My wife is not interested in sex any more. I love her but i'm afraid i might consider finding a girlfriend . What should i do. Whats' the problem
2007-01-14 18:46:24 · 24 answers · asked by Nkosingiphile M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Really is sex everything....... Marriage is a very important thing why would you even think of a girlfriend exp... when you have a kid.... how selfish are you..... masturbate.. Talk to your wife about how you feel.. don't just jump into deep waters and ruin your kids life..... as well as your wife's and yourself.
2007-01-14 18:52:07 · answer #1 · answered by ompie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK...back it up. Before you go and make a potentially dangerous decision to get a girlfriend, ASK your wife what's going on. You haven't really given enough information about the changes in your lives other than she's not interested in sex any more.
1. Is she a stay at home mom? She's probably exhausted.
2. Is she nursing? That would certainly make me less interested in having sex.
3. Have you asked her why she's not interested?
4. Have you considered that maybe she's had a major shift in hormones or that she may have a medical issue?
5. After she had the baby, and was able to have sex, how did you approach her? Was it business as usual or did you consider that she'd just passed that 7 pound mellon that she'd been carrying around for 9 months?
6. Have you asked her to go to couples counseling with you?
You say you love her, but your first thought is "Well, I'm not getting mine so I gotta get a girlfriend..." Consider this:
1. You made a commitment to her. Having an affair or getting a girlfriend is the coward's way out of dealing with the problem. If you love her, then act like you do.
2. Are you prepared to deal with the worst-case scenario if you decide to get a girlfriend? Say...the girlfriend develops a fatal attraction for you, passes on an STD that you pass on to your wife (because this sex thing isn't permament, and you will have sex eventually- even if it is infrequent) and the girlfriend gets pregnant? Don't think that it can't happen.
3. Do you think it's ok to jeopardize your marriage and your relationship with your child because you're not having enough sex?
Please.
Sit down and think about what it means to love your wife. Think about what you're willing to do to keep your marriage in tact. Think about the example you want to set to your child of a loving father, one your child can be proud of.
Put a greater value on your marriage that what you presently have. Ask you wife what's going on, encourage her to go to counseling with you. Before you give in to your hormones, work it out.
2007-01-14 19:12:46 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My first instinct is to tell you what I tell everyone I help with relationship issues.... Communication, or lack thereof, is enough to make or break any relationship. There is obviously a real, legitimate reason why she has "lost interest" in sex. Perhaps you should talk to her about it, instead of just assuming that she either will want to or not. Not that I am saying that you are consciously doing that. IIt could be something as simple as the stress of having a small child to care for or just the stress of life in general. If she is not sure what the problem is, perhaps the two of you should see a therapist to see if that can help. Maybe there are issues of one reason or another that she needs to work through, whether she knows it or not. It could even be something that you are doing or not doing that you don't even realize. The one thing that I will stress above all else is not to go looking for affection outside of your marriage. You obviously love each other if you have been married for 7 years and have a child together. You can work through this without potentially killing your relationship. I hope that everything works out for you and your family.
2007-01-14 18:57:53 · answer #3 · answered by angelofmusic387 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to your wife about this. Her interest or should I say lack there of could be hormonal related especially if she's taking something like hormonal contraceptives in which case she needs to see her doctor to change brands or something else or it could be a psychological or personal reason. Does she have enough time to herself (and her sexuality) since having the baby? Are there any issues that have come up in your marriage since the baby that may cause your wife to be less interested sexually? Her lack of sex drive is something that you need to deal with together. Giving up on her now and cheating on her because she's not interested in sex is not only throwing your marriage vows out the window, but extremely hurtful to both your wife and your baby. If you love your family, you wouldn't do anything like that and you would talk with your wife and consider seeing a doctor with her or a counsellor together to discuss these things. Good luck!
2007-01-14 18:53:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you really loved her you would not be thinking of finding a girlfriend. Having a baby and the stress of a family can do alot to a woman. She will become interested again. Why don't you do romantic things for her like bring her flowers, buy her funy little cards, kiss her for no reason, tell her how great of a mom and wife she is, compliment how great she looks... stuff like that, but never make it seem like you want sex in return. It will take some time but once she realises she is still attractive, appreciated and loved she may become interested in sex again. Good luck!
2007-01-14 18:53:01 · answer #5 · answered by Me 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, you need to talk to her. More than likely she is so exhausted from watching the baby that sex is the last time on her mind. What about getting a baby sitter or dropping the baby off at your family's house and pay for her to go to the spa, and then take her out for a romantic dinner? She'll probably be more in the mood then. Whatever you do, don't cheat on her. At the very least communicate with her and if she in unwillingly to meet you half way consider moving on.
2007-01-14 19:19:40 · answer #6 · answered by Smart_ca_latina 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Love just isn't physical, it's emotional as well, if you truly loved your wife, you'd give her understanding, and compassion and think of how she would feel if she found out you were having an affair. Just because she isn't "interested" doesn't mean she doesn't love you or isn't commited to your relationship.
You need to sit down and talk with her in an understanding way and try to get to the heart of the matter.
Perhaps she doesn't see you helping out enough around the house, especially with your one year old baby. Baby's take alot of time and may not seem physically draining to you, but they are, they are alot of work just as they are alot of fun to have around. At times, children can emotionally drain you as well, and as a mom, and a wife, I can understand that her sexual drive isn't as you think it should be. There may be other issues on her mind that perhaps are front stage and the intimacy just takes too much emotional fortitude that she can't give ... she may just want to sleep in the comfort of your arms... or enjoy a lovely back rub from you... no strings... when there is no pressure to perform after baby goes to bed, it is much easier to get the wifey to play...
offer to make dinner for the two of you, share a glass of wine, surprise her with a bubble bath... and bottle feed the baby while she relaxes, put baby down... and gently offer to wash her... wash her hair, her body down to her toes... I know you may think this is your ticket, but do not expect a thing, and you go further than where you are now... a woman loves to be pampered, and has to be gently eased into the mood... we cannot just press a button and "Hello, we're at the starting line... vrooom..."
go to the library or book store, and discover what happens to couples after a baby, read it together, share with her your thoughts and feelings... you will discover it's not just all her... somehow you contributed to the marriage not being as it should... ( the both of you did... somehow you both let distance get between you) But it can be solved, if both of you are commited... this is a common dilema alot of families have... just take it easy , be gentle, love her emotianally, not just physically... love her with your minnnnnd man! ( Little humour)
Take care,
2007-01-14 19:06:37 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a jerk for even thinking about getting a girlfriend. The reason your wife isn't interested in sex anymore is likely she is too exhausted looking after your child.
Get a babysitter for the night, take her out for a nice dinner and woo her into your arms again.
Help with the chores around the house--the day to day chores like shopping, cleaning and so on, this will free up time to play together!
Good luck!
2007-01-14 18:52:32 · answer #8 · answered by prairiegurrl 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think that before people marry they need to have an agreement of what to do if the sex goes by the way side.
Get some counseling. Have a heart to heart talk with her.
Start to seduce her, not just in the bedroom but any time of the day. Like holding hands while watching TV or in the car. Act like you are dating her. Married couples need to NEVER stop seducing her. Give her lots of attention in bed.
2007-01-14 21:10:53 · answer #9 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a baby and take care of it then you tell us how much sex you will be wanting to have after that.
Grow up and stop with the my wife doesnt want to have sex with him and Im gonna find a girl friend. What kind of husband are you.?
why dont you sit down with your wife and find out why she does not want to have sex, things may be getting hard fo her at home with the baby.
Is is possible that she is unhappy with things.?
2007-01-14 18:52:24 · answer #10 · answered by LadyCatherine 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋