My husband & I have been married 10 years and have 2 kids. He has been addicted to meth/crack/pot for 7 years, he has lost two really good jobs, been to jail and has been verbally and physically abusive ex. strangling me a couple of times hitting and thrown knives at me. I have tried marriage counceling. He has had court ordered drug treatment, anger management, NA and AA. I have always been faithful and feel I have never done anything wrong. I kicked him out once for 6 months and I left him again for 7 months, Each time he seems to straighten up for a while and a few months later I find his dope again, He has shattered my dream of having the traditional family yet I have been dogged on by so many people for "giving up on him" I'm smart enough to know that this is unsafe for me and my kids but I can't believe there are people out their saying I'm horrible for not wanting to stick with him. Why would they say that? Doesn't anyone else believe that there are some deal breakers?
2007-01-14 17:35:56 · 32 answers · asked by Destiny 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think people say you should stay with because they are not in that Situation! I am sure that if they were they would leave to!
I think that any normal person would!
I believe that there are deal Breakers out there!
You have to get out for you and your children's safety
don't listen to what anyone else says go with your gut instinct always! because 9 ot of 10 times that will be the Right Choice
Experts say that crystal meth is one of the most addictive street drugs and one of the hardest to treat. Addiction counsellors say the relapse rate of 92 per cent is worse than cocaine.
The withdrawal symptoms, especially the depression and physical agony, are reported by addiction counsellors to be worse than heroin or cocaine, and often addicts will drop out of recovery programs.
This situation is worse in the United States than in Canada because patients in the U.S. usually have inadequate health insurance or none at all. Those American patients in managed care programs are often cut off before treatment is complete.
2007-01-14 18:58:23 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie I went through the same thing I watch the most wonderful man in the world turn into a monster. he went from 200 pounds to 120 pounds in a month. Meth is taking the country over and it seems like no one can do anything about it. You have stuck with this man for 7 years I think you have given him more than enough chance. You don't want you kids growing up thinking this is ok. Sure all kids need a daddy but not a meth head. They are crazy and its not your husband anymore its the drugs. You need to leave for your kids. What if you stayed and one night on his crazy rage he killed you do you know what that would do to your kids. You can do better than this man you can find someone that loves you and won't leave you mentally for drugs. I am sure your husband loves you your husband not the man that has taken him over. You have to let go and save your kids from a life of unsureness.Good luck
2007-01-14 17:48:47 · answer #2 · answered by corene D 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You have to weigh in all your options. Do you believe he will ever get better because, an addict he will always be whether actively using or not. Your love for him might be keeping him from wanting to get clean on his own. Some people have to lose everything before they decide enough is enough and then it is not for sure then. You are dealing with someone who suffers from a disease that can be fatal to him, or to you sooner or later. Don't listen to what other people are saying that you should stay with him. Ask them if they would like to be in your shoes and go through what you are going through. You owe it to those children to take a stand a live a normal life without feeling "unnecessary" pain. Do what's best for you and your children and don't worry about what others think and you just might save his life!
2007-01-14 18:06:30 · answer #3 · answered by saturn man 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being an ex meth & crack addict myself, I was going to say get out, get a restraining order, get him in treatment, etc. Look like all this has been done and you can do no more for him. If he want to change it's up to him, but I suggest it be without you around. Get out and do it now and don't let him back in. Make sure you get a restraining order and don't fall for his "I'll quit this time" stuff. If he does quit, better for him but you just need to get on with you're life, for both the kid's sake and your own.
2007-01-15 07:41:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Went through that 4 years ago. I got luckily. Our baby girl was born and that seemed to really snap him to reality. Unfortunately 4 years later he tells me that he is still addicted. No he doesn't use anymore but the desire is still there. It is a addiction for life. Some of his cousins use and have been for many years. There doesn't seem to be any hope for them. I had to follow my heart. Something in me told me to stay that there was something in him that was worth saving. I wish I could tell you to follow that same advice but since he has laid his hands on you in anger you must leave if not for your safety than for the kids. If they grow up seeing those kinds of things they will more than likely repeat it themselves or have someone do it to them. Don't worry about the other people they don't have to live in your situation. If they feel so sorry for him ask them if him can move in with them chances are they'll say no. Nobody wants to live with an addict.
2007-01-14 17:54:32 · answer #5 · answered by mindy m 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you have done everything it is possible for you to do. Please get out while you still alive to do so. If your husband truly valued you, he would have stayed clean after the two seperations you already tried. I know recovered meth users, and can tell you that it can be done if they want it badly enough - and apparently he doesn't.
Also, the continued exposure is bad for your children! If he has attacked you, he could attack them as well, and the next time somebody could die. Please don't take the risk. He has made his choice. You should get a restraining order too, just to protect yourself.
If it helps any, I have a very religious Catholic friend who went through something similar and in the end her priest told her he would not only approve her annullment, but recommended it.
Do not listen to those who accuse you of giving up. You are not giving up - your husband has. You are only being responsible for the welfare of your children to leave him (not to mention possibly saving your own life.) Please also find a support group for yourself and your children so you can try to lessen the damage this man has done to all of you.
You have my deepest sympathy, and my prayers.
2007-01-14 18:02:45 · answer #6 · answered by Plesso 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Freebird,
If you have somewhere to go leave your husband. But when you leave don't take him back until he truly changes and goes through rehab. He has to know that you are serious. But Freebird, he has to want to change. He has to believe that he has the problem and it is not your fault. Tweakers always blame there problems on everyone but them. It is something that only he can take care of. You can't change it for him. Right now I am raising my sister 4 children because of her addiction to Meth. I could not take it if her children had went into foster care. So I know what I am taking about. Get out and stay out until he gets the help he needs and truly changes. God Bless!
2007-01-15 19:09:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you kick him out this time say nicely "Don't let the door knob hit you where the Good Lord split you on you way out the door Sugar...BuhBye...! Change the locks and you phone number...Get a new circle of friends and Screw the People that are encouraging you to stay. Do what you know is right Luv..This is surely a DEAL BREAKER!
2007-01-14 18:49:42 · answer #8 · answered by Goodie66 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel vary bad for you and your kids. If your Husband is not willing to change and give up the drugs and get help then matters will only get worse !!! Plus he beats you, that's sooooooooooooooooooooo sad :O( You need to protect yourself and your children, it's not a safe environment. When he tried to strangle you should have left at that very moment. You need to notify the Police and get a restraing order for your protection. Those people that tell you that you and your kids should stay with him are not looking out for your well being. Please notify the police and go from there. PLEASE BE SAFE AND I"M SORRY YOU AND YOUR KIDS ARE GOING THROUGH THIS !!!
2007-01-14 17:53:10 · answer #9 · answered by Jason W 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You have given him chance after chance it sounds like. He won't change unless he really wants to and gets himself into a rehab program that works.
What needs to be considered now is what is best for you and your children. It sounds like you have already figured that out. Allowing your children to stay in harms way is a really big thing. Take courage, stand up and get on with it. Go to a safe house if needed.
Don't worry about what others think. By doing what's best for you and your kids will make you stronger. Get counseling for yourself, attend An-anon meetings.
Bless you and good luck!
2007-01-14 17:56:46 · answer #10 · answered by Cat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋