My friend suffers from mild anxiety attacks and doesn't get out much. I invited her along on a holiday with my boyfriend and I and some of our friends as I thought it would do her good to get away, have some fun and meet some new people. She agreed and has accepted my invitation. The holiday is now booked but my friend keeps hinting about me and her "doing our own thing" and warning me that she might have attacks and will need me. I have no intention of leaving her alone, but I also want to spend time with my boyfriend and other friends. I have been looking forward to the holiday but am now worried that I have made a mistake by inviting my friend. How can I make my intentions clear without hurting her feelings?
2007-01-16 00:51:00 · 7 answers · asked by L x 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Just tell her. Tell her that you will be there for her when she really needs you, but you also need to make time for yourself and your man. Tell her you know how much she is worried and that she is having insecurity issues right now (that's what I get from the description). Let her know that you invited her along to destress and get out, not to worry even more. It would be great to take a fraction of that time and do your own thing, but she needs to realize that she can't depend on anyone else for her happiness. Only she can determine how she is going to act and what she is going to do. She can't let others decide for her. You're a great friend for inviting her in the first place. I'm sure you'll do the right thing.
2007-01-16 00:56:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When she mentions you guys "doing your own thing" just say, "Oh, I don't think we'll have time for that" or "Well, we'll just hang out as a group" or something similar. If she talks about having an attack, I would reassure her that you absolutely won't leave her alone at all. But tell her how much you're looking forward to spending time with everyone and how happy you are that she's coming along. She should talk to a doctor about medication to help control her condition if she doesn't already have some. It can really help in these situations.
2007-01-16 08:56:39 · answer #2 · answered by leaptad 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just level with her and let her know that you will be spending time with all your friends, not just her. This is a group holiday, so you'll have to make her understand that she's expected to mix with everyone, not just you. If she doesn't know those who are going along, introduce her now, so that she'll be familiar with them. Let her know that if she has an "attack", you'll try to be there for her, but that she just might have to wait until you're available. This friend really needs to seek help for her "attacks". There IS medication that can help keep her from falling apart. I would encourage her to seek help, so that you're not the only one she depends on. What would happen if you moved away? She'd be a basket case, and you'd blame yourself, and that's just not fair or right. It's HER problem, and she needs to seek help with it, so that she can cope on her own. I had a friend like her. Unfortunately, I didn't live up to her expectations of being her constant companion, and she tossed me as a friend. Though I'm sad about our 16 year friendship going south, I'm not sad about constantly propping up her "attacks". It was very draining on me, and my family. If she can't live with your suggestions, you might have to cut her loose. Yeah, I know that's harsh. But she can't expect you to be her everything. She needs to do some work here too, and start trying to function as normally as possible. <*)))><
2007-01-16 09:03:39 · answer #3 · answered by Sandylynn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just need to be honest with her. Tell her you will be there for her but she must appreciate you and your boyfriend will want to spend some time together on the holiday too. Discuss openly before you go so you both know what to expect - does your boyfriend know the situation? Would be best to let him know too. I'm sure as a group you can all support your friend - she needs to realise she cannot rely solely on you - that wouldn't be much of a break for you, would it? Good luck, be honest, open and considerate and you should do fine...
2007-01-16 08:55:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
L x, try introducing your friend to the other friends that will be going. This will help her feel more comfortable around them and hopefully she will find someone else who she can spend some time with also during your group holiday.
2007-01-16 08:56:20 · answer #5 · answered by Mr. Smooth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is hinting to you that she may have an attack then that should tell you something. she is a faker! sound to me that she is jealous and my just want you all to her self. Look deeper into what she is saying. If she knows she will have an attack then she needs to keep her butt at home. Your not rescue 911
2007-01-16 09:05:49 · answer #6 · answered by tall_slimm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her straight about the holiday... The reason for inviting her and that you don't want it to be ruined by her selfishness...
2007-01-16 08:54:26 · answer #7 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋