It is now three years since I left and ultimately divorced my wife because she had a affair. The affair lasted five months, then she wanted to come home. My pride wouldn't let me. We now have joint custody of the kids and I see that this is not working for them. I regret not noticing that then. Anyone can relate?
2007-01-16 00:11:23 · 16 answers · asked by Tony k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You shouldn't feel like you should have stayed together for the kids. The kids will eventually adjust. It is better for them like this than to live with both parents and know that they are not happy. And believe me, the kids will know you are not happy. You just have to try and make the best of your time with them and talk to them about it.
2007-01-16 00:16:46 · answer #1 · answered by Stacy S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes and no.. I have an adulterous ex-wife and recently discovered my current wife is in love with her sugar daddy from the past. I would say it depends on the friendship that you two had. If it is very strong then continue a friendship and give it time, maybe 2-3 years before you let her come back home but she can still come by everyday to see the kids and shoot the poop with you. Letting her come home without a cooling-off period may give her the false security that if she has another affair that you will also forgive her for that one also. If it takes three years to come back home and (back in your bed) then she will know how serious you are about not tolerating her affair. Marriages don't last for 18 years (like parenting does) it is a life time commitment. if she is not willing to wait 2 years to rebuild the trust and friendship that lead to intimacy then she is not worth your time. If you are going to be together for 65 years whats 2 years to repair the relationship. She should be suggesting it and begging you to try it as she moves out and shows you that she is serious about your relationship.
2007-01-16 00:30:05 · answer #2 · answered by Magnus01 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I regret nothing of an ex spouse. Thats why their an EX they had chances for yrs. I regret not knocking their lights out for good. theres no excuse for an adult to misbehave with abuse or cheating. they know the drill before marriage and all what it means. she had an affair as she was a wimp a-ss not to come to you and say she wasnt happy and you two needed a counselor. if she came to you and said she isnt happy with somethign you couldve worked on it together. she let her self into the hole and you dint trust her. you think if u 2 was together still she would come to you and say now im not happy because of --------? etc.. nope. someone you trust and love enough to marry then you should say whats going pon in your head. temptation is all around so thats no excuse a hot person my butt big deal it comes and goes in a few seconds and to ruin a marriage over it was her loss. stupid chik.I could would never cheat on my bf we talk things out. we have fantasies and share them we speak up ...to each other she lost her line of respect for you so ya done right and sad about kids but this is what happens and nothing can make it perfect sorry but dont go back u done what ya had to.. you take nothing but true love and respect for yourself.. and now others know that u need that.. and will tolerate nothin but..if it was u just being a bf and gf then i would give her a 2nd chance but marriage was the clincher you made vows and so did she u had all the dating yrs to figure it all out get it all out of ur system the ups and downs and the what ifs and trials of dating and wanting or not wanting whos who and when but marriage is the big guns dead on stop and get to it for real
2007-01-16 00:32:00 · answer #3 · answered by gypsygirl731 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
All I can say is that my wife gave me a chance after messing around online, and everyday I am thankful she did. Our relationship has grown stronger in my opinion. It makes me sick anytime I think about what I did. If you think you are strong enough and you both seek counseling, then give it another chance. It won't be easy, but what is done is done and we indeed can be truly sorry for the pain and hurt we have caused our spouses.
2007-01-16 01:01:42 · answer #4 · answered by finished 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did what you had to do.
When I was about a year old, my dad cheated on my mom. She kicked him out and I am glad every day of my life. I didn't know until I was about 20 why they had split up. (I just figured it was Mom-you know, anybody who is always hollering at yo to go to your room, wash dishes, do your homework has to be an awful wife lol!) Do your kids know she was unfaithful? If they do, they likely resent her-when I found out what my Dad did, I wanted to shoot him.
Is it possible to talk to her about this? Has she moved on? Do you still love her? It's obvious that you love your kids, and it is obvious that you haven't moved on.
You already know the answer to this question. You are looking for validation. I hope you find it.
2007-01-16 00:20:06 · answer #5 · answered by kelly24592 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's never too late to reconcile differences.
I forgave my ex for his affair, only to discover there was another one that followed that one with my closest friend. I regret forgiving him for the first one because that was his nature...to roam.
You can be close friends again, for the sake of the children, I wouldn't enter into a marriage agreement too soon...
2007-01-16 00:18:39 · answer #6 · answered by Barbara 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you decide to do, please don't use your kids as pawns in a game between you and your ex-wife. Kids often pay for their parents mistakes, and it just isn't right.
If you feel your ex has learned from her mistakes, maybe you can go to "pre-marriage" councilling and start the new relationship off on the right foot.
2007-01-16 00:56:00 · answer #7 · answered by question_everything 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With my ex I gave 1000's on them.. and regretted anyone of them. With my present day bf I even have purely given one (for sth that truly probably wasn't certainly one of those vast deal) and optimistically won't must be apologetic approximately it.
2016-10-31 06:10:29 · answer #8 · answered by arrocha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If ever there is a reason to put your pride in your pocket its when children are involved-children do NOT THRIVE in divorce but SURVIVE-big difference! sorry you had to learn this the hard way...
2007-01-16 00:19:32 · answer #9 · answered by bikinibabewannabe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, Life is a lot better and that was 21 years ago.I don't have to worry about the constant cheating.If she is going to the grocery she is actually going there.
2007-01-16 00:23:23 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋