Am I in my good right to focus on my own life?

Question

I have had this friend since high school. She is a nice person, but also a real blonde bimbo. We haven't had much contact in the last couple of years but we are still friends and know eachothers families etc. She usually contacts me when she needs my help for something or wants my advice on her messy personal life. I have always tried to be there for her through break-ups with boyfriends, her uncle's death last year and so on. I have had some disturbing things happen to me too during the years we have known eachother but never called on her for help, partly because I can normally deal with my problems myself, but also because I don't feel she cares. She hardly ever asks how I am if she calls me, and even if she does, she never listens to my answer. One day she wants to leave her bf, the next day she wants to marry him and have his child (she is 39). It tires me out just listening to her problems, let alone dealing with them. Am I in my good right to focus on my own life, family, work?

I should add that I love her dearly so I don't want to cut her off entirely. I'm just sick of dealing with all of her problems... Uhh, I sound selfish.

Answer 1

Yes, most definitely. You sound like a very caring person, but someone like that is not really a friend--she is a user--everything is about her. Someone like that can drain the energy right out of you. It is also very stressful listening to someone's issues all the time. It is good to have a friend to listen to you and maybe offer advice, but you cannot call people with every little problem, especially if you do not return the listening favor!

Answer 2

You seem to be very condesending and judgemental towards your "friend". If you don't give her the opportunity to help you with your problems you can't blame her when she doesn't. People aren't mind readers. By not confiding in her you are probably giving her the impression that you don't want to talk about it, or don't need her advice. She may be a little self centred but she must have some good points for you to still be in contact with her. If not, then you shouldn't even need to ask the question. Also you should be focussing on your own life, family, work regardless of your relationship with your friend. Finally I would take it as a compliment that she contacts you when she needs help - she clearly values your opinion very highly.

Answer 3

I'm sure many of us have a friend or two like that. If you have the time to listen, do so... she is your friend. If she calls and you don't feel like dealing with it and you don't want to seem rude, be polite and just tell her you can't talk right now...to call you back later... usually the friend will have already found someone else to vent to and won't call back. Do you have caller ID? That is the answer to your availability to whoever and whenever.

Answer 4

Heh, I think I know her - only the woman I know who acts just like that is in her 50's.

Yeah, there's no need to be rude to her or anything, but I wouldn't focus too much on her problems and helping her solve them. She needs to grow up and be more sensitive to other people's lives and not so wrapped up in herself.

Just do your own thing and let her do hers and if she is ever severely in need of help, help her... otherwise let her alone.

Answer 5

It sounds like she doesn't want your opinion as much as she needs a sounding board. So, I have to say, focus on your own life and in between If she needs to vent, let her, what real harm does it do? Some people are like her and can not see beyond their own lives.

Answer 6

Yes that is your right. It can be draining having to help someone through every single problem in their life. And even more draining when that person isn't there for you. Just tell her you need some space.

Answer 7

You notice she only contacts you when SHE needs something. The dynamics of this relationship will never change. She is concerned and consumed with herself.
Personally, I'd just break it off and find another friend.

Answer 8

You already know the answer. You have a right to focus on whatever you want to in life. Put some distance between you and your friend and if she asks you why you arent close...tell her

Answer 9

Your not alone...I have a girl friend that is exactly the same way.Yes..take care of your problem's first.Tell her after you have solved them.She dose listen to your advice,but she will do it her way ...anyway.Mine is always there for me..but bottom line..do your own thing too.

Answer 10

yes u r right