2007-01-16 03:15:00 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To argue is same with "not agree" with someone or something. I don't believe you're agree with everyone and everything.
2007-01-16 03:22:49 · answer #1 · answered by LynX 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By argue do you mean that nose to nose, toes to toes, TALKING LIKE THIS or do you mean honing your powers of persuation? I presume there is someone in particular you have in mind to argue with and it would be helpful to know what style you currently use. The following is a bit of knowledge I have collected on the subject.
It is always best to pick your fights based on the belief you have done your homework and can win based on your knowledge. If you are jumped into one it is best to first take a very long deep breath through your mouth and let it out slowly through your nose. This clears your mind briefly, adds extra needed oxygen to your brain and gives you a moment to grasp your stradegy.
It is always best to "argue" when you are not also mad, this is the typical marital argument form and usually gets nothing accomplished towards a remedy for the disagreement. When it is seeming to be going no where it is best for one party to simply stop and ask the other person if they can, for the time being, agree to disagree and take up the discussion at another time. At that time be specific for when you will meet to finish. This will allow you time to think about what has already been put on the table.
Name calling has no place in an arguement and it is more effective to convey how YOU feel about the subject and not on your perception of how the other feels. You do not reside in the other persons head and it is extremely presumptive to convey you know what the other person is thinking.
There are three ways to end an argument and not all of them are positive. The first is to turn and storm off, vowing to never speak to the other person again, for both parties to agree they both have valid points and agree to disagree and finally for one to be the bigger person and verbally acknowledge they were wrong and immediately present a sincere apology.
I sometimes remind my husband "THIS IZZZ AN ARGUEMENT and this is a discussion" because he sometimes tries to turn a discussion into an arguement. I will not argue, it is self defeating.
Ask yourself this question "Do I listen or wait to talk?" If you constantly wait to talk you are being insensitive to the other persons opinion, right or wrong it may present a simple solution you had not thought about.
2007-01-16 05:24:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
.... alot of it has to do with the person you'd be 'arguing' with. Thing is you shouldn't ever have arguments... more like discussions... my beau and I talk about everything. Little things... but the one big issue we had... there was no yelling, more of just telling eachother how we felt and what the issue at hand was.
A few effective tools in communicating (or arguing as you will have it):
*Use I statements- When this happens I get mad rather then YOU make me mad when YOU do this.
*Focus on issue at hand- Don't drag every single problem thats ever happened in the relationship into it. You're talking about the problem that started the talk/argument, its not a free-for-all of issues and relationship bashing.
*Listen and understand- If you don't know what they're talking about, ask, not in a sarcastic way- but ask them to clarify... and make sure you listen and try to understand their point of view. You are not always right... they are not always right... sometimes, its not even about 'right' but what works and doesn't work in the relationship, and thats for you two (and no one else) to decide.
*Be self aware- are you raising your voice? Are you getting frustrated at your partner? Its okay to take a break if you need to, ask to continue the conversation later. But pay attention to what you're saying. No response (when they've just bared their soul- you're just sitting there silent) is a response of its own- so say SOMETHING, even if its "Sorry, I want to think about that..."
*Defensive? Offensive? WHY?- If you notice yourself being defensive ask yourself why- is it because you feel guilty? If your partner is talking to you in a way that makes you defensive or sets you on the offensive, ask them to stop. But again, focus on the issue at hand. Stay away from, "you always" "you never" statements.
Goodluck.
Alot of it's just learning what works and what doesn't work between the two people in the relationship. (This works in terms of friendships and family relationships as well)...
2007-01-16 03:41:14 · answer #3 · answered by HE'S NOT INTO ME 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good "arguer" always uses common sense and never, ever personally attacks the individual(s) he or she is arguing with.
Wanna be a killer arguer? Take a logic class from the Philosophy Dept at your local university or college. My uncle is a philosophy prof, and he's the biggest pain in the *** when you try to argue with him because his arguments are so well constructed. Try joining a debate team or club, as well.
2007-01-16 03:26:01 · answer #4 · answered by jeffs_wife_ali _&_adams_mom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why would you want to argue??? Fighting with someone is a waste of time especialy if its your spouse.. don't get me wrong a good debate because you's have different views is good for a relationship but an out out arguement is just senseless..
I spent most of my 20 yr marriage argueing and fighting with my ex-husband over everything.. we couldn't look at each other sometimes without saying something nasty to each other and believe me that is NOT a way you want to live your life..
2007-01-16 03:27:24 · answer #5 · answered by Mouseling 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Become a lawyer. They argue for a living! Why would you want to argue? Life's short, be happy!
2007-01-16 03:23:42 · answer #6 · answered by mvas800 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pick up the book "The Art of Reason" by David Kelley.
2007-01-16 05:00:05 · answer #7 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of the argument as a discussion. Get your points in order and discuss. Do not get emotional about it.
2007-01-16 03:33:05 · answer #8 · answered by S A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speak your mind, state your opinion on the subject, but don't put the other person down.
2007-01-16 03:53:54 · answer #9 · answered by hello 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good question. there must be a constructive and positive way to do it.
2007-01-16 03:22:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋