My best friend is dating a girl who although is probably nice has changed him a lot. he is slacking at work, messing up his divorce which is costing him money and neglecting his friends especially me. he wont see any of us without her around, and although he talks to me on the phone 3 or 4 times a week he has not seen me alone once in the last 6 months and only seen me 4 times during then with her. His personality has changed everyone has noticed, hes very happy though just unreliable and not a goo dfriend anymore. So much so when i got bad test results and he wld normally have come over to see if i was ok he didnt bother and didnt really seem to care which was hurtful. i have finally told him i need to talk to him alone and he is coming over tonight to talk.... what is everyones viewpoint - hes lost all his other friends they have moved on as have i but a part of me thinks i shld give him a chance to change or understand whats going on i think he is oblivious. hes a nice person .
2007-01-14 21:09:17 · 12 answers · asked by confused 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
im his divorce lawyer as well!! thats how i know he has lost 50k or more as he is so busy living it up on teh weekend with her he doesnt file what he needs to and has 3 adjournments already as for work - a friend of mine is his biggest client and he has been leting that slip and people in teh same professionas him are bad mouthing him for messing up a lot and neglecting his job which is easily noticeable and its a small town we are all in. no he has dfineitly not got perspetive - he was a classy individual she is a punk rock goth chick!
2007-01-14 21:46:20 · update #1
his friends have met her and we are all polite but she doesnt like them i think she just about tolerates me
2007-01-14 21:48:31 · update #2
Explain all you wrote in your question to him and have an honest, open conversation. Period!
2007-01-14 21:14:38 · answer #1 · answered by emiliosailez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get him to read this! You have explained very clearly the
way that you feel and why. See what he has to say. It is
very hard when you are going through a divorce. I know
I wanted my friends - it was a long time before I was ready
for another relationship. If he at any time finished with this
current girlfriend. What would he do? Turn to his friends
or go find another girl? It sound like his new partner has
moulded him into someone you do not know anymore. That
is so sad. He must see where you are coming from. You sound
like the kind of friend he should be grateful to have. Let him
read this as well!! If he is as nice as you say, he won,t fly
of the handle he will sit and listen to you. Hope it goes okay.
2007-01-14 21:25:42 · answer #2 · answered by Minxy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This seems to be more about you than your "friend". He has got himself a girl and you are feeling neglected She's "probably" a nice girl "but" etc. In your opinion he's slacking at work and not spending time being concerned about you. How is it possible for his divorce to be messed up because he has a girlfriend and why does it bother you when, evidently, it don't bother him. My advice to you is stop being self centred and be more supportive you really are quite thick. Why should he not bring the girl he probably loves round to meet his (so-called) friends You think he is letting things slip well I think he is probably putting things into perspective and sorting out the important things in his life, quite frankly you sound like a spurned girlfriend, I can picture the scene - It's me or her, I think you are on a loser.
2007-01-14 21:41:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, I did a friend that way. I didn't mean to. I just got involved with the woman whom I would later marry. I did have him be my best man and he was more like a brother to me, but I didn't see him as often as I did before I got married. Of course, the girl(my wife)didn't interfere with my job, that I know of, and she really didn't make me loose my other friends(she did, however, often make me choose between her and my family), but even when she passed away I had two young children to raise on my own and didn't see my friend any more often, then. Now he's not around anymore. He was killed two, or three years ago by a train and I wish I had spent more time with him. Tell that to your friend. But, if he doesn't change, just be willing to be there for him anyway. Good luck.
2007-01-14 21:36:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since he has a lot to deal with at this time(divorce,work friends,and new girl friend).Maybe this is over whelming to him,and since he "thinks "he is happy with the new girl friend(I said thinks because since this might be a rebound thing-he maynot be thinking like he normaly would have,and she MAYBE taking advantage of/controling him.If you can/if you feel the friend he was is worth it=still be a friend to him!If she is useing him/?,he will need you more then ever when his world crashes down on him!Good Luck!!
2007-01-14 21:27:32 · answer #5 · answered by stressed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem with my brother as he married someone and now is totally engulfed in her. She doesn't want him seeing me. There is nothing you or I can do or say that will change anything. The best thing to do is just be there for him and maybe someday he will see what is happening. Confrontation is the worst possible thing you can do.
2007-01-14 21:15:30 · answer #6 · answered by gin and juice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
by having him around you are still offering him the hand of friendship it will be up to him if he takes it ...it sad that he has drop his friends because of a new gf he should try and make time for you all nights out with mates nights with her and as a group ..but his mates have to make her welcome as well..maybe you haven't done that or maybe she has a low self esteem and she finds it hard to deal with his mates.... what ever the reason let him know how you feel so he can pick what he wants to do
2007-01-14 21:20:53 · answer #7 · answered by carol p 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
his girlfriend sounds like some kind of a control freak she s the one that changed him, talk to him and tell him exactly wot u think and how u feel if he doesnt like wot u tell him then he obviously aint worth it and u ll be wasting your time on him.
2007-01-14 21:20:21 · answer #8 · answered by Mal S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
May be he has to really "f"-up to see his ways, you can point them out but he has to take heed. If he is truly as "whipped" as you say, there is no saving him, he is lost to that ever controlling "hole", stay clear, the fall out is not going to be nice.
2007-01-14 21:14:56 · answer #9 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should think of possible ways to LET him
open to you first before you attempt to tell him his faults...
if you get the first strike, chances are... you'll lose him....
2007-01-14 21:36:16 · answer #10 · answered by xKaiSeRx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋