my husband and i have been married 7 years and have 2 children. we have had our ups and downs but managed to get through. but about 6 months ago he started to become very distant both emotionally and physically, "working" long hours, even spending the night elsewhere. a few days ago, my suspicions were confirmed - he had been developing a relationship with another woman. he claims it is innocent, but it is clear he's very fond of her (in his car, he was hiding a photo of her and him together, the car that only he has the key to). he justifies this "friendship" by saying that i have not been romantic enough, and that he had a right to be happy. he says he has reached a limit with me and refuses to stop associating with this other woman. i still love my husband, and i am totally devastated. i know our children will be deeply affected if we split up. is it worth trying to fight to save this marriage or should i make a clean break now?
2007-01-16 03:08:01 · 25 answers · asked by harleyq8 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
your children will be more deeply affected if you stay together with this chump! get a backbone!
2007-01-16 03:11:52 · answer #1 · answered by Tacyella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to make a clean break NOW for both you and your children. There is no excuse for cheating and him saying that your not romantic enough is just lame. Marriage takes two. You are probably right when you say that your children with be as devastated as you are if you split up with him but chances are that your children already sense that something is wrong. If your husband was interested at all in trying to fight to save your marriage then he wouldn't be doing what he is doing to justify his actions. Chances are that if he cheated on you, he will eventually cheat on this other woman once the excitement is gone. Once a cheater always a cheater, do you really want you and your children to continue playing second best in this man's life. Staying in this realionship just for your children is not the right thing to do, you deserve to be happy and only you can make that happen. Do what you feel is right in your heart and good luck!!
2007-01-16 13:42:42 · answer #2 · answered by angeleyes1981_25 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has already left the marriage and just has not moved out.
So here is what you do. Tonight send the kids to bed and sit down for a little heart to heart. Let him know that if his relationship is more than friendship (even emotionally) then technically he is going out side the marriage. Let him know that a more than friend is just a step below GF and eventually he knows that he will have sex with her.
Let him know this is unacceptable and that he needs to stop. If he refuses. thank him for his time go up stairs and pack him a suit case. Let him know that you are willing to discuss the situation agian when he is. If he moves in with her or starts seeing her as a GF then file divorce. If he goes somewhere and realizes that you are right and comes back AND breaks off the friendship then start working on fixing the other problems.
DO NOT allow him to change the subject of the fight into why he is seeing this girl. She has to go before you two can fix the underlying problems that he feels justified his beginning this relationship.
Don't fight! communicate.
2007-01-16 11:16:11 · answer #3 · answered by rcbricker33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not okay, If he is not willing to put you first then you need to get a divorce. I hate divorces, but you can't let him cheat on you. He is a spineless jerk, he should own up to his mistakes & not put it back on you. It is not your fault. Your spouse should be your best freind, & your lover. He should not be looking for it elsewhere. If he wasn't happy, he should have worked on the relationship w/ you. If he needs a friend so darn bad besides you, then it should be a guy. If he is not willing to try, you can not save this marriage on your own. The skanky hoe of a friend should know better not to mess w/ someone's husband. I'm sorry for your situation & I hope that he will realize how incredibly wrong he is. But w/o a doubt he is wrong to go outside your marriage, no matter how innocent (Bull$hit) he says it is. If it hurts you it is not innocent. Your feelings matter.
2007-01-16 11:22:27 · answer #4 · answered by shouldbworkn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not his personal doormat. Make a clean break it will be better for you and your children. He probably is counting on having his cake and eating it too. Dont feed his giant ego. You should tell him you have reached a limit with him. You are not his mother. It is not your job to make him happy...he certainly isnt trying to make you and your children happy. Tell him to hit the road....You and your children deserve to live a life full of love and laughter. No Stress is needed from him.......He sounds like hes jealous of the children. Just tell him to take his stuff and****off.
You will find you will be happier...I know it takes time, but a happier healthier you is all your children need. If there in school take a course rebuild your life. Your Worth It!!!!!!!
2007-01-16 11:25:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He seems to be hung up on this woman if he carries her picture around. Make a clean break while you still can... once you and the kids are gone then he will realize if he actually loves you and just wanted to have a fling or that he really has lost all those feelings of love for you . If he does decide that you are the one he wants then it's up to you to decide if you want him back in your life. It will be a long road full of tears but don't waste valuable time trying to fix something that can't be repaired. Your kids will thank you for it.
2007-01-16 11:18:10 · answer #6 · answered by martha1314 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not justified for a relationship with another woman. He is the cheater not you. I find it hard to believe it is innocent when he is staying out all night. Dont let him blame you for his cheating. I think eventually he will leave and try to say it is all your fault. You and your children should come first. Do what is best for you and your children. He obviously is selfish and is doing what makes him happy no matter how it affects you. Good Luck
2007-01-16 11:17:19 · answer #7 · answered by mnwomen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out now and always remember in your future relations, just because everything looks good, feels good, acts good, speaks good, spends good doesn't mean that it is worth getting married too.
It takes more than what I just said to make a marriage work. A hell of allot more. I speak from experience of 25 years in my marriage and I was probably worse than yours, but I learned to wise up and my wife never left me no matter what I did. She waited for me to grow up and reealize what I had at home and today we are fine and the past is history.
If it had not been for my wife, I would of been divorced.
Now I say to you, would you stay in a marriage like my wife did and take that chance on ebing unhappy for 20 years of it before it gets better....I think not!
It is too late for me to turbn abck and start over, but this much I do say, I am very sorry that I had not grown up earlier sop that she would'nt have suffered all those years from my stupidity.
A woman that stays in a marriage after alo that...has got to be worth more than money can buy.
And so...I owe my wife my life!!!
2007-01-16 11:14:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is not right to stay together for the kids. Regardless of age or situation, kids are always affected by the parents' actions. If he is not happy with you, make a clean break. It certainly sounds like he already has. And if you make a break, your worries over him will start to ease. Regardless of what you decide to do, he will always be a part of your life through your kids.
2007-01-16 11:13:02 · answer #9 · answered by dead_end_lies 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depends on HOW much you want to have your husband.....My moms friend salvaged her marriage of 20 years when she found out that her husband was having an affair.....they are still married going on their 10 year anniversary of renewal of marriage......She followed her husband and made herself Known to the other woman and told her that everywhere He goes I go to.....When he went to her house she Knocked on the door until He came out.....You are married to him.....either He is worth fighting for or not.....Only you Know......
2007-01-16 11:15:50 · answer #10 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you and you alone can know if you should try to save the marriage, but first you have to know if he wants to. you would keep him on a short leash and he won't like, and if he won't stop see the other women, it may be too late even if nothing happen yet, it will probley be soon. But it sounds like he's blaming you for what he is doing and that is always a bad sound.
2007-01-16 11:19:21 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋