Marriage crisis please help!!! Are we in trouble?

Question

Here is the scoop.

My hubby and I have been married for 8 years and been together 9 years.
We have 3 Kids(one that is not his and 2 that is.)
We are seperated (not by choice) We had a housefire in November 2006 and I ended up buying a house out of state.
We dont see each other but one or twice a month( not our choice either)
We have not had sex since october and frankly I could care less sometimes. and he is diabetic so his sex drive is low already.
We have financal problems since the fire.
My husband and my sister dont get along(they are ok together they just dont see eye to eye and they are both strongheaded)
It used to hurt me when he left to go back to new orleans but now its like hey can I pack your bags( i really dont tell him that).
My sex drive has gotten lower since all this has happened(and trust me I was the one to initiate it.)
The reason he dontcome to Texas as much is Financally we cant afford it and he cant give up his job ( a great job that cant transfer)..

he is not cheating on me I trust him but I feel we are drifting apart. Please advise. I could use some wise wisdom for some married couples right now!!! thank you

I bought a house in Texas because it was available close to my mother and frankly everything in new orleans and surrounding areas are WAY to expensive right now after katrina. We took the money we had and bought this house and land for 18,000 dollars and it is paid off. he is looking for a decent job that will support his family over here( i am currently seeking employment as well. I known we need a counsler and i want to make this work but it cost and we dont have a church home yet.

Answer 1

First of all, let me say that I am so sorry you are going through this right now, especially after all the other things that have seem to go on in your lives. Now that being said, it is SOOOOO hard to have a strong marriage with that kind of distance and struggle. You need to find a way to spend time together. Have you talked to him about this? Is he feeling the same way? Maybe your lack of interest is more self defense because this has been so hard on you. Good Luck...

Answer 2

Do you still love him?

You two have stopped sharing your lives together. It is no wonder you have drifted apart. But, it is never too late to get back together. Time spent together is the ultimate ingredient.

Since you live out of state from each other, some sacrifices will have to be made if you want to get together again. You say financially you can't afford it, but you can afford to lose your marriage? Having a cheaper house, cheaper car, and rearranging your priorities may be required in order to provide the right environment for you two to be in love again.

If you stay on your present course, you will just continue to drift apart. Only you can decide if the relationship is worth the sacrifice.

Answer 3

Your situation is not an easy one. I believe a marriage cannot last without spending time with each other. The two of you need to sit down (preferably face to face) and decide what you both want. If you want to be with each other then you need to sell your house or he needs to find a job where you live. It might not be easy, but that's what saving your marriage will take. You may discover that neither of you wants to or is willing to make that sacrifice, and I'd say that's a good sign to draw up the papers. Be honest with yourself and your husband.

Answer 4

Maybe you could tell him that you need to spend some quality time with him because you're afraid you're growing apart from the distance. And try to think in what way your husband used to show you that he loved you, like doing stuff for you, or hugging and kissing you all the time, or did he say a lot of loving words, poetry, or if he was always taking you out somewhere...whatever way he showed love to you is the way that he believes love is communicated, and if you do the things he did then, to him, you would be telling him in the loudest voice possible that you love him. He'll hear you. And if there's love left between you, you can build it up again by loving in the way that your spouse shows love. Then tell him the things that tell you that he loves you the loudest. See if he doesn't respond...good luck!

Answer 5

It like this both of you guys is stress out that is the reason why you feeling the way you do! I am also a diabetic when we are going thou all lot our sugar level raise up also our blood pressure go up also I there is time we just don't feel good and we may say something we really don't mean ,we feel like people don't understand us by we being diabetic it is so hard being a diabetic !so I do know that both of you need a little time together, your guy need to remember the reason why you guy is in love also making love is not important in your marriage! marriage is base on more then that! it about each other heart! we taking care each other,And I will say this it was wrong what you said about him have you ever thought that may bugg him that he can not do the thing he use to do to his wife! how I know my husband is a diabetic! so please really rethink about how you say thing! you guy need to talk ASP

Answer 6

Time to put your foot down. NO friendship with a woman who your husband clearly has had feelings for. You have enough grief. Tell him if he's serious about trying to make this work, that the marriage is more important than the "we're just friends" friendship. Whether you go on any longer is your decision, but you need to stand up for yourself, too! Good luck and God bless.

Answer 7

As things stand, it sure doesn't sound like much of a marriage. If you BOTH want to save it, you can. Start by selling the out-of-state house and moving back to where your husband's job is located. Then go to a marriage counselor together.

It you don't want to save it - well, get divorced and move on. One way or another, you both deserve to find happiness.

Answer 8

Take this opportunity to draw closer to one another by talking together on the telephone or better still writing to one another. Most of us are most honest when we are not taking face to face. It will help both of you to drop your defenses and get down to how you really feel about each other. Start by sending him a goofy card and see if his response is light hearted or serious, or not at all. You didn't ask but whatever you do "think of your kids before you invite guys to draw near."

Answer 9

why did you buy a house in another state? if this is bothering you so much, sell the house and find one closer to new orleans. it's your marriage. what's more important being closer to each other or rarely seeing each other? talk to him and tell him how you feel. you might be surprised, he may feel the same way. you won't know unless you honestly communicate with each other.

Answer 10

Believe me...you ARE seperated by choice,
all those things you mention are excuses, none are reasons
If you loved him, you would be where he is...
it might be too late already, if you are serious about saving your marriage you need to get to a counselor NOW