Well, here goes my story. I'm a guy in mid-twenties, met this girl, met this girl bout 1 year ago, she's 7 years older than me and we kinda "clicked" in a way. I do love her a lot but there's things I really find hard to accept. One is the fact I just finished Uni last year while she dropped out of high-school at 17 and never went back, doing quite a low job all her life. Also I find it hard to accept her past, some suicidal behaviour I've recently found out about mostly and I'm really heart-broken. On one side, I wish I could close my eyes to the parts that disturb me about her and just love her completely and make her happy for the rest of our lives, on the other I'm wondering if its right, if maybe I'll regret it marrying her and then it will be harder for both of us. She reaaaaaly loves me a lot and shows me that every day, a very caring and loving person. What is your opinion ? What must I do. Lately, I've been really praying for guidance, hope God shows me the right thing to do..
2007-01-16 01:00:48 · 15 answers · asked by Ella F 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way, she's 32, I'm 25....
2007-01-16 01:01:36 · update #1
Just to add a detail. Those suicidal acts are a thing of the past , she discovered God now and she wouldn;t do that again. Her past self and now are two diff persons.
2007-01-16 01:08:50 · update #2
Yes , of course I love her but I just hope I could wipe away all negative thoughts about her... :(
2007-01-16 01:15:16 · update #3
sounds to me like you don't really know what you want you need to do some soul searching and find yourself then you'll know what you need not just what you want
2007-01-16 01:04:49 · answer #1 · answered by Lovely 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are doing the right thing. Keep praying, put the big questions in the Lord's hands. I personally feel that you two love each other very much and that's what is most important. I know it would be hard to forget about the past, but as long as she's straightened up - I don't see the problem. We all have done things and made mistakes in the past, just learn and grow from them. As long as the two of you are happy and share the same beliefs that's what's important. Good Luck and God Bless!
2007-01-16 09:08:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do u understand all, the whole story behind her past? Maybe you have only been told partial pieces . Find out . Let thee not judge... isn't this in the bible? read it ... the person she was yesterday may not be who she was io years ago. Her past sounds like she swayed a bit . From what ---------the way your past was?Do u have such a wonderful past? Did u do everything sooooooo right. Huh ....Huh... wow I guess thats why she is now a real sincere person huh ....huh... Think about all of this ... People grow up & some of us are rebels. It doesn't mean we can't love, learn and conform to societys laws . It just means we may have a little more spirit than others.........Maybe all she ever needed was your love .Someone to love.Maybe u don't know all the facts of her life... U may not ever understand them but u said u love her ... Her past is what made her the person she is today... Think about that.... If she has God in her life then she has love & thats all u need isn't it?
2007-01-16 10:48:02 · answer #3 · answered by lilly l 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love her you can accept any flaws she may have. Maybe you can help her. Don't live in the past....the past is no longer. You love her for who she is presently. My husband can't stand my past but we have made a family together. We love each other very much. You can't judge a person by who they used to be. Alot of people grow out of that stage and move on and mature. I did. My husband hates the fact that I used to party and be very promiscuous but now that's not who I am. If she's being wonderful to you now and loves you and treats you well ...why would you dwell on her past? If the person you love has problems or issues ...you don't turn your back on them, you help them and make it better. Good Luck I hope your heart and God will show you the way.
2007-01-16 09:09:42 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you know if you can over look that stuff. You have only known each other for a year, give it another before you decide to marry her. To me, (with of course a much longer history of problems) it doesn't sound like anything you cant deal with. I dropped out of school when I was 17 and have no intention of going back. I always have my nose in a book but don't want to spend the money or the resources to do it ( I am 21) with 2 full time jobs and happy with my life, maybe she is happy too.
If you cant love her for who she is, don't play games with her heart.
2007-01-16 09:14:46 · answer #5 · answered by Maroo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To quote you " On one side, I wish I could close my eyes to the parts that disturb me about her and just love her completely"
Obviously, from what you've said in your post, you can't close your eyes to her shortcomings. Why settle if it's not what you want? It sounds like you're a bit ashamed of the fact that you don't love her more. If I were you, I would be brutally honest with myself and say, "Is this the person I want to be with?" If your answered is peppered with "yes, if only she was...this or that" well, I think you have your answer right there. Move on. It's fine to feel bad about the end of something, but that's better than sticking with it because you don't want to hurt someones feelings and ending up feeling bitter and resentful. Good luck and keep looking for what's important to you in a person. You'll be much happier you did.
2007-01-16 09:12:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you are agonizing over this relationship suggests that your prayers have already been answered and this is not the woman for you. Although she appears to really love you, she may be clinging to you, rather than actually loving you. Moreover, her disturbing past will most certainly become an issue later on. Before you commit yourself to this woman, take the time to meet other girls--women who are closer to your age and who have less baggage. You're a young man and there's plenty of time for marriage, so don't rush into anything.
2007-01-16 10:11:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has no ambition, its ok to say you love someone but is she the right package for you. Ask yourself how you will feel in a few years time when your pals have married their intellectual equals who may be in carears and earning big bucks. This girl sounds a bit of a loser, sweet maybe, but I would caution you regarding marriage. If you really want to test the relationship make sure she knows marriage is not on the cards for some time, 5 years sounds good That way you will really know her before commitment.
2007-01-16 09:15:46 · answer #8 · answered by julia g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds as if she has indeed found god, and if she shows u unconditional love, that u can overlook her past, and give her a chance. help her realize her dreams, give her lots of encouragement. maybe in the past she was with people who hurt her and didn't give her the love u offer her. of course we have no guarantees when we marry someone that things will work out, but with the right choices, and doing the will of god, there is a chance all will work out. the past is the past, doesn't mean the things of our past will ever reappear, because when we discover god, all gets changed, especially our outlook on life.
2007-01-16 09:18:44 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure about you, but I've made tons of mistakes in the past. I don't think you need to focus so much on her mistakes, but more on if she's learned and grown from them. You mentioned that she really loves you, but the real question is, do you love her? I'm assuming you do, because if you didn't, then I don't believe that you would be so upset about it.
I really hope you make the decision that is right for you.
2007-01-16 09:12:59 · answer #10 · answered by Michelle W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for one thing maybe she'll want to better herself. I mean just because she quit school doesn't mean she can't get a GED and better herself that is if she really wanted to for herself. Plus at least you can say she's been honest with you about her past. So she had some problems, don't we all. We just deal with them in different ways. If you love her as you do and as it seems she does you you can get over these small obstacles. And that's just what they are. good luck to you ;o)
2007-01-16 09:07:13 · answer #11 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋