My wife has a control problem. We dont have sex but maybe once a month and its only when she wants it. I have not cheated but I did look online and flirted a little. When she found out, she tried to fight me. SHe has tried to fight me several times before and threatened me if I hit her back that she would call the cops. She apologized every time.
Is this marriage saveable? She claims she doesnt trust me. I dont trust her; nor do I like her attitude.
2007-01-16 02:36:52 · 17 answers · asked by Mister Tee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think, it's time to open a close communication between you and your wife. Start asking the reason why she often rejects you. Maybe the reason is reasonable who knows. Maybe there is something she doesn't like on you but she is ashamed to tell it. If the reason is because she doesn't love you any more and she have found someone to replace you then it's time divorce her. As you tell us that she was angry when you tried to flirt another woman, It's the indicator that she is jealous so she still loves you. I think it's just a misscommunication matter. Be open to her, I'm sure she will do so. good luck!
2007-01-16 03:06:55 · answer #1 · answered by Tovic A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You left out a key point of information--do you WANT the marriage to be saveable? You mentioned not trusting her or liking her attitude. But do you LOVE her? That would help put your question into a bit more perspective for yourself.
That aside, the balance of power is on her, and is completely dysfunctional and abusive (if genders were reversed in this letter everyone would be hollering "abuse" and we know it!) It is up to you, and only you, to decide if you think she's worth spending any more of your future on.
But you also left out HER perspective in terms of would SHE be willing to "work" on the marriage? Sounds like she may be narcissistic, and let me tell you, to a narcissist, EVERYONE is screwed up BUT them! They are extremely resistant to help and change. If that is the case with her, and if your feelings about being with her continue to be negative, then no, don't try to save the marriage, just get out. Some things aren't worth "working through" (do you want to end up one of those seemingly thousands of miserable elderly people who spent years with an abusive spouse just because divorce was taboo?) This is your one shot at life. Don't waste it on an abuser.
2007-01-16 10:55:59 · answer #2 · answered by Bzl1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a wife with a problem that needs to be addressed. Will it be done before she ruins the marriage? Can't say.
You have a long road ahead, do what you must.
1. Suggest counseling. Violence is a problem for her. Could be emotional problems, depression, who cares what...you have a big problem on your hands.
2. Sex problems is a reflection of the bigger problem.
3. Kudos for staying as long as you have. You don't mention how long, but she has a problem and you get to feel the problem in your face every day.
4. I don't advocate divorce. But I don't advocate putting up with someone that won't get help. Think of it as a chance to help her help herself.
The trust issue is just part of her illness. Get her to a doctor for diagnosis and get her treated. Don't worry about your flirting and sexual need expression. Anyone would feel like you do. You are fine.
Get her issues addressed asap.
2007-01-16 10:48:16 · answer #3 · answered by kishoti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to be with a woman like that? I mean, you shouldn't have gotten online, that's wrong. I would hate if my man had to revert to the computer or actually sleep with someone else. But if she doesn't give it up but once a month, then there's a major problem between you two. Ask her why? If you guys are in love, then you should be expressing that. Obviously you're not though. Talk to her!!!! Find out what the problem is. TRUST is something you should have developed before you married her!!!!!!!!!!
2007-01-16 10:44:12 · answer #4 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is saveable, but it's going to require a huge change on her part. She really needs to read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. She'll see herself in those pages and hopefully be jolted into change. Counseling can help, but only if you find a counselor who doesn't automatically take her side in everything.
The big question is... do you want to save this? If she did change, would you be able to let go of the hurt eventually and learn to trust her again?
2007-01-16 10:41:50 · answer #5 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
UH OH sounds like you have an abusive problem here.Go get help QUICK or get out when you can.Once a person begins to hit you it will only get worse beleive me I been there done that after 25 years of abuse I finnaly got it and MOVE ON.I am not only happier but I can let other people know an abuser is a dangerous person man/women.Be careful.
2007-01-16 10:43:19 · answer #6 · answered by gblue52 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want to save your marriage? If so, counseling is a step in the right direction. If she is unwilling to work on it, then it is not worth saving and time to move on. Oh, and sex once a month for me would not work!!!
2007-01-16 10:43:37 · answer #7 · answered by mvas800 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would anyone want to live in that misery.
I will never understand why we have marriage.
If god wanted human beings to live with one person for the whole of their lives we would only fall in love with our soul mates.....seems pretty straight forward to me.
Hey bottom line ..No trust......No relationship....No Marriage
Sad to see it in black and white only you know in your heart....deep down you know.
Hey and so does she.......Good luck pal x
2007-01-16 10:46:41 · answer #8 · answered by jackiechen2000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe a marriage counselor could help. That's a mess.
2007-01-16 10:41:18 · answer #9 · answered by seaturtle36 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you need to actully talk to her, and her to you about what you want and what she wants, If you hadn't gone outside of the marrage, you can save it, but you need to be honest with each other
2007-01-16 11:03:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋