My boyfriend of two years is an alcoholic. Recently his health has got worse (he's always running to be sick.. we're talking several times a day) he's been to the doctor who has stated to obviously "stop drinking"
It's easier said than done. He's too shy to go to AA meetings so that's not an option. He drinks a large bottle of vodka per day (mixed with diet coke throughout the day)
I'm desperate to help but don't find I am making a difference at all.
From hiding bottles to moving out at one point..
Probably worth mentioning that my mum was a heavy drinker and I lost her to it in october 2005. I want to help my boyfriend and don't want to lose him too but I can't go through this again.
Genuine advice will be greatly appreciated
2007-01-14 20:21:17 · 20 answers · asked by Ally G 1 in Health ➔ Men's Health
he needs more help than you can give him. No matter how shy he is, he needs to suck it up and get the help he needs. Sit and have a heart to heart with him, tell him about your mum, about your fears and set some ultimatems. If he refuses to get treatment you need to let him go and let him know those are his choices, To get healthy and be with you, or be alone and keep drinking. This will no doubt be hard but you are seting yourself up to be hurt inthe future, Good luck. I hope he chooses you.
2007-01-14 20:25:41 · answer #1 · answered by surfer_grl_ca 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend is me ten twenty years ago..
You can't help him, not directly. Convince him to go into a detox program, preferably 90 days or longer, at a minimum 30 days.
If he's gotten to the vomiting stage he's only one step away from where I ended up - vomiting blood and ending up in the hospital, over and over... the step after that, as you obviously know is his death.
He needs to be detoxed and like it or not, he needs to get into some sort of program, if not AA then some other kind of support group. And you'll need to keep alcohol out of the house, and give up any drinking you do as well.
When I first got any real sobriety - I went to AA meetings daily, sometimes more than daily - you don't have to talk, but he should introduce himself as new and shy if he wants.
First step though - a detox program, minimum 30 days as I mentioned. If he can't afford one - check public health services, most places have one or more places one can stay for the 30 days to months (in some cases a year or more).
I wish you all the best - what you're going through is horrible.
-dh
2007-01-14 20:32:15 · answer #2 · answered by delicateharmony 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If your bf is drinking a bottle a day it doesn't really sound like he's ready to give up. He needs to really want to stop before there's any hope. You say AA is not an option but if he wants to quit then he's going be prepared to try anything and will need more than your support. I'm really sorry about your situation but when he wants your help you can only be there for support and encouragement. You could try talking to your doctor about hospital admission for detox but this is only ever going to work if your bf is in 100% agreement with this course of action.
2007-01-14 20:29:38 · answer #3 · answered by ammie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to help your boyfriend stop drinking. It is good that you mentioned AA meetings but its up to him to attend. Right now, I am concerned about you. Find a CODA (Codependents Anonymous) or Al-Anon that deals with family members with alcohol problems. Even if you don't drink, you are affected by your boyfriend and mum. It is very important that you build your self-esteem and then you will be better able to make a decision about your relationship. Remember as a loved one, alcoholism is a disease that can cloud your judgment too.
2007-01-14 20:33:53 · answer #4 · answered by Crystal W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He won't stop until HE ADMITS he has a problem - if you can't go through with this situation again you need to leave him and hope this wake up call gets him to sort himself out. By you staying you are letting him know you are accepting it - it is an extremely hard situation - alternatively tell him its you or the drink and then you can take it from there - if he chooses you the condition for staying is that he admits he has a problem and seeks help or if he chooses drink then there is nothing you can do.
2007-01-14 20:27:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-07 04:31:25 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately you can't help him unless he wants to be helped. Tell him that you're worried about him and that you want to help him if you can. Then all you can do is be there to support him when he does ask for it. There is usually an underlying reason why people drink too much and this issue needs to be addressed. Maybe he can see a counsellor on a one to one basis if he is too shy to attend a group session.
2007-01-14 20:35:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He might just need a wake up call. Don't give up, eventually he'll realize. Recently (about 12 days ago) my cousin's husband died because of drinking... so I can definitely see why you're worried, also having lost your mom. Maybe if you just talk to him and be totally honest with him about your feelings... if he'd rather drink than make you happy maybe he isn't the right guy.
2007-01-14 20:25:22 · answer #8 · answered by * 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he loves and i mean really loves you tell him if he wants to be with you he has to get help because you cant go through with this anymore ( i have been an alcoholic for a year) been with bf for almost two years and he hates it when i drank but he knew i was depressed so he told me if u dont get help i cant be with u i dont wunna sit here and watch u kill urself
and i had to stop acting like a child and start getting my life together and i did bec i loved him and i didnt wunna lose him so if he loves you then he should know you are more important then a bottle
2007-01-14 20:27:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had relatives who were funtioning alcoholics and got into relationships with alcoholics too.
AA is the best bet and it does not cost anything. He should be more shy about his drinking than his attempt at recovery.
And you should go to AlAnon. They're the people who have been there.
Good luck.
2007-01-14 20:27:22 · answer #10 · answered by San Diego Art Nut 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋