My girlfriends husband is cheating on her how can I let her know without revealing my identity (he's my boss)

Question

I am afraid if he finds out that I am the one who told her there will be consequences at work. I feel I am not a very good friend having this info and not sharing it with her

Answer 1

Are you very best friends, long term, very close? That is the only situation where you should be considering telling her. Friends are always in a difficult situation when this sort of thing is happening. What to do? Most friends, especially friends who are more like acquaintances than friends, keep it to themselves and stay out of it, but offer the friend support when they find out - because your friend will find out eventually. Most likely she already knows or suspects. I would not send any anonymous e-mails or letters - they would be very hurtful and cruel and upsetting to her, and most likely she would not believe them. Think how you would feel if you got a letter or e-mail like that. If you feel you have to tell her, then you have to do it kindly and gently and in person. Whatever happens here, she is likely to be hurt, and your role as her friend is to help her through it when things begin to fall apart. But it is not your job to tell her. When she finds out, and confides in you, that is your time to share with her what you know, if you want to share then. In the meantime, just be there for her, but don't try to cover for her husband. And if she asks you, then you tell her the truth. I would not confront her husband either. If you do, it is probably more likely to backfire on you than on him.

I have seen these sorts of situations many times, and your friend and her husband will need to come to terms with it themselves, without the interference of other people unless they themselves choose to bring the other people into the situation.

Answer 2

I don't think he seems to be so worried about his wife get to know about he been cheated on her, otherwise, he would be more careful by not allowing someone like you, his wife's friend, to know and deliver the news to her.
I know it must be hard for you to watch this from distance and becoming complicit to this. If his wife, was a very close friend of mine, and I was aware of her not knowing about her husband's affair, I would tell her, because I know she would never reveal how she got this information by putting my work in jeopardy.
Friends and family are forever work and bosses aren't. We can always get a new job, but a real friend, takes much more to gain.
PS: I saw some people suggesting you to inform her anonymously. I thought that was a good idea too.

Answer 3

#1. Make sure you have 100% proof to substantiate your claims.

#2. Make sure he has no idea you know of the cheating.

#3. Create a ficticious hotmail or yahoo email account and send the same email to each one of them explaing what you know while "blind carbon copying - Bcc" the other. IE: Send it to her and bcc him. Send it to him and bcc her. What you have is simple. They both got an email from someone annonomous stating Mr. Z is cheating on Mrs. Z. Because of the bcc, neither will know the other got a copy of the message. Let them hash it out and you keep your job.

If you don't tell her, she looks like an asshole for not spotting the signs everyone else can see. If you tell her, it could be the confirmation she is looking for, if she suspected in the first place.

Either way, if he is cheating, he's does not want her to know. This is unfair to her. If you know something, tell her!

If your the one he's cheating with, this is a bigger can of worms.

TELL HER!

Answer 4

The very best possible way for you to do this is either one, you and her go out and just happen to come across her husband and his girlfriend this way SHE bust him herself or send her an anonymous letter but including proof like a picture. Or have a third person tell the wife.Other than that I don't have any ideas. But one thing for sure if you drop the dime on him I do believe you will be out of a job. Good Luck

Answer 5

Your work situation sounds really strange you must really need this job for you to stay there even though your ex works there and your boss is a jerk.

If you would be the wife would you want some anonymous email?
If you think that's the best way to keep your job and you really need to keep it, then do it.

But if you think about what's good for your friend you would tell her in person.

Answer 6

must have ditched him once you stumbled on out the first time. He received't replace, you are able to ignore about that. you should elect: stay or go away. Is he, in the different case, a good and worrying father, financially responsible, and also you adult adult males have fantastically a lot the same destiny aims? do you want to take the daddy faraway from the youngsters? are you able to stay jointly with his unfaithfulness for the sake of the little ones? it is your selection yet you want to be conscious that this isn't almost you and him; it truly is about what's ideal for you little ones.

Answer 7

It seems that your loyalties are in conflict. Look at it this way. If you rat out your boss and get fired, will his wife support you? A good thing to know is when you should just butt out and let their problems remain thiers. You have enough on your plate and are causing yourself undue stress by worrying about your boss's marital status.
Yes he'll crash and burn eventually and someone is gonna get hurt, but it's NOT YOUR PROBLEM. It's theirs.

Answer 8

I guess at the end of the day you need to know which is more important to you, your friend or your job. But here's my own personal nudge on an old saying, jobs come and go but you'll always keep your friends.

Answer 9

He should have NEVER put you in this position. However, there are other jobs, ones where you don't feel threatened, but your friendship is fragile. chances are, if you tell your friend, she will hate you. You should tell your boss that its in his best interest to quit his affair since people know about it and someone WILL tell his wife, if they already haven't. if you really MUST tell her, write an annonymous letter to her with dates and addresses she can confirm.

Answer 10

tell her outright and then ask her out on a date, then after the divorce you may just be the boss, and get some good lovin as well !, since in most states if their are kids involved , she'll get everything !