My ex wife has now decided to stop my children from staying overnight because she does not like my new partner however she will let me see them on my own.They have both recently had an arguement with regards to my ex turning up late to collect the children,when me and my new partner were in the process of looking at our first home together.My new partner feels that my ex did this on purpose to disrupt things between us.Has anybody got any views on this?
2007-01-16 02:22:56 · 22 answers · asked by MAYDAY 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Nip this in the Bud ( a very old saying) before this gets out of control! She could start keeping the kids away next.
2007-01-24 01:02:56 · answer #1 · answered by Pamela V 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am an ex wife!!! lol(i don't bite...honest) and i can see both sides
Firstly i think that you ex is going about this the wrong way, at the end of the day it is not the mother that has to see your partner it is your kids and it should be left up to your children to decided whether they like her or not and let them make the decision whether to see her ...how ever.... your children must have a relationship with you first and for most and your new partner to understand this, and the relationship with your partner and your kids will develop. Your ex will always look out for the safety and enjoyment of her kids(not saying that they are not safe with you) and sometimes there will be jealousy as this new woman will be a mother figure in your children's lives and that is threatening, if your ex has not got a partner at the moment you will probably have you own concerns too.
I could go and on as i don't always see eye to eye with my ex and he is on his 3rd wife!!! but i wont go on.
At the end of the day what has happened between you and your ex is between you and her and NOT THE KIDS so she should not use them a pawns.
Hope this is of some help xx
2007-01-21 09:24:44 · answer #2 · answered by littlemermaid_72 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't agree with the others - jealousy may not be the cause, if it was then she would be more difficult about you seeing the children. Try to see it from her point of view. Your new partner is (in her eyes) unreliable and that means she doesn't trust her to look after the most precious things in her life. As she has no problem with you looking after them then make sure that it is you and not your partner that does the contact. Be laid back and make very sure that the children are very responsibly cared for. Your new partner should play a small part only in their care. She is your partner, not their new mother. It's a very tricky situation that will need understanding and care from you
Good luck
2007-01-16 02:43:16 · answer #3 · answered by JACKIE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your ex-wife cannot withhold visitation just because she does not like your new partner unless you had a "morality clause" in your divorce papers. A morality clause would state that you were not allowed to have overnight guests or live in partners with the children present. If you don't have that, and you would know if you do because it is typically something extra that someone requests be added to the papers, she has no right to refuse overnight stays and you need to quickly put her in line.
One other piece of advice....keep your partner out of dealings with her. Those are your children not your partner's and your ex should not have to communicate with someone else about your children. Also, your partner is way out of line arguing with her over anything regardless of the situation. She should have turned the kids over to your ex and let you deal with the tardiness issue later on.
2007-01-16 02:48:23 · answer #4 · answered by vickyc76 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In the first place...there must have been a custody agreement authorized by the court saying the children could stay overnight with you. So if you just call your attorney & let him handle it or advise you then you can keep this personal matter on a private level which is a much better place to solve it. After all it is a legal problem..and it is better to have a legel experts help than amatures.
2007-01-23 09:21:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A few things:
Don't let your EX get away with changing the overnight arrangement, go to Family court...
Don't let her know your personal business - looking for a home!
DO NOT let your new partner have anything to do with the children's mother or the arrangements you make with her about the kids.
You can't let the ex push you around and you can't let the new partner interfere with the raising of your kids. If you marry her then she can have a say but only when they are with you. Don't let her stir the the pot with your ex, your kids are the ones who will get hurt.
2007-01-16 02:36:33 · answer #6 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take that a** to court and stop playing games with your ex. She is a woman so she will do things to piss you off on purpose and you having another woman in the mix does not help anything at all. I am not the least bit surprised and I suggest you do what you gotta do to get the rights to your children until your ex can grow the heck up!!!
2007-01-23 15:29:29 · answer #7 · answered by The One 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it does seem like your ex is jealous but I suspect she is more concerned about the children and your new partner. Is she concerned that the children like her or that she will try and become a 'mum' to them.. I think you need to reassure her that she will always come first with the children and will always call your new partner by her first name. i also think you need to discuss how you will work togethre over discipline. e.g. if the kids have played up and she has grounded them then that needs to be followed through when they are with you. Talk about these kinds of issues WITH her and things should sort out.
2007-01-16 09:31:39 · answer #8 · answered by D B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, what has the court system decided as far as custody? She has to abide by the courts ruling. However, It may not work in your favor to have the kids over when living with someone you're not married too. She can use that against you saying that she doesn't want her children around that atmosphere and she would be within her rights as you would if your ex had a strange man living with her who she's not married to. However, you can force her to uphold her bargain with a court order. I would get legal advice. Be prepared for her to nail you with the whole "living in sin" thing and anything else she can throw at you that she deems detrimental to your children's upbringing.
2007-01-16 02:43:21 · answer #9 · answered by Lilith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my Ex Husband started dating I gat very insecure when my daughter spent time with her. I felt like she was trying to take my place. (Stupid I know) but it was a subconscious feeling and it took me time to realise it was my problem not hers. Give it some time, search out your rights and remember the children come first. By the way I have a partner and so has he. Everything is great now and my littlun is very happy. Good Luck
2007-01-16 02:56:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she's not over you yet or jealousy. Whatever the case though she shouldn't make the kids pay for it and if I were you I'd ask her what her real problem is when your new pouse and the children aren't around to see or hear what is being said. The only way to get her in check is to get to the bottom of this.
2007-01-16 15:57:57 · answer #11 · answered by angel h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋