iam married since 10 years,still unadjust?

Question

my husbands physical appearence seems to be the main hindrence of our unstable relation ship.he is very short ,divorcee,and 17 years older than me.he is now 47.we have no children.i avoided to have children because iam confusedof my relationship and not sure whether i could be able to adjust in it of i will divorce him.
we always remain apart for 1 to 2 years after severe quarrels.
now also iam living away from him since 2 years.
what should i do .iam afraid to take any decision .marriage mean every thing to me but the circumstances made me to take such steps.
he is also very nervous that he dont have any children,some times i also feel that if we had children the situation might be better than this .
can i go there but iam afraid that at this age my husband is not interested in children he says its seems awakward.
what shuold i do plz advice me guininely.
eagerly waiting for u r reply.

Answer 1

Well I sympathise with you. I am going through a somewhat similar situation like yours.
In your case, decide whether you love your man or not, also if he loves you...
Only then you should decide.
And PLEASE DONT BRING A KID IN THIS!
I took that step and it doesnt make the relationship any better.
Mail me in case you feel you need to open up your emotions.
Ciao

Answer 2

If you have been separated now for 2 years I can't imagine how you could feel divorce would be any different. Two years of not being with him and you still are not sure?

You give more than ample reason why you should divorce. And what is this about children? You don't live with him for long periods of time and you wonder about having children?
Under the best of circumstance having children is a life altering event. While there are many single parents who seem to make it there is NO reason for you to do this. From his side.....he is 47 now. If you did have a child he would be 65 when that child would be 18.

It now seems to me that you see your husband as an old man...even tho it truly is not. You are 30 now and you are beginning.....perhaps for the first time....the age difference. Ten years ago it was not so obvious. But if you think he seems old now just wait 10 more years. Of course some of us look good at 65 but others look much older than they are.

Get a divorce and free both yourself and your husband up to find a better life. You sure don't have one now.

Answer 3

Deary,
You married at the age of 20 with 37 yr buddy and shuld not repent ( If it ws a love marriage otherwise u may hv reasons) . Tom Cruise married at the age of 43 with 27 year Katie Holmes and both are enjoying, so foget the age gap. He is short is also not turn off many footballers are short and have satisfied girlfrndz and wives as far sex is concerned height does'nt matter. He is not a divorcee since u r married to him forget the other bum.
You are at 30 the best age for mature , willing , understanding, sex, the rules of game are known
so you be turn 'on' for him simply dont put out.
A good sexual life is going to resolve 90% of problems and can resolve the bitterest fight among partners. Just hit the sack and roll over.
You are choosing to live away and not giving you or him a chance at the same time respect your marriage ??
Why honey ? Why ? . Not having children was good for some time.
Childern may pep up life in take the monotony away from your life.
Honey just start makin a baby. You are best fit and him too. Havn't heard abt 5 months ago a 80+ buddy begot a child in Rajasthan.
In worst case dump him , you are separeted technically. Register in shadi.com, bharatmatrimony, justmarriage.com,fropper.com search partner u are young enuf to get cool dudes not only for marriage but also for testdrives if wanna rock n roll after all this boredom.

Answer 4

My Dear, when you got married 10 years ago, it was your decision, right? You well knew the age difference. You were only 20 and he was 37,a right combination to have children, what made you to delay? Have you had a good relationship with him on bed and off the bed? Height, age difference and other aspects DO NOT have to come inbetween a happy married life. It is all in your minds. Have you opened your mind and talked to him to ask what he wants in your family life. If he wanted children and if you are deliberately avoiding it then it is heading for a disaster. If you did the right thing when you got married you must have a child around 9 yeasr old and it would have solved most of the emotinal problems. I and my wife have a difference of 15 years. V had a beautiful boy baby 18 months after marriage and we are busy taking care of him and we cannot think about anything else about us now, infact did not even have sex for quite a few months, which does not look so important for both of us at this stage. So better decide and talk to your husband and get his opinion too and then decide. If needed you can even mail me so that if you are near our area we can even advice you as a family to settle things out to live a happy married life. Good Luck, bye.

Answer 5

After 10 years of marriage, physical appearance of your husband should not be a problem. You did not mention about your true relationship. Do you love him, do you care for him ? Think deeply. Because, the answer to this question is what your decision should be based on.
From your description, it does not appear to me that you actually love him. Otherwise his appearance would not have counted after 10 years. And you would not have lived a separated life for couple of years.
If you do not love him, you have wasted 10 years of your life and the best decision is to divorce him, so that both of you can live better lives. Although it is not too late for you, for your husband it is perhaps a bit late. But it is still better than to try and maintain a relationship forcefully. And having a child in this situation will be disastrous.
If you love him, do not care for little skirmishes every now and then. And do not give so much of thought about having a child. There are many issue-less couples around, who are very happy still.

Answer 6

isn't it ironic that the reason for your divorce will be that after 10 years of marriage, u still can't accept your hubby's appearance.
just put yourself in his shoe for a moment. If his reason for divorcing you was your appreance, how wud u feel. It's not his fault that he's short and a divorcee. If its a hindrance now, then i am sure it was when u married him. Why did u marry him then? Apart from his appreance i presume there's not much of a complain about him rite. u guys been married for 10 years. Stay married another 10. if u don't want to have chlidren cos of his looks, then adopt one. Try talking to each other and say wats on your mind. Be open and treat each other like frens. Anyway it's your judmement and heart that u shud follow. read all the comments posted and see think rationally. In the end its your life so you decide wat u want to do. All the best

Answer 7

Your problem is solved by this answer. We come down to earth and go back, first of all we should know why marriage is for. We get married to quench our biological thirst with good, healthy and safe person. But we are enjoying such bedtime as a salary paid to us as enjoyment by the nature for helping the nature in creating and developing the human race. if i and you don't produce children there is nothing harm done to the nature, because children are produced as a part of the natures requirement. we don't stay behind with our children or any one life time. this life is to just live joyfully. True joy is not on the bed. Start doing all that what your husband expect from you. in no time he will definitely realise and respond as you are doing it to him. Finally all the problem will be solved. You should start accepting him you need to accept him even if you don't want to do it. Because you are already married. wait for the fruit and do not hurry. When ever he says something try to keep quiet in mind as well as in word. He will realise soon only if you are calm with him doing and being as per his requirements. YOU WILL DEFINITELY START ENJOYING YOUR LIFE SOON.

Answer 8

You for sure have been given married for the incorrect motives. You in no way enjoyed this guy so why are you staying in this loveless marriage. Do the two certainly one of you a choose and set him loose so he has some hazard of looking happiness too! Throwing away a 10 year marriage because of the fact "he's short" is the main ridiculous element i've got ever heard. what's the actual reason? he's served his objective by using having you to america?

Answer 9

but, were you not aware of his physical features before the marriage. Was the marriage forced on you. Make a quick decision about divorce, so you can go on in life and find the man of your dreams. Nothing is impossible in this life. You have cut the old, to get the new.

Answer 10

Life is a stage and everybody has to play his or her own part. Just close all doors and windows and light a candel. Sit beside the candel and give a deep thought, Think about yourself. Find out what is best for yourself. In your case , only YOU can help. What ever you decide , decide with confidence.

LIFE IS A GAME WHERE EVERY ONE HAS TO WIN. PLAY A WIN WIN GAME.