My wife is really angry at the moment?

Question

We have been together for 5 years. She constantly snaps at me and whatever I do for her it is never good enough. I try and be there for her but she seems to think I am a mind reader as she never tells me what she wants, then shouts at me that I don't do what she wants.

She seems totally unable to control her temper as she blows up over the slightest thing....I am really laid back and that makes her even worse as she thinks I just dont care...

What can I do!

Answer 1

You need to get your wife into anger management and you both may need marriage counselling.

Answer 2

I think my husband feels the same way about me we have been married for 21 years, he would say that this is a woman thing!!! hormones and all that!! ( what does he know!!!!) Maybe you try a bit too hard, Do you give her the response that she is expecting? Try maybe just giving her a response that she isn't expecting like a cheeky grin .
Is it chores that she is expecting you to do, if it is maybe you could lend a hand around the place a bit more, maybe she is stressed if you have children, it is really hard work being a stay at home mum, men seem to think that it is a doddle but beleive me it can make you quite depressed and moody we all love our kids unconditionally but need a break of maybe just a few hours at the weekend so we can spend time with a friend shopping or just pampering ourselves it makes all the difference. Or does she want some romancing, we like nothing more that to be spoilt sometimes especially when we are least expecting it and a nice romantic meal, or a trip to the cinema to see a girly film. Pinch her bum now and again and tell her she is the best thing that has ever happened to you.
I hope this helps, and wish you good luck! I have a fridge magnet that says "Dont try to understand me, Just Love me " That is all we want

Answer 3

is she always easily angered? or just recently started that way?

if it is part of her personality then the best thing for you to do if you don't want anger management or counseling is to show her love by small romantic gifts, etc to make her relaxed and get the topic of how her personalit trait is hurting you even though you still love her very much. This might get her to talk about why she is like that or if small things are making her that way. This might not work for the long term but atleast the next time she's easily angered you only need to remind her that your feelings are being hurt (I recommend saying it directly instead of subtly), then she might feel bad and would try to stop snapping till she might change her personality trait for the better in long term. As for the mind reading thing, do say it straight to her that you can't read her mind and you would really appreciate it when she tells it to u straight instead of giving hints.

If it is not her personality trait and it is only coming out recently. She might be feeling stressed about every day small things and how she might have to do every chore etc (i'm assuming that she's housewife and you usually don't pitch in on daily chores). In that case, it would be really romantic and chilvolrous of you if you help in a little bit of chores every day. Keep in mind it doesn't have to big like vaccumming everyday etc. But maybe just putting the dishes in dishwasher one day or vaccuming next day or organizing a room the day after, etc can really make her actually SEE how good husband you are, etc. It might get her into better mood with you and you might end up having more time to yourself.

Whatever you do, SHOW her your love and that you do care for her.

Good luck with your wife and marriage.

Answer 4

Dont ever stop being yourself. The mind reading part is every guys demise and no way to change it. Just let her cool down. Its a fact of Nature that anytime you get two or more of the same species living together, chances are theyre going to fight sooner or later. I think woman sometimes just do it for the sake of it as they know damn well it gets to us or else floral and candy stores wouldnt exist and is probably why theyre both multi billion dollar enterprises. Back to your situation; it sounds like something is bothering her and if you cant get her to open up, you wont be able to fix it. I get alot of this type of problem in 5-7 year marriages doing counseling over the years. You can try counseling but it works best if both parties are willing to attend and what the same outcome and both must come with an open mind and heart for it to work, but counseling usually does work. Its hard to determine a marriage problem with limited info as like on Q&A so its hard to give an accurate answer or determine what the real problem is. I just know from experience that the worst thing to do is for someone to change their self into someone theyre not to please someone else. After all she liked you for you or you wouldnt be married, so dont downgrade yourself or blame yourself. Let her calm down and have a heart to heart talk to work things out and stop the fights. Good luck

Answer 5

What are you doing that is not good enough.
Do you listen when she talks?
Do you do things together, alone....date that is?
Do you help out around the house, or does she have to ask over and over?
Have you ever asked her what she wants...why she is feeling so blue?
Team work is the best way with lots of communication. It sounds like you love her however both of you need to communicate better.
There has to be a reason why she is shouting...something has taken her to that level.
Maybe she does love you however she is unhappy.
I suggest spending some one on one time together and just listen...tell her that you are there for her....and if there is anything that you can do you want to do it, also tell her that you are trying your hardest to understand however with her direction you would really benefit...and know which way to go...for the both of you.
There could be issues that she think you should already know about....because you are doing them....and repeating them...and there could be other issues...homesick, not feeling well...no time for her.....wine and dine her and listen.
I hope it work out...sounds like you are trying.
Best wishes.....
maybe then both of you can be happy too.

Answer 6

Don't want to be mean but after a while a woman tends to feel unappreciated or taken for granted. Maybe in the beginning you may have shared household chores and now you've got used to her taking care of things and let your 50% go. Some women want to be surprised romantically and feel let down when their partner is not on the same thinking level. She wants something out of the blue...a hug, flowers, back or foot massage, you could make dinner, or clean up the dishes. Ask her how her day was and listen to her without judgement. I know this sounds so Dr. Phil but we are emotional people who need affection.

Answer 7

My god...you've just described my temperament! Seriously though sorry to hear you are having probs...but you seriously need to communicate! My husband is laid back and does not do 'raised voice' confrontation but he never gives in to my demands' ...well not straight away anyway! Personally..I'm not an advocate of marriage guidance and believe a couple should be able to sort out their issues....for gods sake do NOT stay together for the sake of any children (if you have any)...thats the worse thing you could do. If both parties are not happy and you are comfortable in your own mind that you have done everything possible to try and sort things out...then it maybe time to go your separate ways!! Life is too short.....

Answer 8

Okay, I totally understand her. She is really frustrated with something that you are NOT doing. She wants you to just DO IT WITHOUT BEING TOLD LIKE A LITTLE CHILD TO DO IT. I'm sure you are not being as helpful as you could be. Do you have little children? If so, then help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Men have no idea how suffocating being a Mom can be. I love my kids, but Moms shoulder most of the responsibility. If there are no kids, are you helping around the house? Do you pick up your own stuff? Do you fix up the house by keeping it painted, cutting the grass so it looks nice etc. If you are honest with yourself, you can figure out what you are not doing that is pissing her off. Do you ever go for a walk and talk with her. She's frustrated and if you don't figure it out, she will find someone else who cares enough to.

Answer 9

Have you tried to sit down with your wife over a couple of drinks and asked her if something is stressing her out. Sometimes as a woman if things are stressful in my life I can get very snappy. I just don't seem to cope. Everything becomes a huge obstacle. Once I have relaxed and talked it out with my husband everything becomes normal again. Your wife might even be trying to cope with issues at work, then comming home and trying to cook,clean and look after her family. Even though you are helping her, she might not see it that way. Stress is a awful thing and can make the nicest people angry. If she won't talk to you maybe she might talk to her mum or another family member.

Good luck

Answer 10

You need to find out the root cause of her moods. Is she under too much pressure at work? If so, is there anything you can do at home that will ease the pressures on her, like take on some of the housework, do the shopping, take the kids off her hands, etc.

Is she being bullied at work and is taking it out on you? There is legislation that can be used to prevent this and you will need to gently coax her to do something about it.

Perhaps she's bored at work - could you suggest a course or a different job she could do that's more challenging?

Maybe she feels life is like a treadmill. We all feel like that from time to time. Perhaps arrange a nice walk in the country to a lovely country pub at the weekend, Sunday lunch out so she doesn't have to cook, a day at a local health club for her and her best mate, even a bunch of flowers with a card saying you are thinking of her would be nice. My hubby downloaded some songs which really meant something to us as a little compilation. It really touched me that he remembered something like that and then showed me he cared.

There could also be a medical reason why she behaves like this. Is she depressed or maybe has premenstrual tension? I know it sounds like a bit of a cliche but PMT can affect a woman in so many ways. If so, something like evening primrose tablets might help.

Good luck anyway. Carry on being the supporting partner you are and things can only get better. xx

Answer 11

There are several ways to handle this. One, get her into therapy. That's lots of money and she'll most likely argue about it. Two, become argumentative when she acts this way. In other words, ask her what she means when she says it's not good enough. Tell her to be specific. Challenge her on everything. This may not be too good but, if you're a fighting kind of guy, it could be fun. And three, she may have had to react this way all her life to be heard or to get her way when she was growing up. so, you need to break her of that habit. Tell her when she's calm that you won't fight or argue with her over anything anymore. You'll discuss it like a grown-up only. And when she gets upset, just say to her "honey, I understand what you're saying but your tone of voice and attitude are uncalled for. Talk to me when you've settled down." If she continues to yell or get mad, stick to your condition, "I'm not going to talk to you about it until you've calmed down and act like a human being." Don't let her win that one piece of the battle. Your motto to her should be "Be calm, or be gone"
Welcome to married life.