Need Poem Help?

Question

Does this poem make sense to you? If you don't like it why, I need constructive criticism. THe assignment was it couldn't rhyme..

LIFE.
So hard to define.
So hard to cope with.
So many of us take one breath after another...
Yet are dead inside.
So many are hiding in the shadows waiting to be discovered.
But is living hoping for change?
Or is living having that courage to demand it.
To walk into the luminesce and be recognized.
To be ostracized by many and accepted by some...
To have the courage to be rejected,
And still stand on your own two feet?

How do you live when you’re afraid of dying?
Afraid of risk, afraid of change, afraid of anything and everyone?
How do you live when you have no voice?
No volume to project a view, to make a crucial declaration.
How do you live when you relinquish your power
And willingly become some one else’s stepping stone.
What does it take to make a nobody somebody?
What must you do to prove your worth?
What must you do to LIVE

and it had to be in they style of Walt Whitman. I really tried, but it hard to write and poem that actually means something (that makes sense) and it follows these requirements. The rhyimg part was REALLY hard lol, but I just really need some feedback on it. Does it make sense to you? If it doesn't tell me what part was confusing. Your input is much appreciated.

Answer 1

In this particular poem the theme seems to be questioning the meaning of life. I both liked and and appreciate this poem. It neither bored nor confused me and it was thought-provoking. It would make a good poem for a group like a Bible study or such
What makes it unusual is that the reader has to answer what they know is already true-that we all live now for some purpose only to die later and is there a question that needs to be answered before we die?

Answer 2

Hey, don't know Whitman and don't want to take the time to research him but this is what I would suggest.

The first part, defining life is a little weak. I'd suggest using fear as an emotion to explain the coping and the deadness. The second part, the enlightenment, can it be made into it's own verse so you have room to beef up the first part?

The third part maybe,..
Can you live when you're afraid of dying?

And "What does it take to make a nobody somebody?" try to make this directed to the reader. You've shown us the pond, and the fishing rodand lure, and you pulled us in at the end but where was the bait going into our mouths?

Also good words would be mute, nonexsistance, denial, self-induced.

Hope this give you something to chew on. Good luck -you've got something good there as it is.

Answer 3

the poem is..catchy, very interesting and the questions are kind of grown.. But there are too many questions and no answer on any one...that's what troubles me...maybe you can try to make ti answering the question with question if you like it this way, but if you can't that's OK too...I really like it. And there is no need of any rhyme as long as it sounds good and make sense...your poem takes the interest from how is it written to what is it written. No one will care for rhymes

Answer 4

For me a poem has to have rhythm. It does not always ought to rhyme nevertheless it demands to hit my feelings. I believe readability of expression is essential as good. I do not love to moment wager what I'm studying approximately. I regularly seem for what I time period "poetic gemstones"within the textual content.

Answer 5

This is a great poem, full of symbolic meanings and depth. Good job. It makes perfect sense.

Answer 6

i think it is great it makes since and it is hard to wright a poem i do it every day thought but yours is better than all my put together.

Answer 7

actually..I really liked it...I dont really think I would change anything...Good job...*pat on the back*...made perfect sense

Answer 8

Very nice! I really like it!

Answer 9

Its great!
Only it doesn't rhyme one bit.