my good 'friend' was a victim of rape 6 years ago. she wants to know if its normal for her to think about it constantly, and what she should do if she has been in a severe downward spiral ever since it happened. she has been to many therapists about it, but has never told the authorities because she just can't. it involved no sexual element except for the fact that a fuller-brush hairbrush was forced into her. it was more of an act of temper, and it only happened to her by this person. what can she do to help herself get over this?
2007-01-14 16:02:59 · 10 answers · asked by Andria 2 in Health ➔ Women's Health
Andria,
It is absolutely normal for your friend to be thinking about this constantly. As a victim of rape myself, I have been haunted by it for the last 8 years and although I have healed quite a bit, it's one of those things that you can't possibly forget about. Regardless of how many times it happened, who did it, or what the other circumstances are, it is a traumatic, life-changing event. I understand why your friend never told the authorities. I never did, because I was extremely embarrassed and I felt as if it were somehow my fault.
Realizing that it was in no way my fault was the most major step I had to take towards healing. I was able to do this through a lot of serious soul searching combined with the help of a loving partner and (I never thought I would say this, but...) group therapy sessions. I have personally found group therapy sessions to be more effective than one on one with a therapist even though at first it was very scary. There are very clear benefits to attending group therapy, the most notable being you come to realize that you're not the only one who feels frightened, guilty and embarrassed about it. While everyone's circumstances will be very different, you're all essentially going through the same healing process and you are instantly connected to a group of women looking to support each other.
You are playing a huge part in your friend's healing process by being there for her. Encourage her to take the big steps that she needs to, no matter how frightening. Reassure her by telling her that you will be at her side, even if it means attending the group sessions together.
Research the support groups that are located in her area. While therapists might be great for everyday issues, it sounds like she needs to find a network of support that is designed specifically for her kind of recovery.
Keep being a great friend, and good luck!
2007-01-14 16:23:30 · answer #1 · answered by SVandS 2 · 6⤊ 1⤋
If this has been a serious issue for six years, it is a Serious Issue. She needs to speak to a psychologist and get over this. Whether she was penetrated with a foreign object or a penis doesn't matter. Even if it was a completely non-sexual attack (which this wasn't) she could still have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
I respect your friend's decision not to act on this legally, but she needs to recognize that whoever this was is likely to have another temper tantrum again some day, and someone is likely to suffer for it. A therapist is legally obligated to go to the authorities about ongoing abuse, but is likely not obligated to report a rape that happened six years ago. If this is what keeps her from discussing it with a psychologist, tell her to ask a psychologist what their legal obligations for such a disclosure would be.
No one experience should define a person, and certainly not an experience that made them feel miserable and helpless. And when it is something that she thinks about constantly six years later, it is defining her.
2007-01-14 16:15:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know that this sounds harsh, but she has to learn to move past it. If she allows herself to be stuck in that downward spiral, things will only get worse. She has to make the decision that this terrible event will not continue to control her life. No therapist or counselor will be able to help her unless she's ready to take the control back. That's the thing about rape -- its all about taking control away. Sometimes, its easy to fall into the mindset that if your control regarding your own body has been taken away, that you should give up control regarding everything else. When you give up the rest of that control, that's when things spiral dangerously.
Its not something that she will ever forget, and she'll never get to the point where she never thinks about it. But it is possible to move on and live a normal life. I don't have alot of details here but tell your friend if she ever needs to talk to someone she can email me or IM me.
2007-01-14 16:14:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was raped 14 years ago and think about it from time to time. It used to be more frequently. It can help to talk to other victims of rape or volunteer at a clinic for rape victims, it may help her see she's not alone and talk to someone besides a therapist.
She could try www.rainn.org. It's a website/foundation for victims of rape or incest.
She needs to know she's not alone. I went to the authorities, but didn't have the strength to go to trial. I probably should have, but couldn't.
I will keep her in my prayers.
2007-01-14 17:40:53 · answer #4 · answered by Bridget C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have three or four close friends who where raped and it is not easy at all. The best thing one of them told me is that they had to trust little by little after it happened - still other destroy themselves. There is hope. Work day by day at it, dont look at the huge "downward spiral" - see the small things. Talking to other victuims is one thing I heard is most helpful - look for support groups because unfornunately the victium of rape are many. Talk to you faith leader, rape hotlne, anything to change the path she is on. If they have a significant other make sure to talk to them - that person will back them up and help them get through it. 6 yrs is too long,
2007-01-14 16:13:36 · answer #5 · answered by STL 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
six years is a long time to still be thinking about it constantly. sure you will think about it for the rest of your life. she obviously has'nt had any closure. has she told a therapist that she constantly thinks about it? moving on is hard. maybe confronting the person by mail, in person, on the phone whatever she feels comfortable with and telling them what you think about them. she may not have gone to the police and nobody knows but that person will pay for doing that to her. mabye telling that to the person would help. prayer will also help.
2007-01-14 16:15:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It varies from person to person i have doubt that ther person u discussed about has a feeling of not forgiving to the person who did it...it means she needs revenge that will only satisfy her and for that she should go to authorities....otherwise she needs a real loving partner who could boost her back.....meeting and talking other victims is also good for her....May God give her calm.
2007-01-14 16:53:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This just opened up another wound. I was raped 3 years ago. And I still haven't gotten over it. I felt robbed of my virginity and innocence and I feel like I can never stop thinking about it.
2007-01-14 16:27:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a good poem. the first poem I revealed grow to be for a sufferer of kid abuse. there's a favor for someone who's customary with that the discomfort reaches deep interior of, notwithstanding the victims are unable to enable that discomfort out except there is an outlet to let them to launch the interior demons. thanks on your poem.
2016-10-31 03:19:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she told the authorities if probably would help her get over it. I'm surprised that a therapists couldn't help her.
2007-01-14 16:10:13 · answer #10 · answered by Barbra 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋