i really like this guy who i've been having an affair with, he makes me laugh, he is so genuine and he really likes me. We are both engaged to other people and have children with these people. We understand a lot of people can get hurt if the affair is exposed but the way we feel for each other is so unreal. i think i may be falling for him. i feel so good when im around him and he totally understands me. The person i am with at the moment doesnt make me feel the way my 'lover' does. I really dont know what to do.. i know having an affair is wrong and most of you will probably think i am stupid.
2007-01-16 01:32:51 · 22 answers · asked by sxe_gal_y2k3 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i have asked my lover how he feels about me and he says he likes me a lot more than he should.. as we are both with other people - i think i may only feel this way as its the danger of us being caught, not that i want to get caught... i just want some excitement in my life, i love the way he makes me feel. And im not a sl4g, i just want happiness.
2007-01-16 02:07:52 · update #1
I pity you and envy you at the same time. I pity you as a lot of people will be hurt from this and there are children involved. I also envy you as you clearly have found that special spark again. Its a horrible truth, but the magic does go from a long term relationship sometimes. Majority will tell you to end it and take the memories with you. Easier said then done as even if you do, you have tasted the excitement and will want it again. Some will say to end it and go with this other guy. He could be the guy you were looking for and you could be very happy together. You won't be the first or last to make a new life even if kids are involved. My father left my mum with 2 kids. He remarried and has been with his present wife for 25 years.
My advice is that no-one here can give you the right advice. Its dificult, but you have to choose to either end it or make it more permanant. The only thing I can say is that an affair cannot last forever, so you need to address it.
I genuinely hope it works out whatever you do as we all deserve happiness, life is so short. Remember the children, they are innocent in all of this. Sort it out soon.
All the Best.
2007-01-16 01:46:11 · answer #1 · answered by mickeyleon123 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you really like this guy that much, then maybe it is for the best if you break it off with your fiance. A lot of people will get hurt one way or the other. You will never be able to keep the affair a secret forever. Just make sure that if you are going to go for it, make sure that is what your lover wants also. Otherwise you are going to hurt a lot of people and be alone. An affair is never a good thing.
2007-01-16 09:38:33 · answer #2 · answered by aahhdahh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure you're not just swept up in the excitement and romance of it all? If the answer is 'no' and you and this other guy really are in love then you should both stop living a lie and do something about it. Will you take on each others children?
You should both call of your weddings now as there will be even more hurt down the line if you continue to not be happy with your fiance and are lying to him.
I know it won't be easy but I'm sure you already know what the right thing to do is.
Best of luck to you - I mean it. x
2007-01-16 09:41:19 · answer #3 · answered by Sam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you go to the dictionary and look up the word selfish you will find your story there as an example. You don't care what happens to your children or the children of the guy you're cheating with. If you did you would not be in this situation. He doesn't care what happens to your children or his own or he would not be in this situation. It's obvious neither of you care one wit about the people you're respectively engaged to.
You're fooling yourself if you think people "can" get hurt if the affair is exposed. People will get hurt. The children will be hurt. Families will be hurt. Friends will be hurt. The people you are engaged to will be hurt. There's no 'can' here.
Do you really think friends will ever accept this relationship? No. They'll feel forced to take sides. Do you think your kids will never find out? Wrong. Do you think your family will ever accept this guy? Probably not. Who will the kids live with? How often will you get to see them?
But hey, neither of you are really thinking about friends, family, or children, are you. You're both just enjoying the selfish pleasure of being together.
Am I being harsh? It's something you need to hear. Be a good mother and do the right thing.
2007-01-16 10:09:41 · answer #4 · answered by JB 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Break up with your lover and dont make any wedding plans with your fiance until you know how you really feel. Once this ends you may feel very ashamed and guilty for the affair - esspecially if you decide to make it work with your fiance. Once you know what you want to do work at it and only see one of the men.
2007-01-16 10:12:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I honestly think it's wrong. I believe you're having an affair because something is missing in your current relationship. I would examine that and put a stop to it. If your significant other finds out; he may sue you for custody or try to anyway. It will just get very messy emotional and finacially which you don't want to do.
2007-01-16 09:47:36 · answer #6 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you plan to continue seeing him , and his feelings are mutual. Do the right thing and break up with your b/f before moving on . its better to start a relationship with a clean slate . Your lover should do the same . What ever you end up doing be honest . Or as honest as you can be at this point
2007-01-16 10:01:11 · answer #7 · answered by Peace of Mind 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, not stupid at all. I have had an affair for almost 8 years. And as you, my lover makes me feel wonderful...most of the time. Your situation is a little more involved with having children than mine is. I think you should re-think your situation about your mate and how you feel about him. Give it time. You'll eventually know which man is for you.
2007-01-16 09:47:45 · answer #8 · answered by K.W. 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Did you feel this way with your fiance when you first met?? Bet you did. Your boyfriend is something new and exciting in your life. I can tell you, when you break it off with your fiancee and the "new" wears off the boyfriend, you will regret letting your fiancee go. END it with the boyfriend.
What about your kids? It is not healthy to let them get attached to your fiancee, and then decide you don't want to be with him - and bring a new guy into the picture.
2007-01-16 09:42:39 · answer #9 · answered by LG 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are stupid, these things happen. You will both have to be patient and break it off with your respective partners. Have a cooling off time, and then you can be together properly. Sounds simple hey, it won't be, but if you love each other and are meant to be together you will make it work.
2007-01-16 09:40:39 · answer #10 · answered by Chickette 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋