I am unwed and 33 weeks pregnant, Although I was on birth control and I was taking it properly, I ended up pregnant. But I have noticed so many couples having children before marriage. Do they plan it this way? Just curious. Or is it more of an accident, or irresponsiblity. I dont see anything wrong with it, I just see almost a trend...for lack of a better term.
2007-01-14 15:52:08 · 31 answers · asked by natalie rose 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Oh of course the father is around (in my case) he is a wonderful man and very loving we have been dating for 2 years. I just dont want to get married for the plain reason that I am now pregnant, our time will come for marriage, just not anytime too soon.
2007-01-14 15:59:06 · update #1
There is one sure way of not getting pregnant.
2007-01-14 15:55:49 · answer #1 · answered by Bates Water Gardens 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
This is a hard question to answer for fear of judgement.
I am 23 and got pregnant with my first at 18, delivered at 19. I never wanted children but birth control pills are not effective for me, learned my lesson and finally the truth after baby number three.
I dont see it as a trend all that much, I see a lot of my friends have them just because they want one, I am married, and have been with my boyfriend for 8 years before getting married last year and we have 3 children, one of them has Downs syndrome so I wouldnt say its trendy myself, I continued to complete my family I figured just go for it and get it done while Im young so that by the time they are older I will still have my youth.. Now it didnt start that way I didnt want to have any children at all until I was in my mid to late 30's I figured.
You dont have to be married to have children, that is one thing I hate to hear, honestly, I am judged everyday for having three kids, and now even more so because of my daughters downs syndrome, Im blamed for beinng young and automatically said to have done drugs which defected my child. Thats not the case I have never done any drugs while pregnant but just because Im young people think thats what all young people do.
okay I babbled
I think a lot of couples may plan to have the children without marriage, from what I heard, marriage can ruin things before a baby comes and then creates a broken home for the child, This is not my opinion this is what a few friends have said to me. All my friends have children and are single or in a on off relationship and they love it they can still be young and free and have their family.
2007-01-14 16:04:48 · answer #2 · answered by BrunettesRbetter 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is a little late for everything being romantic. I have been with my husband a total of 16 months from the day we met. We talked about marriage and the future around the first month... I was 45, he was 47. We did not talk about babies, but my girls and his girls between the ages of 16 and 23 all living with us. What I treasure is the love we have and some special moments... like when he held me when my dad died. The proposal was an accidental joke... he had said his birthday was going to be bad because of a memory and I said we could change all that... we went forward from that and then got married on his birthday... after we got the ring he did make a formal proposal, but that was after all was planned. Nothing for us was normal, I am glad because now I laugh over the crazy way things happened... like a first birthday for a daughter and she turns 21! You can make any time special, it is just how you look at it.
2016-05-24 03:46:52 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some peoople plan on their children but a lot of them don't. This even happens with married couples. Both of my daughters were unplanned. I was on two different types of birth control with each of them and still got pregnant. Their father and I weren't married at the time either of our daughters were concieved. We're married now and actually planning on baby number three.I also think that having children out of wedlock is becoming more of a trend. society is a lot more accepting of unwed mothers these days. My mom got pregnant with me 22 years ago. At that time she had to run off with my father to get married so she wasn't shunned by the people in their small town. My husband and I got married when we wanted to, not because I was pregnant. As long as the baby has two loving parents, I don't see a problem with it; planned or unplanned.
2007-01-14 16:21:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I do see alot of coupes having babies before marriage. I would have to say that men don't want the cow when they can get the milk for free. Women on the other hand want men to commit and that's selfish of them. I must admit...I am a woman and when I was 17 yes, I got pregnant on birth control, had the baby. Not to mention that relationship didn't work. I got involved with another man got pregnant again. That relationship didn't work either. Now, I met a man at age 24 and got pregnant with baby number 3 he wanted to marry and we did and we're still together. I'm ashamed to admit to people that I have 3 children by 3 different men. I blame it on the the abuse that I went through as a child rape, molestation, you name it I was never happy. I always thought I needed a man in my life. Now after 9 years of he and I being together he tells me he married me b/c I was pregnant. It's hard to digest but we are on the verge of a seperation b/c he's not happy. I will pray for you and your baby, but don't get married b/c of the child it will hurt in the long run.
2007-01-14 16:07:32 · answer #5 · answered by Jerry S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A lot of people might disagree with me on this, or hate me for it, but I would call it irresponsibility. I fail to see how there is such a thing as "accidentally getting pregnant." Having consensual sex with someone is a conscious decision made by both participants, each of whom is completely aware of the possible outcome even with the use of contraceptives. Nothing is 100% effective except not doing it.
Everyone is capable of waiting until the right time, which I personally believe is after marriage-but I'm not going to shove my religious beliefs down anyone's throat. Waiting is not a matter of "Can I do it?" It's a matter of being mature enough.....or not. I'm aware that there are plenty of people who have had children without being married and are now perfectly happy families, and I applaud them especially with our society the way it is.
As for you, like other people have said, count your blessings that the guy is still around and willing to be a father. With the way most guys are, I admire him for this. And, I wish you best of luck with your new child. :)
2007-01-14 16:13:38 · answer #6 · answered by puckfreak02 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm 37weeks and i have a daughter both pregnancy's were accident but i dont care i still love my babies and yes iam still with the father to my kids...and i dont think there is anything wrong with that and i think some ppl its just accidents and some just plan it cuz marriage dont work out all the time...everytime someone gets married it seems to end bad...well im going to be getting married to my long time bf next month we been together for 7years so yea i think its time lol...well hope that answers some of your question...take care..good luck
2007-01-14 16:00:24 · answer #7 · answered by Sweetie06 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are many people who want a child but don't want to be married. I think that people in America don't value marriage much any more, thus the huge divorce rate. I think it's a shame, marriage is a very fulfilling conection that many people are missing out on. I don't believe that people should jump into marriage with a person that they aren't 100% sure they could live the rest of their lives with, but I do think that those who find that marriage isn't a walk in the park should try harder not to bail when the going gets tough. As for reproducing out of wedlock, sometimes things happen, it doesn't make you a bad person, or a bad parent. Good luck with your little one, and congratulations. Kids are fun and best of all, they don't get to divorce you (just kidding). ;)
2007-01-14 16:03:01 · answer #8 · answered by flisagrose 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I can't speak for unmarried couples but as for myself we were trying but when we got pregnant we had given up and was entirely unplanned. I think some couples (women in particular) feel they are already married or just are unprepared. I don't think many plan it either though. Some are irresponsible. It just depends. My hubby and I tried two years before we were married. We were engaged and both of us knew we were as prepared as we could be. :) I am glad that I am pregnant now, but looking back I don't think we were nearly prepared as we thought we were. But I do think there are alot more unmarried people having children. I think it is all of the above. It just depends. I do not see anything wrong either as long as the child is loved and taken care of by responsible adults who love them as well. I am a wife and mother to be of 11w1d
2007-01-14 18:04:29 · answer #9 · answered by Kelly s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know that i had my lil ones (now 9 week old twins) before my husband and i were married (just got married 2 weeks ago). it was unplanned, but we were engaged. like you i was on birth control, but like my husband says he just has super sperm. lol i think that they are more of a case of accidents. but in some cases, irresponsibility. such as when you see these 14 year olds getting pregnant, which in my opinion is just plain horrible!!!!! that is them being irresponsible and wanting to grow up too fast, and before they are ready to do so. i am 21, dated him for 2 years before we were engaged for a year.
i dont think that have a child together is the reason to get married, think that you have to have more than that to make a marriage work, and always said that when i did get married i wouldnt get a divorce because of my children.
2007-01-14 16:04:25 · answer #10 · answered by ricleigh 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Personally, we were already committed to each other. We already felt married. We were not engaged when we came off of birth control but had been together for 3 years, 2 of it living together. We got engaged 4 months after we came off of birth control. Finally, after 6 years of being together we eloped. This would also be within the 3 day period where we got pregnant!!! After 3 years of no birth control we got pregnant within a couple of days or on the day we got married.. how's that for ironic!!
2007-01-14 16:20:18 · answer #11 · answered by Mandy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋