I'm having some turmoil with a close friend of mine (dubbed Louis) that has been going on now for about a good month. The thing is, I can't stand his flamboyant tendencies when he's around the rest of my friends or his boyfriend (who he flaunts off like he's a diamond or something). My other friend (who is also a homosexual, dubbed Frank) is his ex-boyfriend, and Frank dumped Louis because he can't stand the way he wears lip gloss, talks like a total hood rat, and wears acrylic nails all the times, yet claims he's not transgendered. Should I get angry at how he irks me with his flamboyancy or am I being a "homophobic homo"?
2007-01-14 18:42:01 · 11 answers · asked by Lisa J 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Alright! REVISION
You don't understand people! Louis has been my friend since practically birth and I love him with all my heart. He has JUST started portraying this attitude since last August and the only reason he drives me nuts (as well as everyone else) is because he "pushes" it. Typical conversation:
Me: So, Louis you going to prom?
Louis: (all the while painting his toenails and stressing the caps) Nuh-UH baby tricks! I ain't EVEn got my hair done or NUTHIN! I'm saying I ont EVEn know whut I'm werin, ya know! BUT ya can't get at YA BOI what you see a cute sumthin other, get me?! Ooh...look at Chris Brown, he is so ALICIOUS it's makin my neck straight BOUNCE. Mnn-hum! Shake it baby!
Me: Alright. Yeah, I might go...
From dressing at Man Alive and Buckle at 17 and 18, to shopping at Hot Topic and Gladhands at 19 and 21. Damn if I should be irked.
2007-01-14 19:41:03 · update #1
Hard question.
...It doesn't seem like you have a problem with homosexuals as much as you just have a problem with Louis, so I wouldn't call you homophobic. If Louis is really a friend you don't want to lose, you might sit him down and have a chat with him about how some of his more outrageous behaviors are driving the people he cares about away from him. I mean certain things, like your language and flamboyancy are completely under your control - hood rat language and flamboyancy don't make a person a homo, they just make that person loud and obnoxious. Maybe if he can learn to control some of this behavior, you can maintain both your sanity and a friendship with him. If Louis isn't someone you're close enough to to work at the relationship, then I suggest you just move on. People change, and people grow apart. Its part of life. Then again, maybe Louis hasn't changed at all and is just going through a phase he's going to get over at some point.
Also if Louis says he's not transgendered, then he's very likely not. I suppose I'm being a little picky about terminology, but if he were transgendered, Louis would want to be a girl, and probably wouldn't deny that to two close friends who already know he's gay and are fine with that. Louis seems effeminate, pushing in the direction of being a cross-dresser, but definitely not trans. I doubt he'd deny that.
Anyway, good luck with your guy troubles. I hope you get it all worked out.
2007-01-14 19:49:04 · answer #1 · answered by Jordan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess anyone's personality can eventually get on your nerves, but you really have to understand he may actually have that personality and not be transgendered. Don't get angry at him before you know whether he is. I myself am not transgendered but I <3 make-up, nail polish, tight jeans, soft jackets, designer labels, absolutely love shopping, have a higher voice and the so-called gay "lisp", and basically act the overall girly gay guy routine, but I act it because it is how I am. I am happy when I act girly, I love how make-up and nail polish enhance features, and I really do enjoy shopping. As for the voice/lisp, that comes by itself without you noticing it. Needless to say, he could really be that personality inside and his boyfriend could bring it out (I don't even act my entire personality around most of my friends, only a select few). You aren't a homophobe, but realize that that may actually be his true personality and he may not just be acting that way.
2007-01-14 18:48:59 · answer #2 · answered by guitarherofairy 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are threatened subconciously by an effeminate gay man because you can not use your feminine charms to manipulate him in to controlling his emotional response. Are you scared of feeling less of a woman in Louis' presence? Does he upstage you? Take attention away from you, does he, sweetheart?
You may also be scared of being sexually attracted to a sissy boy because then you will suspect you might be a lesbian.
I really feel sorry for your gay friend. You are not really Louis' friend at all, are you?
2007-01-14 18:50:50 · answer #3 · answered by Ashley 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Either accept him the way he is or walk away from him. If you were truly his friend you wouldn't care about any of the petty stuff you wrote about. Ask yourself this question: What is there about me that might work on louis's last nerve, ever thought about that?
2007-01-14 19:17:52 · answer #4 · answered by ~Twisted Sister~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, don't be angry with him for just being himself. That's just plain silly.
So, he's just a flamboyant gay male. Maybe a little crossdressing in for color. But if he says he's not transgendered, then he's not!
Don't force him into a lable that doesn't fit him. He's just being himself and if you can't handle it, maybe its you who needs to do a little introspection.
I don't mean to sound harsh or insensitive, but come on, if he's annoying you, you really should ask yourself why.
2007-01-14 19:30:33 · answer #5 · answered by DEATH 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It just sounds like you find some of his characteristics annoying. That doesn't make you a homophobe.
2007-01-14 19:43:53 · answer #6 · answered by carora13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from what you are telling me..it seems that louis is not willing to put as much effort into the friendship as he should if he is to maintain it.
2007-01-14 20:51:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's who he is. Take him or leave him. Close friends accept close friends warts and all.
Maybe he's also having "turmoil" - about a supposed close friend of his who won't accept him for who he is?!?!
2007-01-14 18:57:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
nope, that would irritate me too. im not a homophobe, but i think there is a difference in being gay, and being "a fag". Please dont take that as derrogatory. i just simply mean, gay men, are gay. they like men, so what? but when i say fag, i mean, makeup, hair crap, nails, womens clothes.
you dont need to get angry about it, just tell them that it makes you uncomfortable when he does this stuff around you. tell him gently, just say something like, "i think you should be yourself when we hang out, theres no reason to do all these things..." something like that.
2007-01-14 18:48:24 · answer #9 · answered by Erin P 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
?? u confused me! sorry! but what i could tell, dont be mad, thats just the way some people are! LOL
2007-01-14 18:45:56 · answer #10 · answered by Rin_san44 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋