Is this marriage worth saving?

Question

My husband is a wonderful father, and I never have to wonder if he is out cheating. However, he has no ambition in life. Me, I want to pursue a master degree, and start my own business. He only has a highschool education and only cares about food, sex, and football. I refuse to have another baby with him because I feel insecure about him taking care of us financially? When the time comes for us to talk about our future he shuts downs and goes to sleep. Most of the time I am turned off from him, and have completely lost my sex drive.

Answer 1

it sounds to me like yous are moving in two different directions in life, you said you've tried talking to him. that leaves the alternative of counseling, if he won't do that, maybe yous need a separation for awhile. you say he's a wonderful father, and I'm sure you don't want to split up your family, but in the long run you have to think about your financial future, and your happiness in the long run. i hope for the sake of your marriage he does go to counseling with you. if he doesn't go by yourself and do what is right for you and your children. good luck!!

Answer 2

There is so much more to life than money! I understand that you might worry about having enough money but that is not reason to make your husband feel like less of a man. I can almost be sure that's why he shuts down when you talk to him. I am sure he thinks he is doing the best he can by you and your children and to have you say it isn't good enough for sure hurts him. You want to get a masters degree go for it is he stopping you from doing that just because he only has a high school education I'm sure he isn't. You knew this when you married him didn't you? Why all the sudden are you so upset about it? It sounds like to me you have a good man with a good heart and you should hang on for dear life. Its hard these days to find a man that's a good father and is faithful to his wife. Be proud of that and stop being so greedy about what the world has to offer. Money only makes things harder! Sure we all wish we had more but God will never put more on your plate then you can handle! Good luck

Answer 3

Your husband feels that you're nagging him. That's common - the wife comes up with ideas to help "us" as a couple and the husband feels it as his wife trying to be his mommy and boss him around and he deeply resents.it. That's probably why he's shutting down and going to sleep - he doesn't want to be bossed around or treated like a child and that's how he percieves what you're doing.

As far as the school thing, you two are different people. He probably hated school and was glad to have his diploma and be done with it. You on the other hand have academic ambitions.

Money wise, what does he do for a living?

If he's a UPS driver, longshoreman or a union electrician foreman, he might be making $ 100,000 a year or better with a high school diploma!

If he has a job like that, what does he need a college degree for - just to make you happy because you're into school and credentials?

That's YOUR thing, not his!

So you want to get an advanced degree and start a business - that's GREAT and I praise you for your ambition.

But that's YOUR ambition!

Maybe he's the kind of guy who's happy to make enough to pay the bills and put a couple of bucks away for a rainy day, so he can get home, watch some TV , enjoy a ballgame if it's Sunday or Monday Night and have sex with his wife.

And what's so wrong with that - we can't all be Donald Trump!

Here's an idea - accept your husband as he is and quit nagging him to be the man that you wish he was!!!!

You KNEW when you married him that he was a blue collar guy with a high school diploma!

But, like a lot of women you THOUGHT you could "change" him into the ambitious businessman you WISH he was!!

REALITY CHECK

You can't change a man - either accept him as the man he is, or go out there and find your Donald Trump-wannabe!!!

Answer 4

it sounds like your not interested in him so why are you still with him? you have a lucky guy even though he just has a h.s diploma and is at typical male sometimes money is not everything or having everything. don't get me wrong I understand what your saying. But I also think your being a little harsh give the guy a break maybe he is afraid to say what he wants out of life or maybe he is happy with you he is. and your not go most guys go out and cheat and do not like taking care of their kids you have that. start your own business what is stopping you? I am sure that he would be very supportive of you and he would prob help you out so much you have to give him a chance and stop pushing him away...and having another baby that is for the future to decide I wish you the best of luck

Answer 5

Nic

it sounds like you have the typical couch potato for a hubby ... if he is not interested in you getting what you want in the relationship then he has little to add to it and there basically is no relationship..... try to talk with him some more, then try counseling ....then get a good lawyer and move on if all else fails.... to stay in a marriage where you are left out of the equation is not a good deal .... why should you have to loose your sex drive, stay out of school and not prepare for the future of your family if he is not holding up his end for you which it sounds like he is not doing. Way too many men think that getting married is acting just like he is acting.... as a couch potato... give it your best for awhile longer then be prepared to get out and get on with the life you see yourself having ..... good luck... we are not all like that ...okay... some of us really want what is best for the woman in lives and work hard for that to happen.

Answer 6

As you pursue your studies and goals you may lose even more interest in him. Perhaps you are ill-matched on the intellectual and motivational levels already. I don't believe at some point that he will miraculously want to become an academic and work his tushy off.

Some people are wonderful bc of their laid-back attitudes...BUT...if you get frustrated with a lack of communication since you aren't sharing on an equal intellectual level - then that's where I see the problems coming in. This is why you often hear that relationships are just outgrown.

As you gain more progress, you may eventually leave him and don't be surprised if this is the way it goes. Don't feel guilty, after all he deserves to be with someone who more closely matches his personality needs as well. A healthy arrangement can be worked out in the event of an amicable divorce.

Answer 7

Sounds like my friend's life with his ex. He was more enthusiastic about life and want to achieve more and be more organized and plan about the future. On the other hand, his wife was exactly opposite. They barely have sex. Maybe once a month if that. This is just 2 years into marriage. They dated for 4 years before marriage. Ultimately there was so many problems and issues, they separated and now being divorced. Thankfully no kids.

Get some counselling and see if things change. If not, find someone more compatible.

Answer 8

Nothing sounds irreversible in this scenario- but you would need to go get therapy from a psychologist as a couple. And he would need to be interested in working with you.

Try to save it- because you'll have the rest of your life to be divorced, but you can only save it now.

Answer 9

If I was you, i'd be going out with friends or keep going with the masters dgree then you be the boss. Keep gooing. Umm as for the sex side of things umm..be a little spontaneous. If you feel you're forcing yourself then get help if that don't work then you may have to go elsewhere. But hopfully it won't come to that. Good luck

Answer 10

It seems to me that there are problems within the marriage for one you seem to be looking down on your husband. I think the best thing for the both of you is try counceling before just ending your marriage.