My husband is a very tender hearted, soft spoken man who doesn't like to cause waves. His ex wife likes to take advantage of this and bug him EVERY week about when his child support is coming. Now keep in mind - he has NEVER missed a payment in 3 years and it goes through the state he doesn't even send it directly to her but it never fails, she contacts him every week asking him if and when got paid and when the check should arrive. Maybe it's jealous because my exhusband has to be dragged to court to pay his child support - so I never know when or IF my child support is coming. My husband tolerates her because if she gets mad at him she won't let him talk to his kids - so he sees it as being in the best interst of the kids to put up with her crap so he can still talk to them. I'm SO sick of this, my husband and I have only been married for 6 months and I've never said anything to her but shes getting on my last nerve, any advice? Should I just hold my tonuge or let it fly?
2007-01-16 03:00:16 · 29 answers · asked by thelilred_whocould 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
to the first person who answered this question, my husband is not the problem here. Learn the difference between kind hearted and no backbone before you bash on someone who isn't deserving of it.
2007-01-16 03:14:58 · update #1
It's hard to hold your tongue when someone you love is being stepped all over but I suppose (some of) you are right. I should just bite my tongue and support him - the last thing he needs is TWO women jumping down his throat. And for the record, I'm not jealous of his relationship with his ex wife - it upsets me that she uses his children against him to get her way. That's called loving my husband, not jealousy. Thanks everyone!! :)
2007-01-16 03:29:20 · update #2
Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is being the bigger woman. I would be supportive of your husband and let him know that you are there for him when is ready to talk.
Find someone you can trust to vent to so that your husband doesn't feel as if he has to make a choice between you and his children. (This may not be the case, but he may take it the wrong way).
I am also in a similar situation, and trust there have been may times when I have wanted to choke the crap out of her, but I don't because I see how he hurts when she makes the threats. She has even gone as far as to make him bring his son home when he didn't do as he was told. When he doesn't do as she wants him to do she calls his mother in hopes that this will make him see reason. When this fails she has her father call him.
In my opinion it isn't about the child support, but rather a way to control his life even though she isn't apart of it any more. Some women just can't handle seeing that someone else is making there ex happy. Hope this helps.
2007-01-16 04:23:05 · answer #1 · answered by Boo 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
See I have the same problem as you, my husband's ex-wife is always on my husband's case about child support. She's so pathetic. When we first got married, it was bad, we had so many problems with her. Until i just got fed up and i let her have a piece of my mind. I told her that my husband is not alone anymore and you wont be taking advantage of him any longer, becuase like your husband, he's very tender hearted and he hates drama, and he never told her anything. I also let her know that as long as i'm in the picture she's gonna have to be very careful on what she says and does, becuase i will ruin her life. I know it's kind of harsh, but i'm a b**** what can i say. And ever since then she's calmed down a little bit cause she knows whatever she tells my husband i will find out and get ahold of her. She doesn't even spend the CS on my step-daughter she spends it on herself. what a b****!
2007-01-16 03:11:04 · answer #2 · answered by star-e 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be thankful that your husband does not want to hand deliver his child support. Alot of husband use their children as an excuse for a booty call. Mine did, yours isn't be thankful. He does what he has to do to keep the b**** happy in order to see his kids. Sounds like she is jealous that you have what she still wants.
In the end, he is married to you, and still does the best he can for his kids. Sounds like a great man I wouldn't blame him at all. Do you have caller ID, do you have call intercept? I had to do that when I was getting divorced. With caller ID, you know when it is her that is calling you can answer the phone. After several times of only talking to you, she will get tired. With call intercept, you can block her number. If she needs to contact you, she can do it through the court system. She legally can't keep him from his kids if they have a court order for joint custody. She must let him see them and if they wish, talk to him. If she refuses to maintain her side of the deal, take her back to court. She'll learn. It might take awhile, but it will get better.
2007-01-16 05:05:40 · answer #3 · answered by cadjsm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say speak up for your husband if she calls the house acting crazy. I know many people would disagree with me, but if you call my house treating my man like you own him or like he owes you the world, I will gladly step in and let you know otherwise in a respectful way. If she gets ugly with you... It's On!
The situation does not have to be bad, just let her know that you know she knows the state sends it to her and she will get the money the same at the same time she always gets it. Tell her that any changes will be communicated to her otherwise calling about the same thing every week is unnecessary. Basically tell her what she already knows, that way she won't have any dumb excuses to keep calling. Then end the conversation with... "How are the kids? Great! Tell them hello for me.. here's Johnny" then hand the phone over to your hubby and wash your hands with it... until next time.
2007-01-16 03:12:00 · answer #4 · answered by Kisses 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His Ex sounds like a controlling *****! I feel sorry for you, that you have to deal with this. She should be contacting the state about the child support, not your husband and she doesn't have any right to deny the father from seeing or speaking to the kids. I would try to find a way to put her in her place. she is the past
2007-01-16 03:10:59 · answer #5 · answered by Bonduesa 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, when my ex-wife asked me the same question over and over again I told her to contact the Child Support Agency who handles it. I finally told her the money came directly from my paycheck and I had no control of how,when it was collected or sent. I then told her never to ask me again or I would hang up the phone and contact my attorney regarding harassment and threats.
IF he has visitation of the kids and she denies him, he again can get her for contempt of court. The bad thing is if she denies him, he can't do much about it until an attorney is contacted and papers are filed for contempt.
I dealt with this is the past and it is very stressful and painful. I suggest you try to keep your comments to yourself and let him deal with this situation. Just support him and listen. To me, when my girlfriend decided to step in, I got angry with her because I view this matter as non of her business
2007-01-16 03:12:30 · answer #6 · answered by Colonel 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He has to deal with her the same way as one breaks up with someone - cut contact. He needs to put his foot down and tell her that he will no longer take her calls unless it is important news about the children. He can have a legal document drawn up if she doesn't abide. He has visitation rights, he will see the children then, and thats it. Unless they are bleeding or dying, he will discuss THE CHILDREN on their visitation date and THATS IT.
If she continues to harass him, he can tell his lawyer. And she can't keep the kids from him no matter what. If she does, she's breaking the law.
Start keeping records of this behavior and take a strong stand before she ramps up her efforts.
Good luck.
2007-01-16 03:13:04 · answer #7 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First let me applaud you for having respect for yourself and your husband and conducting yourself like a real women.I also speak from experience because i was once also in your same situation.Don't ever lower yourself to his EX's level.Ok now you said that your husband makes his child support payments through the state and that is great it work's in your benefit because they keep record's of all his payments(you should keep your own as well)But the fact that he is making them through the state your husband simply need's to tell his Ex that if she has any questions regarding the payments she need's to contact the child support disbursement unit.If his EX keep's your husband from having contact with his children then he need's to file a motion to the court for enforcement of his visitation right's.Your husband has right's but they can only be enforced if he takes the steps and follows through.I am also a Guardian Ad Litem and I would be happy to help you in your situation feel free to e-mail me or IM me.My suggestion to you is keep doing what you have been you are a real lady.The only time your husband techniaclly should have to deal with his Ex is if something is going on with his kid's or contact for exchanging the children for his visitation.Good luck to you and again my hat off to you for conducting yourself like a lady.I know it is hard but you have shown that you have the self discilpline to keep it up.Good luck to you and again feel free to contact me.
2007-01-16 03:51:39 · answer #8 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advice to you is that you should not interferer with his problem with his ex-wife. I am in the problem similar to that I am the ex-wife with the child support issues and the new wife issues!!! I don't like the fact that she gets involved with the issues of my daughter and her father. If I were you i would let him handle it because the child is going to get involved and whatever negativity that he senses toward his mother he will sense because my daughter does all the time. The child will start holding a grudge against you two. You also say that she is getting on your last nerve did it ever occur to you that you new wives get on our nerves as well.... My point is I feel that is none of your concern when it comes down to the parents and the child, let him handle it... stay out of it...
2007-01-16 03:24:16 · answer #9 · answered by ivonne 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Heck no don't hold your tongue and don't let that women play you the next time she calls tell her this:You will be dealing with me directly not my husband and if you use the child as a string you haven't seen a fight till you mess with me.Let her know that if she threatens your husband again with not letting him see the kids she will be talking to an attorney.Make sure you keeps notes on when she calls and harasses you.KEEP GOOD RECORDS.She will fool around and get that kid taken from her.
2007-01-16 03:06:39 · answer #10 · answered by gblue52 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋