I feel like a loner. Please give me some advice???

Question

I just moved to a new city and state. The city i live in now is small and it's not much to do especially for a 17 yr. old like me. I'm not a sit-at-home-all-the-time type of person. I like to get out and hang with friends. When i first moved here I thought "Ok I'm gonna make some new friends and enjoy life instead of being upset about the move" Well now that school has started, it has been taking me a while to meet new people. But now it's like nobody wants to be my friend. Nobody ever asks me to go places with them or anything. I REALLY need friends. I have no one to talk to on the weekends. I've lost touch with old friends in my hometown. The town I live in is so boring. In order to really have fun I have to travel 45min. to an 1hr. to D.C. I'm just not happy at all. I know i shouldn't be but I'm sooo upset with my mom for moving me and my brother out here. I cry almost everyday. I feel like I'm becoming depressed. I have nothing to look forward to. Please give me some advice. Thanks

I'm a little shy but I do talk once i get to know the person so I do not see this as a problem. People say you should live life to the fullest.....well how can I if i have no one to call a friend and nothing to do

Answer 1

I advise that you get some more friends and refrain from spitting into the wind.

Answer 2

Try to relax for a minute! It's not the end of the world here...you are at a really ruff age, for starters. Especially if you're a guy. Statistics show that the ages between 15-25 are the hardest ones. So know this: you are NOT alone in this.
I bet there are so many kids in your school that feel the exact same way you do.
Try to figure out a way to get into some kind of club or group thing. Maybe get a part time job someplace.
It's hard to make good friends right away, but give it time.
Above all, give the impression that you are happy and fun loving when you're in school. Talk to people all the time. Ask people stuff like what music they like (or whatever young people like to talk about these days). Find some kind of place where people hang out on the weekends and go there.
You'll make some friends before too long, dont worry.
But remember this, nothing stays the same, by this time next year you'll probably be much happier. Hang in there.

Answer 3

I know that is hard to fit in to place where you know no one. Just embrace the the fact that this is a new beginning. Go to places where you don't need an invite to like the library even if you don't like to read. Is there any activities at school that you could join; something that you would enjoy and meet people. Is there an after school program at your school. There is also the YMCA, even a church youth group. Also know that your mom has her reasons for the move and maybe they are the right reasons know you can't see it right now but this all new for her too. Maybe you and your brother, or even the three of you could do somethings together to get to know the area better then you could venture on your own once you make friends. Hang in there

Answer 4

Sounds like you're going through a really tough patch, but maybe some of the following will provide food for thought...

- What things interest you? Get involved in community activities that are focused on these activities. Maybe take a couple of classes: eg, watercolor painting, Japanese flower arranging, computer programming, whatever. You're sure to meet a number of people. And while they may not all be 17, they could very well have kids/siblings/relatives who are in your age group. Having trouble identifying your areas of interests? Cultivate some by considering what subjects you really like (let's hope there's at least one!) at school and expanding on that foundation.

- Strongly consider doing some volunteer work a couple of hours a week. Your local hospital (amongst other places) would be a good place to start. You'll meet a bunch of people. Again, they won't all become your best friend, but this will get you out of the house, as well as give you a sense of accomplishment. I've met a number of terrific people while doing volunteer work. And, all for very little time commitment.

- If you've been involved in your church/place of worship in the past, check out your local one. They'll often have programs aimed at late teens and young adults.

- Have you considered asking a couple of your fellow students to join you on a fun outing? (Make it a project to come up with something that would be interesting to you as well as someone you'd like to get to know better.) Why do they have to be the ones to make the first move?

Above all, discuss how you're feeling with your mother. In all probability, she'll be aware that you're having difficulty adjusting. She's the person best placed to give you a sympathetic ear, and sometimes that alone can be a great deal of help. Also, your mother is the person who knows you best, so she is the ideal person to give you advice on activities, etc. best suited to your personality.

Keep in mind that the first step -- getting out there -- is the toughest. You can make things pretty easy for yourself by getting involved in something that interests you. It is inevitable that it will lead to getting to know people. And the bonus is that you'll already have something in common with the people you meet. Good luck.

Answer 5

Sounds exactly like what I went through about your age...I completely empathize.

I got into a similar depression when I moved to a new state for college and didn't get much of a reception (if you look under my user name I describe this as an answer to a post about depression).

The honest truth is, some places are cold. I've interned in California (near Beverly Hills) and been to New York...both places have cultures of coldness toward people who don't have a certain look/wealth/etc. (IE if you've got it, flaunt it, if you don't have it, move it!) and I can only imagine where you've moved to is similar.
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You might honestly consider some online dating sites (I recomment mate1 or, on the cheaper side, hotornot.com) and meeting people on Myspace. Don't be dumb: don't give out personal information on those sites (IE your school's mascot, address, phone number...things stalkers can use) and it's actually much safer than, say, meeting guys at bars or even school clubs.
At your age, sadly, people often rate how fun/talented/etc. you are by if you do/don't have a boy/girlfriend and/or people interested in you that way.
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Another good thing to do is start some projects. Like starting an art club, band, or anything around your interests. When people are working with you, even if they thing they are better than you at first, they'll get a clue about how cool and expressive you are with time and stop being such snobs about it. Also the project(s) will give you something more expressive to do then just sit at home.
If you can't start your own club in some form, a not-quite-as-effective option is to join another club at a your school, a library, leisure learning, dance lessons, or other activities/places....the disadvantage here is you often don't get to be as much of a leader or as express as in, say, a singer in a band at school.

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Lastly, stay in shape (this will, chemically, give you more energy and give you a more fun looking attitude) and stick up for yourself. I know you aren't the type of person who likes being stuck indoors, but I assume people may think you are just because you are not "out, about, and popular". It happend to me when I moved out for college.

If someone says something nasty like "oh it's a party so (your name) won't want to go" interupt him/her and say something like "sorry but wow you are clueless...I just moved here but I had lots of house parties back before I moved...just because I'm not the kind of person who has friends here since Kindergarten doesn't mean I don't love a good party." Then, maybe afterward, "If you are good with it, I'll host a party, it beats the heck out of sitting around bored"
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If you ever want to talk about this, chat is forbidden on here but just IM me on yahoo messenger my alias is djtrancendance.

Answer 6

I went through the same thing when I moved to a new city about ten years ago. I found that the best way to find friends is to get involved in the town you're in. You're 17 - that means that you are in school and things like clubs, teams, etc. that you could join. Think of the things in which you're interested, then look around the school (or ask someone, perhaps at the guidance office or principal's office or a teacher) for clubs or teams that do that stuff. Then make the effort to join.

If you can't find anything through your school, you might try checking at the local library and such places for such clubs/groups - frequently libraries know all about this kind of stuff in their town.

If you just wait for friends to ask you to do stuff, you're going to wait much longer than if you go out and look for them.

Answer 7

Have you actually sat down and had a one on one with your mom and explained to her how you feel and what you are going through right now? Depression make you do things you do not intentionally want to do. Trust Me. Join some after-school activities to meet new people, or call some of your old friends and get back in touch. You can (with your mom's permission) throw a party and invite kids in your classes, then you will meet new people there. Give it time and everything will fall into place.

Answer 8

I'm almost in tears reading your letter...
the best advice to tell you is to "hang in there"........it's gotta get better...

What I would do is to reach out yourself, and don't wait for others to ask you to go out.

Seek out someone who is not always around a big group of friends. They will be more approachable.
And perhaps they even may be a bit lonely, too...

And don't feel bad, cause loneliness comes at all ages and stages of life.

Right now, I'm feeling a bit lonely these last bunch of months.
And I'm 47, with a job I love. But when I get home from work, it's just back to my condo.........(just me and my condo)

I do have a few close friends (old boyfriends that are like family to me)...........but I had a falling out with my best girlfriend about 6 months ago, so that is very painful. Plus I had a few gal pals at work that found other people they liked hanging out with better.
I know it hurts to not feel included. Luckily I work at a big casino, and I still do feel quite popular, but I am often insecure.

Also , can you get involved with a sports activity at your school, or perhaps a game club, like chess.

Perhaps there is a local gym you can join. My 17 year old nephew works out a few times a week at a gym. It seems good for his self esteem.

It's going to be okay for you. Just give it some time, honey....

Answer 9

im sorry! i no how u feel! keep an open mind. join activites- stuff u like- and ull find people u like. something ive learned is to try not to cry. have a rule to live by for the day- something positive. ur positive and happy mood will reflect on other people.

as for making friends and quick- try simple stuff for a little while like asking someone for the answer to a question. try not to be to pushy. remember new kids that uve met that come on to strong. people have friends already- but its not impossible to find someone to have as a friend, just it doesnt happen magically and will take a while so spend ur weekends right now doing other things- public events with kids from ur school???- try to think of it this way- u have and had friends- uve been here and u made it so therefore its not impossible : ) best of luck

Answer 10

I think patience is the best thing you can have right now. You still have your family.

If you've ever watched the movie Little Miss Sunshine, there's a thing in there about suffering. Proust said the years he suffered were the only years he learned anything. The years he enjoyed were a complete waste. So take up a hobby, learn something. You could become a genius at something, then everyone would want to be with you.

Answer 11

Friendships do take a long time to develp. Be pacient. I know you've just moved so maybe the people in your school are just getting used to you. They don't know what your like and possibly even curious to know more. Make yourself interesting by joining clubs avaliable at school. Volunteer in your community to get to now that a little bit better. The main thing is time and to be pacient with it. I myself have waited for a good friend and it's been a year ever since so I'm going through the situation you are. Good luck!