Help me - guilt and cheating?

Question

I have asked various questions along the same line. I am in turmoil - I am a b**ch from hell who has been out drunk and kissing other men in the past. I cant tell my b/f who I have been with for years as he will leave me but the guilt is killing me. If I let him go I will be sad forever but if I stay and be the person he deserves the guilt will still haunt me. I cannot tell him - I would have to just let him go...I am a nightmare when I drink and yet I feel I couldnt live without my b/f.

Answer 1

You must take responsibility for your actions, stick to one glass or whatever will be safe for you, or you risk jeopardising your relationship. The guilt will fade away eventually; be the best gf you can to him. That's what he wants.

Tomorrow is another day. Start afresh. Do NOT confess to your bf, it would just hurt him and destroy his trust in you. You're being awfully hard on yourself - just start again and have a good time with him without the booze now you know what's likely to happen if you drink. Good luck.xxx

Answer 2

Past sexual devient behavior is in the past. If you cheated on HIM (while you were in a monogamous relationship with him) then you should 1stly work on the problem. Go to an AA meeting, quit drinking. Once you've worked out your own issues- you can make the decision if you want to tell him or not. One of the steps of AA is to ask for forgiveness from the people you've wronged during your substance abuse. That may be the time to do it. And I know that the guilt is haunting you, HOWEVER, the guilt is haunting you- is it selfishness that makes you want to tell him? To SHARE your guilt? To share the negative feelings? The newest thoughts on admitting to infidelity is not that truth is the best- rather, that if you know that is in the past, and you love this person and won't repeat the behavior, to keep it a secret- so you don't hurt them any more then you already have. That is ONLY if you are done cheating. If you are not, then he has a right to know that. Also I would suggest getting STD testing in case you had contracted something.
Good luck. The root of this problem isn't so much the guilt, but the alcohol- afterwards work on your relationship. Work on you first.

Answer 3

Seek H E L P ! Make an appointment with a counselor to help you sort out the reasons you are on this self destructive course. Do not tell your b/f until the sorting is done. Talk with him about the reasons you have not married yet.
Your need to tell is outweighed by the fact you do not need to hurt him by him knowing, I suspect he probably has an idea you do this. Most drunks don't have the capacity to change their pattern of actions.
Do not purchase any form of alcohol, do not visit any establishment that sells drinks and attend some AA meetings. I quit cold turkey, so can you.
When you are alone in your car turn the music up really loud and scream out this need to tell. Get over the guilt, today is a new day and if you really want it, consider the slate wiped clean. Instead of dwelling on this old news think about what you can do to make amends to your b/f without him knowing it is guilt inspired.

Answer 4

Listen, I do sympathise. Its easy for people to sit on their high horses and say you've ruined your relationship, or you're a ho but at the end of the day, nobody is perfect, everyone makes mistakes of some sort and people that expect ideal relationships, criticise and dismiss all else, are usually alone. Whats done is in the past, you cant change it, forgive yourself and move on. You deserve to be happy and so does your boyfriend. Try and cut down on the drink, if that's the catalyst. If you love your boyf then cutting out the demon drink should be no sacrifice. Buy him a holiday out of the money you save from not drinking. Karma problem solved!

Answer 5

Stop drinking. Use the fact that you put yourself and your bf at risk each time you are with another man.
Is it possible that you suffer from what is known as a "Borderline Personality Disorder" NOT "BIpolar".
Those who suffer from it often act out in the way you have described. It is treatable w/meds but you must first see a doctor and get diagnosed.
Don't hurt your mate anymore than you already have just to make him bear the burden of your actions. The guilt is the price you must pay for your choices. Telling him will only be more self-sabotage. Is that your objective? Let that dictate to you your course of action.

Answer 6

Then if it's the alcohol that's the problem, that's where you need to start. You need to get sober. There are many good groups & agencies that can help you with this problem.

If you are using the alcohol as an 'excuse' for your behavior, you still need counselling to find out why you behave in such a horrible manner towards the person you claim to love.

As far as the guilt, it's part of the price you pay.

Answer 7

Don't hurt him by telling him unless he is likely to find out anyway. If you only get like this when you have been drinking , deal with that issue! When you have got that under control you will feel better about yourself and Then you can forgive yourself.
You know you wont do it when you are sober so you will be able to put it behind you.

If at somestage you do tell him or he finds out. If he knows that you sre dealing with the thing that causes you to behave that way I'm sure he'll be more understanding.

My husband cheated on me ( a one night stand) he told me, I was very hurt but forgave him for being unfaithful. I found it harder to forgive him for telling me just to assuage his own guilt. I need never have found out and need never have been hurt.

Answer 8

Oh chill out. If you have been with your boyfriend for years then you were probably just testing yourself to see if you could still 'pull'. I am not condoning cheating but you obviously have realised that it wasn't worth it and that you do want to be with your boyfriend. Just put it down to experience and forget about it. Make a vow with yourself not to do it again in the future and if you are in a rut with your boyfriend, try to jazz things up a bit on the relationship front. It really isn't worth telling him about a few snogs. It is different if you had slept with someone and might have passed something on to your boyfriend. I would say try to cut down on the drink when you go out without your boyfriend and promise your self to be a good girl from now on.

Answer 9

It's time to get some kind of help. You are't a terrible person, but it's time to find out about your drinking and how out of control you are with it. Are you drinking on a consistent basis? Do situations make you want to drink, or other issues? I wouldn't let you bf go; I'd tell him about your drinking and go with that. Don't tell him things you've done; explain that you need help and see what happens. There's a lot going on here it sounds like; but I truly believe you're strong enough to make a good decision; otherwise you wouldn't be asking =)

Answer 10

Ok.. alot of people are going to disagree with me im sure.... BUT... iv heard someone say this before and it makes so much sense to me... do not tell him... because all you will be doing is taking the guilt off of your shoulders and placing all that pain on his... its not worth it in the end... But you have got to stop doing this... Try only drinking when you guys are together... dont do it without him at all... Now if you were married, then id say tell him, but your not.. so just try to deal with the guilt and stop doing this to the poor guy..