the prospect' ' a person searching for a job' - its more a point of style, count how many times you use YOU, it gets repetitive and boring quickly, also sounds like a command, not a statement
its not a bad, 2 or 3 tweaks and it will be much improved
its a great rough draft!!

Answer 2

you want to suggestion on essay that is not required here so best options for do it publish the article and blogs

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