Does it sound like I have a problem? Please be honest with me.?

Question

Friendly person who usually gets along very well with other people. Have "BIG" problems with rude people. Taking class with 20 adults. Noticed there are 2 adult clicks among classmates. There are about 3 people who are not involved in clicks including myself. I believe in treating everyone nice. During a class demonstration, a peer (who is not in a click, ) was making a presentation, and one of the click groups preceeded to laugh, make rude comments and disrespect this person. The person immediatedly hung her head and looked completely devastated. Me, playing peacemaker trying to soften the blow, came to the peers defense by asking everyone, (in a VERY POLITE TONE) to go easy on, as well as to support the peer. Member of a click told me to ---- off with a lots of support. Do you think that it was unreasonable to ask/expect grown people to respect someone elses feelings? I got no support. Peer denied feeling disrespected. Why do people support clicks? These are mean people.

Answer 1

It doesn't sound like you have a problem. It sounds like you might benefit from learning a better way to deal with mean people.

There are basically two way to deal with mean people.

Ignore the behavior, accept it.
Or return the behavior with like behaviour. You can't reason with an idiot. They are idiots.

You wouldn't pat a street dog like you pat some ones pet dog.

Honestly the only way is to one up them with a comment, or just ignore them and boost up your buddy.

It's very interesting you said "playing peace maker" you can't play peace maker with bad people, you will become a victim.

Anyway, its not unreasonable to expect grown up people to have respect but don't ignore the fact that they are not grown ups.

Clicks form because people are not comfortable with themselves. A common behavior of narcisists is to tear down others to gain some sort of satisfaction for themselves. The group dynamic forms because these either share that behavior or are not strong enough to tear others down alone. It is much easier for humans to be in humane after they form a group or especially a click.

Answer 2

That's what happens when there is a lack of alpha males in your group. Two things you need to know. It isn't your function to enforce normality on situations like this. Force of will is used to do that and you have neither the power, nor the position to engage in this. The second is that a situation like this is dysfunctional. You should leave. Look for a different group filled with high quality people (what you perceive as a "click" is actually a group of outcasts which is why there is no leader enforcing normalcy and sanity......they aren't worthy) and a leader who enforces rules of etiquette. This is a person who radiates charisma and people naturally look to him for what the group should be doing. People who misbehave are outcast by this person, who has various ways of making them leave up to and including force (depending on the situation).

It's real simple. Is there a guy like that in your situation? No? Then, you shouldn't be there. The situation has nothing of merit to offer you and the groups involved have no power, prestige or any other benefit. If it's a job, it's low status and a dead end career. If it's a class, it has no information or skills to offer you. If it's a social group, it's nothing but a bunch of losers, on the fast track to nowhere.

Answer 3

Animals are naturally inclined to associate themselves with a group of their kind, and the same is true with humans, as we are animals ourselves.

Cliques help people feel secure. They are a way of holding onto something when everything else is falling away.

You keep mentioning detesting rude people. And I know that you're being as unbiased and polite as possible, but you have to consider the people you're questioning's feelings. Cliques are their way of life. If you feel a need to stop it, it offends them.

The reason they are rude to you and your classmate is because they don't understand why you haven't joined one clique or the other. It's natural for human beings to belong somewhere, and you don't go anywhere. It bothers them, so they're going to try and crack you until you either leave their lives or conform.

My advice is that you either be strong and just attempt to ignore them, or find another class. It's hard to stick it out sometimes, when you're so outnumbered. I know that leaving the class seems like giving up or breaking, but in the long run it may lessen your stress. You'll find that trying to stay in the class will make you agitated and often annoyed, if it's as bad as you describe.


To answer your question, NO, there is nothing wrong with you.

Answer 4

"CLICKS" are everywhere....you can't get away from them....especially at school....but even in church. now, about your question....you heard the line "majority rules" it's a fact of nature...when the "group" moves to the right most will join them...or to the left...the "group" moves...it takes a sensitive person like yourself to stand up for the one being ridiculed.

What about the teacher? Where was he or she? I believe most leaders of classes have responsibilities to the "whole class" so each person is treated well. There should have been some "leadership" shown when this happened. When I was in art class and we had critiques on our projects the teacher would set the rules in the beginning and say what was allowed and not allowed...the way your "clicks" reacted would not be allowed in my class. It would be put down by the teacher.

People do what they can get by with. If everyone is going to throw a rock at the window...and no one says STOP..it's not right....they are going to keep doing it for kicks...That is life when there is no respect for someones feelings or property these days.

Answer 5

OK , confused here, What kind of class has no teacher ?
Why was not the teacher requiring order ?
If the teacher was there & allowing the BS, then report the teacher. No one spends money on classes to get attitude slapped by gangs.
Who cares why people support clicks ?
The question is , Why was the teacher allowing the crap ?
Low rent, low life people are a fact of life on this planet but whomever was running the class is obligated to manage it in a professional way.

Answer 6

No you don't !!!!!!! You are a shining star. Your attitude is a gem. I know the kind of people you are talking about. Chances are they are probably ones that lack any type of manners and cannot be trusted. They sound like mean, selfish people. They form cliques because they lack skills of any type. They have to rely on others for virtually everything and are unsure of their decisions. They probably cheat on tests too and think nothing of it. Their day will come. Some of these rude people will end up in jail, in court, divorced, in fights, on drugs, or homeless on the streets. Remember this saying: "There is no honor among thieves." Meaning, they will probably cheat others and even cheat themselves. You see this mentality with gangsters in the movies and in life. I hope this helps. You are a great individual. I know exactly the type you are talking about. Don't worry. You are a dear,sweet person.

Answer 7

No i definately don't think you have a problem.

It's a shame that even adults still feel they need to belittle people.
Those kind of people obviously have issues of their own, that they feel the need to upset other people. You're right these people are very mean.

The only reason i can think of why people support bad behaviour, is that they don't have a mind of their own, and they have a need to follow their peers.

I think it was a nice of you to try and be the peace maker, as not many people will stand up to help somone in need.

Hope most of that sense.
But good on you for taking a stand. It may not have mattered to most people there, but i'm sure that person who made the presentation appreciated it!

Answer 8

Unfortunately there are alot of people like that. Clicks are meant to keep people out. I've never fit in to one myself, I tend to have opinions and share them sometimes. I would have done what you did, I could not sit there and witness that either. I stuck up for a kid, when the parent of another was yelling at him, because her kid and he were playing and her kid got hurt. I told her that it was an accident and he didn't mean to hurt anyone. I witnessed what happened. If the other kid got hurt she would have probably just call him a baby. But this grown woman was going to yell and intimidate a 10 year old boy. I can't let that happen.

Answer 9

The word is clique(s).

Where was the class supervisor in this process?

If the peer denied feeling disrespected - perhaps the peer should be the one you believe. It is up to the peer to defend him(her)self and it is the job of the class leader to admonish the group.

You are not out of line to own your feelings about what happened, but it was not your place or responsibility to intervene unless asked.

Answer 10

I think that you did the right thing. The other people in the clicks were mean, rude and insensitive. You stood up for the person as a human and I respect your actions and values.

I agree with the other posters that you should continue to be nice and stand up for what you believe in.