Fed up with my daily 'life.' How do I figure things out on my own since no one is willing to teach me?

Question

I've been struggling with how to learn things -- every single day -- How do I do this? How does this work? I don't understand? This doesn't make any sense to me even after it was explained. I'm fed up!!! My life has become nothing more than a joke and most people feel I'm not even trying. How does one prove trying, when one doesn't understand what to do, what to try? The end result is ... if one doesn't try, there clearly isn't any stress attached to it ... and if one struggles and still has absolutely no idea about it, ends up frustrated and totally pi**ed because there isn't one stran of evidence of any effort. I cannot think of one single day I haven't asked someone to explain or just flat out do for me because I'm not getting it. I'm on meds. because they'd rather I just didn't bother and be fine without anything accomplished. The little things I don't get they'd say I'm making too big a deal out of. I say, "Don't take for granted what you can do without any help!"

Most of the time when I ask, they turn their backs on me, because they simply don't want to be bothered. They don't want me to interfer with their lives that would make them slow down a bit just so I can at least get started.

That's my whole point. I spend hours avoiding asking anyone for help. I ask every single day after struggling through out the day. Way too many people assume - as you have, Traveler - that I'm not even trying to figure it out. It's sadly a typical response. Perfect example: in my question for help, I added that I'm trying, but don't understand, so it looks like I haven't done anything. I don't wake up and ask "How does this work. I don't understand." I struggle and then when I cannot get myself, then I'll ask.

It doesn't matter what I'm trying to learn. Too many of you are sayingEXACTLY what I describe happens to me; thinking I'm not even trying. I read books on how-to's, which make no sense to me at all, people say things in such ways, I don't know what they're talking about. I cannot read a map, fill out forms and especially fail at directions/instructions. I read plenty, but it's so confusing, I don't know what efforts to me.

Everyone I've ever known are so smart that they cannot understand why I'm struggling. It must be nice to get things on the first hit! Give thanks you have that and not assume everyone gets it, if not once, but at least twice.

el_cid_el... I am totally aware of that. That's not even what I'm talking about.
I barely can understand the computer; emails and asking questions here are all I know about.

I know my skills, but the typical, everyday events are my struggles. If I just focus more on my skills, it'll would be just like being in school again. "Don't focus on learning anything, just keep doing what you already know over and over and over and over. I'm sitting on the sidelines while the rest of the world is swimming by, effortlessly, and don't want to be of help and assume I can do it on my own. I make repeated efforts with no results, but a headache. You want me to sit in the 3rd grade because I'm frustrated with the 4th. Why is it a problem that I ask for a little direction and be on my way? Why should I just sit and do the same old thing. I've mastered that, but I'm not learning the things in life I should know.

Should I have crawled my whole life and not learn how to walk?

I don't want to ask for help; I hate it. But all that's left for me is to either ask or sit here and do nothing. That's what I'm stuck with! I can't put it any clearer than that.

I don't want to ask for help; I hate it. But all that's left for me is to either ask or sit here and do nothing. That's what I'm stuck with! I can't put it any clearer than that. I know everyone learns differently, I know I should seek help, I've asked my doctor for any further help and they say we can't help you." I don't know how to research. I don't know where to look for help. You're all telling what I already know, but not how to look for help. Not to whom, but how. I'm obviously not getting through to anyone (no surprise here). If I wanted to visit a relative in another state, I know to take a plane, but to make reservations and how to follow directions or a map, I have no clue on how to do that. I don't know how to give up; I'm too stubborn for that, yet I'm clearly wasting my time asking. I wish I knew how to comprehend and to figure things out if I only knew how!!!!!

I'm totally am aware of all everyone has mentioned. I appreciate that, yes, I can learn, if I'm taught how to. I'm completely conifdent that I can achieve, only I'm turned away. My former college councellor told me I was academically empaired. I even had to have my brother tell me what classes I should take, where to find the list of classes, how to fill out a student sign-up, then he had to show me to my first classroom. Every day I'd come out of class and walk all the way around the building to find my next class, which took the whole season (whatever it's called) to learn it was just three doors down the hall. To simplify that, I could've been able to figure that out on my own, if only I knew how. I couldn't figure out grids until I was 38. TV Guide was too difficult to understand. I knew I could learn it, but not on my own. I spend hours a day, trying to 'figure things out,' but I just cannot do it alone. I even have trouble giving into my prob. It's a reception disorder.

Answer 1

Sometimes you just have to figure it out for yourself. I know becasue I used to be the same as you. Now I just ask every third time, and try to work it out for myself. I was on meds to, but found they only centred me, not fixed me. It was hard, took over 10 years to understand myself and why I couldn't work things out, and still am not all the way there. Maybe you have questions that no one can answer, or that they don't know how to answer.

You can answer most of your own questions, just may take a while - instead of an immediate response.

Good luck, and above all, never stop questioning

Answer 2

Ok, wow. I think I need a drink after getting through all that. Let's take one together shall we? Ahhh, that's better. Now, here's what I suggest. I suggest immediate, IMMEDIATE Marital Therapy. I also suggest both of you seek out local AA meetings in your area and Sexaholics (don't know the correct term) meetings. You both have serious drinking, drug and sexual addictions that need to be dealt with before one or both of you wind up dead. You drink and smoke to get away from her sexual past but you have one that is just as colored (if not more so) than hers. Yes, it is a double standard that you had sex during the time frame she did with other people and it's OK for you to have done so, but not OK for her to have. This will not 'pass'. This isn't a bowel movement. It's not here for now and gone tomorrow. This is a serious issue that you are harboring inside. Jealousy can drive a man out of his mind and you are showing signs of being driven far, far away. You want her to drink with you so you can feel less guilty for having alcoholic tendencies. If someone drinks with you then it's all good, right? Wrong? You need to seek out help right away. Otherwise by the time you're 34 you'll be divorced, depressed and drunk. Possibly high as well. Any future relationships you have will end badly because you have unresolved issues from this one. I would predict at least 4 divorces by the time you are 60 and you will still be divorced, depressed and drunk. Possibly high as well. See a pattern here? Get help now. Don't hesitate. If she doesn't get help with you then leave her. You can fix you but you can't fix her if she's not willing to try. If you get proper help by the time you're 60 you just might be Married, Happy and Sober. Good luck towards that path. I hope you enjoyed that sip we had at the beginning of this conversation. Let's make it your last.

Answer 3

I can't completely answer your question but the simple fact that people seem to overlook is that everyone learns in a different way. Some people do their best with a text book others couldn't remember one page to the next and learn and remember best in the action of doing something.It's hard to give you more not knowing how old you are. If this is a problem with school you could seek the help of a councellor ..... I wish I could help you more .... believe in yourself Heyjay and don't give up ... you can do it!!!

Answer 4

Help for Children With Learning Disabilities:
- Living With a Learning Disability
- "Sit Still and Pay Attention!"
- Meeting the Challenge
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/1997/2/22/article_01.htm

How to Find Real Happiness
- Think of Your Spiritual Needs
- Keep Your Life Simple
- Happiness and Self-Worth
- Hope--Vital to Happiness
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2001/3/1/article_02.htm

Hope--Where Can You Find It? :
- Does Hope Really Make a Difference?
- Why Do We Need Hope?
- You CAN Fight Pessimism
- Where Can You Find REAL Hope?
http://watchtower.org/e/20040422/article_01.htm

I suggest that you do a bit of research to find out what the source of your learning problems are. Here are some places to begin. If you think they sound like they're describing you, email them for suggestions. They are very caring eople, & know about what you're going through. There truly are many others 'in your shoes'!

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fetal_Alcohol_Spectrum_Disorder

Primary And Secondary Greatness - by Teresa Kellerman
http://www.arium.org/anthology/tkellerman/tkpasg.html

Cognitive Disabilities : Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
http://www.irsc.org:8080/irsc/irscmain.nsf/sub?readform&cat=Cognitive+Disabilities&subcat=Fetal+Alcohol+Syndrome&type=Web+Pages

If you'd like to read my favorite articles by Miss Kellerman, email me. A few more details as to your age & the situation in school might be helpful to me, in picking which articles might help you most.

PS: Alcohol is Not the only possible cause of such problems. It is the cause chosen by some to try to eradicate, to the exclusion of the others ... :(

PS#2: if you cannot understand what the articles say, ask a parent /s or a school counselor to read it & discuss what it's saying with you. If you do understand it, you may still want to share it with them!

What Is Your Life Worth? :
- Life--Precious or Cheap?
- How Precious Is YOUR Life?
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2005/2/1/article_02.htm

Help Your Children to Thrive
~ Harsh Words--Crushed Spirits
~ Parents Under Pressure
~ Help Your Children to Thrive
http://watchtower.org/library/g/1997/8/8/article_01.htm
(This ^ is another one you may wish to share with your folks, or in trying to explain to someone else you might ask for help.)

Answer 5

OK, first of all meds are usually there to help you too. I can empathize with you, but clearly you know how to use your computer, etc., so you aren't completely stupid or unskilled. In fact, your post shows a lot of determination, concentration, and cogitation (thinking). What you need to do first of all is concentrate on what you are able to do and realize how much you do without help from anyone. It may not seem like much at first, but just sit down and think about it. Maybe sit down and write down a list (on paper). Really think hard about it. DOing this should restore your confidence in yourself and renew your sense of human value and worth. Remember, we are all unique and wonderful in our differences. I'm not you, you're not me and so we think, act and "get stuff" differently. THink on how much you CAN do and how much people underestimate your ability. If you realize your own self-worth, the put downs of others should start to bother you less and less.

Answer 6

This is as vague an inquiry as I've ever seen. Help you with what? There are a myriad of things I can understand your frustration with if no one is willing to take the time to show you or listen ... on the other hand there are a myriad of things that are common sense to figure out and folks are going to be unwilling to "caretake" you.

So you need to supply some specifics of what you are talking about as far as I am concerned.

Answer 7

Your Spelling is almost perfect! So I do not believe you cannot learn, and it does sound as if you want to! If you speak to your Doctor they may reduce the "Med's" so you can function more freely! I am not really sure of the situation you are in, but you are obviously not very happy! Talk to your Doctor if you can and if not, seek another! Do not give up! God bless and good luck!

Answer 8

Hey you wrote a nice long story about yourself, think of all the people who are mentally challenged and have hearing or sight problems on top of it.There are lots of bad cases out there. Cheer up you write on your comp. you see and hear and talk. So what if you are a bit slower then someone else. meds sometimes can make you tired and depressed.talk to your teachers or parents about how you feel.Talk it out keeping all those negative emotions about yourself inside can hurt you even more so talk it over with someone

Answer 9

Sounds like your friends or who ever your asking isn't very nice. You should go back to your Dr. & ask him to change your medicine cause it's not working for you. I know people who have had the same problem as you are having & they had to change their med. a couple of times till they got it right. Good Luck!

Answer 10

Why don't you go and talk with your church elder, minister or priest, or even with your doctor. I'm sure they would all try to help you, or if they couldn't, they would know where to send you to get the help you are seeking. Even though I don't know you, I am proud that you are trying to get the help that you need. Good Luck and God Bless.