I am in love with a man who has just separated with his wife, how do I make him realise I love him?

Question

The man I love is 16 years older than me - we met at work. He has a wife and 2 beautiful daughters (both under 4) - his wife recently kicked him out because of a lot of reasons. He says he doesn't know what he wants. He knows he wants to see his kids all the time and he is an amazing father. He says he hates his wife but at the same time they were together for such a long time and those feelings just don't go away. He thinks about me a lot and he feels comfortable bringing the kids over to see me. The wife does not know I exist (if she did she would take him for everything). I want him to be with me but I understand it is a very hard situation for him at the moment. How do I tell him I love him? I want him to realise that he is lucky to have me in his life. I would do anything for him and I am willing to become a stepmother to his kids. It is really getting me down and I am on antidepressents.

We have been "seeing each other" for the past 4 months now - forgot to mention in initial question

They have not slept in the same room as each other for over a year. I know all the reasons she kicked him out and they are not good but he told me the truth and I respect that and trust that. He also told me that he would get jealous if I started seeing someone else - he has also been on anti depressents since well before they split. They split in November. He lives in the next door neighbours house

Answer 1

Hi there. The most important thing at the moment is that you keep your feelings in check. This man is going through enough without any added issues to deal with. You do not want him to fall in with you on the rebound, that is a recipe for disaster; and then you could end up getting hurt aswell. You need to start off being his friend. Actions speak louder than words as they say! Start off by just being there for him. Help him as much as you can, and give him all of the support that you think he needs. If you can be very strong and see him through this break up, and do all you can to make it as pain free as possible; then I think you will find that every thing between you and him will naturally progress. If you let everything fall into place gradually, and he starts to be able to think a bit clearer, and he begins to get his life and his emotions sorted out; then he will realise what you have done for him and how good you have been to him. If you put added pressure on him by declaring your undying love, it may make him feel under more pressure, and the strain would be too much. It is far too soon to be getting too involved with him when he has got more than enough to handle at this moment in time.
Think about it, this could actually be quite romantic! You both could look back on all of this and remember when he was going through alot of stress, and you were the one to help him through, and look after him. Give him time to grieve, to get used to his new life away from his ex. Let him sort out about how and when he is going to be able to see his daughters, where he is going to live, and how is going to sort out his financial situation. Once he has found some semblance of order in his new way of life, only then will he have the ability to take on the idea of having a relationship with you. Please give him time. I wish you all the best! :o) x

Answer 2

Are you the reason he was kicked out I no you said the wife don't no about you,but you making this man think he is so wonderful.His wife didn't stand a chance when you walk into his life.So he hates his wife and you believe him and he thinks of you a lot.You are just a new play thing for him right now and when he gets tired of you or if his wife lets him come back home he will drop you so fast you won't no what happened.It happens all the time but you women still believe what ever a married man tells you.And make no mistake here he is still married to her and he will run back to her When he does go back with his wife he will tell you it is because of the kids but I no and in your heart you'll no to.A broken heart is coming your way watch and see.( ADD ON) So you are the reason she kick him out .He cheated on her before didn't he.And you want this man .You are a desperate woman I still say he will go back if she lets him.

Answer 3

Other than this man is 16 years older than you, your story is alot like mine was. Please learn from my mistakes. The man I was involved with also told me he hated his wife and the only reason he was with her was their daughter.He was always telling me that they were getting divorced. He told me that his wife could not know about us because she would make it hard for him to see his daughter and that was the only reason. Do yourself a huge favor and get out now. For your own well being you need to not see him anymore. You are fighting your gut instincts and that is why you are on anti-depressants! I am telling you that you are in a world of hurts if you continue on this path of destruction. For 2 years I went thru hell and didn't follow my gut instincts and probably aged 10 years in the process. In the end I got the short end of the stick. He went back to his wife and the 3 of them are together. Back off and let time determine what is to be. I guarantee you that if you continue this while he is trying to figure out what he wants, you are going to be one very unhappy person.

Answer 4

First of all if you have been seeing him for four months why
is it so hard to tell him you love him? You cannot be that
close. He is still getting over the break up of his marriage
so why do you want to be walking in his wifes shadow?
He has two children so will always be connected with his
wife. The chances are he will go back to his wife. He will
then come of his anti-depressants and for them things could
just be fine - as long as there is no one waiting in the wings
ready to take him away. You sound very young and I think you
need to get on with your life. Give it time. For you to be on anti-depressants too is so sad.

Answer 5

Are you willing to catch a man who's on the rebound?

Why can't you just take it easy and wait to see if he wants to be with you. Push him now, and it could be the biggest mistake you will ever make.

His wife kicked him out because of a lot of reasons? Sounds like he isn't the biggest prize. You might want to take another look to see why she'd do that. Maybe you won't want him, either, in the end.

Answer 6

I think you should slow down a bit, take some time he has to figure out what he wants, his kids are so young and he probably still loves his wife, like you said those feelings just don't go away, I say take things slow for a while.

Answer 7

You can't I have been with this guy for 6 years and he just know is begining to trust me not accuse me of (x-wife) things and so if you are willing to go threw all that and you think he is worth it prepare to give him alot of your time and posibly lose your self like me I mean was it worth it now yes but I gave up alot to prove my love to someone who was not ready. You might just be better off being a friend date around and see if he come after you eventualy. You don't want to be rebound girl do you.

Answer 8

Sorry but you should use your common sense here.. just walk away and have nothing to do with this man.. it will save you an awful lot of heart ache in the long run..

Answer 9

I think its kind of selfish to say that he's lucky to have you in his life, maybe your lucky to have him in your life. But anyway I think you should sit down and talk and see what direction he wants to take with his wife, before you spill the beans. He might be telling you he hates her and his heart might say something else, if he dont want to be with her then tell him how you feel

Answer 10

First of all you should not be involved with a married man.

Let him be in his problems. I bet if you were not in the picture things would be fine in his marriage. he still goes home ot her,. And you know nothing of the sleeping arrangements. Only what he is telling you.