my boyfriend of 10 years, is always choosing his ex wife over me . He says its for the kids(ages 11,14,15)he?

Question

takes he to dinner, invites her to amusment park,
( while me and my 13yr old son stay home). He tells her when were fighting,i found her old drivers licence in his wallet, found pictures of her on his phone(not her & the kids, just her), and the latest is he spent the whole weekend with her helping her move(he didnt even bother to come home until the 3rd day). She once told me she would never even consider getting back with him and i believe her (because of there bad brack up). He tells me he is not intrested in her, i say he's full of it and thinks he's still in love with her and regrets whatever it is he did to her. i'm tierd of looking like a idiot. He say's im crazy, and he'll never get back with her(yea, cause she wouldnt want him back) can anone please tell me what you think of this situation? Oh i forgot we never do anything anymore because i dont deserve it or i need to earn it. And helps her because"he like's to feel needed by her" HELP

Answer 1

leave him, it is obvious he is still in love with her, i can see him saying that its for the kids if he were to bring you and your son along.. if u dont leave u will always be second and thats no way to live and then maybe if u leave he will realize what hes doin wrong but as long as u stay and do nothing about it he will keep walkin all over you, and i dont care whatshe said, the whole weekend thing, i dont think i could trust that they didnt sleep together, just leave you deserve better than that... give him an ultamatum, if he chooses her he dont love u like he should, but make it clear to him that ur not tryin to make him pick u over his kids, ur just tryin to see where u come in!!

Answer 2

This is from a man's point of view, but I think he's telling the truth. If he wanted to leave you and go back to her, what's stopping him? He's had 10 years to leave you and he didn't...why get insecure now?? He probably just wants to spend time with his kids, who are growing up and becoming sentient human beings that he can relate to; she's just an aside to that dynamic and as such must be appeased. He's being friendly(I seriously doubt it goes any further than that), but even if he were slipping it to her, what's the big deal? Jealousy is a wasted emotion! There's nothing you can do about it but get rid of him, if that's in your best interest.
He's going to stay with you, unless you push him away because you're too possesive to allow him to create a relationship with his children and in that case, he'll choose being single and deal with her anyway. You choose...

Answer 3

You stated that you were tired of looking like an idiot. Well if you are still with him after he was gone for three days with the ex wife you really do look like an idiot. I would have packed my bags the first night that he stayed out all night. Sounds to me like he is not a very loyal man.

Answer 4

why are you still there youre not a door mat it time to pick your self up move on and let him have his lost booty call . yes you can be nice for the kids but going out no out of line and you shouldnt stand for it and i sure if thing were turn around and you going out with a ex he would get mad he need to show you respect good luck ps i have three kids as while and there no way i would even think about doing what he has done

Answer 5

if he's that crappy, why did you have to worry about him and his ex? if i were you, i'd even let them go on a romantic holiday together (that would never happen, even if you wished it). and since you like this sort of crappy guy, why worry?

except for that line: "what is this about not doing anything anymore because you dont deserve it or you need to earn it??? "

is this because you have turned him off you because of your fears and suspicions? or because there really isnt anything anymore?

if i know crappy guys. it's probably the latter and hence why the ex would never go back to him. let's face it, in the long term, life with a crappy guy is going to be .... CRAPPY.

you just need to pack up and go.

Answer 6

It's clear that your boyfriend can't cut the apron strings. His "ex" lied to you dear. Wake up and smell the petunias. This has affair written all over it.
Your boyfriend of 10 years thinks he is getting the best of both worlds and getting away with it.
You deserve better than this and so does your son.

Answer 7

I agree with what they others are saying .. but that doesn't matter .. what matters is what you are feeling here ... Is it time to move on dear ? Only you can answer that ...

It looks like he is making a fool out of everything that your relationship stood for

I wish you and your son all the best

Answer 8

unless u want 10 more years of this, it may be best to get out of it, he is still in love with her, and she still loves and feels comfortable with him, she and his kids are first priority and u are not. if i were in your situation, and was once, i divorced him, moved on met someone else who puts me first. does no good to voice your hurts to him, as u just aren't important to him, not like she is, or his kids are.he doesn't invite u on outings they go on, because there is still a bonding and relationship going on no matter what either of them say. if there weren't why is it that they never include u?

Answer 9

I think you're right - I think he is still in love with her, and whether she returns his feelings is debatable. She might say to you that she couldn't imagine getting back together with him, to him on the other hand....? In any case, I think you should consider whether you want to continue thinking and living this way, or whether you want to break up and find a man who truly deserves you.

Answer 10

I think it's about time you gave him an ultimatum. Don't include the kids as it's clear that he is using them as an excuse to see her. Tell him he needs to choose, he can't have you both as you don't want to share and see what he says. sounds like you would be better off without him.