can we prove her a unfit mother?

Question

we know some things about his ex wife. we know she leaves his 5 year old child home alone in the mornings with her other 10 year old daughter (from another relationship) to get themselves up and off to school. we susspect she is leaving them alone a night while she goes out on dates at least once a week.(my question what if they miss the bus?)( what if someone grabes them at the bus stop?)they dont ride the same bus. The child tells me that her mommy tells her that her daddy is bad and that he is mean. I know that she has moved 5 times in 2 years because of finaciall reasons. The child tells us quite offten that she hasent had breakfast because her sister woke her up too late or that she only had crackers for lunch. When we have her for the weekend on sunday when she knows she has to go home to her mom she is a holy terror!!! Ready to fight nothing makes her happy just plan mad at the world. There has to be something major going on for a child this young to act this way.what can we do?

many have worte about give her more money or offer to watch the kids for her. we would be more than happy to and have offered. gave her money for lunch last week she didnt say thanks, nothing all she said is that " its not enough and she wasent going to kiss his butt for it" I cant put it any better way than to just say she is a hater.

Answer 1

If you know the kids are alone at a certain time you can call it into the police as child abandonment - you better be sure she's gone or you'll look like a vengeful ex. When the police knock on the door and a child answers and there is no adult present she will be arrested. Once she is arrested someone from child services will be contacted and a file opened on her. From there on you can work with child services. Good luck.

Answer 2

Maybe you can take a different approach entirely. Maybe you can all get together and talk (if you have a decent relationship) or hire a mediator to find a solution that works for all of you.

What if she brings the kids (I know one is your husband's and one is not but...) to you when she goes out on a date and then picks them up after? What if you guys buy the kids lunches at school (and some schools also offer breakfast)?

What if you all put your heads together and tried to find a solution that works out well for everyone.

If you approach her from the stand point of, "lets work on this together" you'll likely save a lot of stress and money and the kids will likely be happier as well. And you might just figure out a way to make this whole thing work really well.

If you are truly worried about their welfare in an immediate way, then I'd suggest calling the police. The problem is that once the police/child protective services are involved, it becomes a very LONG process where not only mom will be investigated but dad as well - so they can find the best home for the kids. It is stressful and scary and nerve-wracking for everyone.

After your added note: You may want to call the school and ask how much lunch costs and see if they have breakfast. Then pay the school directly, not mom. Let the child(ren) know breakfast and lunch is covered and available to them. Then consider hiring a mediator to work with you for the best interest of the kids. Sorry you have to deal with this nightmare.

Answer 3

Document document document.

If he's sharing custody of the child with his ex, then talk with his lawyer about what you need to do to about this. You need to be smart and play by the rules. Just because the child is saying that it's happening doesn't mean that it is - the child may just be acting out because she's not happy living with mom. Then again, it may all be true.

If one of you can spend a morning "watching" her house and video tape the kids leaving together, alone, that may help - especially when the 5 year old has to walk to the bus stop alone or something. Same goes for the mother coming home after a date and NO babysitter leaving.

I have four kids. I NEVER leave any of them home alone, even the 9 year old - it's just not safe. Sure, she seems mature, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea to leave her alone, let alone in charge of the others.

If the lawyer isn't any help (and if they aren't, then you probably need a new one) then you may have to contact child services in your area - it's not going to be pleasant, but if your husband is in the area and they take the child away from his ex, then the odds are that he will be awarded full custody at that point.

Be careful, don't do anything stupid that will come back to haunt you, and good luck.

Answer 4

the thing with leaving them in the morning to go to work, i could kind of see. the rest of it? no way.

if you have the money, you could hire an investigator. if not, you could call social services. the problem there is that sometimes they take kids that don't need taking, and leave kids that do need taking. oh, and what about the 10 year old though? what'll happen to her if the 5 year old gets removed? i mean does she have someone who will take care of her?

this kid is 5 right? and her sister is 10? i thought it was illegal to leave a kid alone til they're 12. could be wrong. call up the police station and ask them. someone else pointed out that if you know a night she's going out, send the cops over at that time. she'll be caught.

if you want the kid, just admit it, and sue for custody. it sounds like you have a great shot at winning.

Answer 5

You can sleuth around a bit and tape her leaving and the children going to the bus on their own. A ten year old cant be left with a 5 year old (thats against the law). Not sure if this would be enough to get the child from her. If you suspect she is leaving the kids alone then try to prove it- once again if you can tape her leaving and then knock on the door-if kids are alone call Child Protective Services (or the equivalent agency in your area).They will most likely allow the father to take the child home-go the next morning and talk to the people at protective services and see if they can help you get in and get custody.

Answer 6

You can have anybody make an anonimous call to social services and have them check out the situation. Also, get some reports from her teacher at school and see what she has to say about the situation. See of the child's behavior has changed or if she has mentioned anything to the teacher. If necessary have the counselor at the school talk to her about how she is doing, don't bring up the mother just have her talk about her homelife and see what she says, this way it wont seem like anyone is coercing her into saying anything. I have known many people in that situation and make sure you do everything legally so there won't be any problems. Good luck, to your friend and his daughter

Answer 7

Based on the information you provided, you should contact your local Child Protective services and they will conduct an investigation. If they believe that there is cause, they will remove the children from the home. You may be able to get temporary custody of the children if they are removed and you are a relative otherwise they will go into foster care.

Answer 8

I'm currently studying family law. In order to actually take her children away from her you have to go through a lot of steps. You would first have to called Department of Childre and Families and make a report. They would go to her house and check to see if what you say is true. They would then decide if the children are in danger there or if she seems like an unfit mother. If they do decide that you then have to deal with the father. He would then have rights to the children. If he is deemed unfit too then it goes on to the grandparents. All in all. it just goes down the chain.

Answer 9

I strongly recommend that you contact your local Child Services Dept and report this "mother'. To me it is child abuse and should not be happening. A 10 yr old child cannot look after a child, and for the mother to leave them to fend for themselves before school and at night is wrong on several different levels. You do not need to give your name to Child Services when you call, but give them as many details as you can so they know what they are looking for in this case. I hope that you do this before something serious happens to those kids.

Answer 10

Who are you to this child, what best interest will it serve to prove her an unfit mother? Why are they being left home in the mornings? Is it so that she can go to work? Is it for a little while? How about helping her have more money? Can you help her get another job so she doesn't have to do this? How about offering to watch the kids one night a week so she can go out on that date and know that the kids are being taken care of? Ever thought of any of these things? Sounds to me like you want these kids so you are trying to figure out how to get them and it may all backfire on you, I would be careful.