Is my flatmate evil? or am I just nuts?

Question

I feel like I'm going mad. This guy has no real reason to hate me. I do most of the chores, organise all the bills being paid (even though I hate doing it), I just speak to him like hes a decent guy.
In return, he repetitively talks about women in a nasty way (I'm female) and says English women are fat (hes French and i'm certainly not fat), says he only likes brunettes (I'm blonde, and he has said this at least 3 times in front of me). I have a long term boyfriend, so there should be no confusion about our relationship. I just don't understand why a guy would want to tell his female flatmate that she is not his sexual preference. He always seems to be saying something which hurts my feelings in a manner where he tries to act like he is oblivious to the fact that his statements might upset me. I don't cope very well with mind games, I don't know how to respond to him. What if its all in my head and I'm just too sensitive? In all other ways he pretends he is my friend. creepy?

Please don't advise me to move out, as I'm on the lease for another 5 months. I need to know how to respond to him. It's a tough one, cause he pretends he is just having polite conversation, so If I confront him he could just deny it.

I just ignore him and pretend I don't care, cause I imagine that he wants to either upset me or he wants to start a war.

I think he is a bit upset cause he I think he didn't realise how much people make fun of the French over here. My friends think he is an idiot, he doesn't have any friends, he can't get a girlfriend even though he is average looking. He has a reason to be upset, but how do I get him to stop taking it out on me?

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Answer 1

Dont do his chores, pay all your share of the bills. He's old enough to sort these things out himself. Be civil to him but dont allow him to have a long conversation with you where he can insult you.

Why are you bothered about his preference in women anyway? He sounds like a dick so arent you better off that he doesnt find you attractive. He obviously knows that saying stuff like that is going to upset you, so try to avoid him as much as possible. Five months isnt that long and then you can start looking for somewhere else to live.

If he isnt pulling his weight in doing the chores etc you can always take it up with your landlord.

Answer 2

Just be honest with him. Sit him down and telling him in a none confrontational way that some of the things he says / does are actually quite hurtful to you, and this is upsetting you? even though you are sure it is not his intention etc? He may be is trying to make it clear to you that he is no threat, and that you can feel comfortable around him etc. I lived with a couple of female Friends some time back, and I felt a little awkward sometimes, in that I didn't want them to think I was attracted to them in any other way than as a mate, it is difficult as a lot of my other mates and threes no doubt were always implying there was something else there? I am sure if you tell him bare facts he will take into consideration your feelings and may make things better? After all what have you got to lose?

Answer 3

Maybe He is one of those really insensitive guys that have no consideration to other people. But maybe he is subconsciously letting you know he just sees you as a friend. He might feel a bit uneasy living with a female. Some guys are sexist. Sometimes the only thing they can come out with girl + living in the same place is serious relations/ possible relations. I would suggest sitting down with him and say, "Hey, what preferences you have to the female sex has nothing to do with me. There is no need for me to know all of these things. As long as the bills get paid...(etc and what not) I don't care. etc etc." But it is your call. He might get freaked out and think you are having alternative thoughts. Just remind him that you are your own person and ask him to respect your needs. You two aren't together but you are living together and that takes team work. It is work. Just learn to cope together. It takes more than just acting friendly around each other.

Answer 4

He's not evil and you're not nuts. He's French, do I have to say anything else. Tell him to bugger off. Better yet, unless it's a matter of life, or death, ignore him. He's just trying to get attention. It must be a cultural thing, or maybe just personal, who knows. Anyway, let him be. Give him space and as long as he pays his way let it go. Idiots can't be changed and some men, no matter what the nationality, are stupid anyway. I'll admit it. Look, I don't know where you live, but I have an entire upstairs free if he gets too bad. Of course it might make a long commute.

Answer 5

I would probably make a point of saying something mean and snotty every time he does. While I mean this in the nicest way possible, French men can be real assholes. Just be a ***** back and see what happens. Plus don't do anything nice for him and ignore him except when to respond to something he has said that upsets you. I know this sounds like a childish response but it's this or deal with it or move out. You really have no other options. Good luck.

Answer 6

I use to get loads of telemarketing calls and the final straw was when somebody called asking me if I would consider selling my timeshare apartment if they could promise a good sum for it. I explained that I don't own a timeshare but they insisted that I do. We decided to buy something called "TruCall" which is a system which you plug into your telephone which prevents cold callers. Anyway, the answer to your question is the same as you, however, on the second call, I would have put the phone down on the side and walked away and came back 5 minutes later. If they weren't there, I would replace the handset, however, if they are still there the phone goes back on the side until they hang up. They eventually get the idea. KD

Answer 7

The plus side is that you only have to put up with him for 5 months. I suggest that in that time you spend as much time as possible visiting boyfriend/family/friends and staying over night; work later - go in earlier. UnfairI know but simpler in the long run. When you find your new place do not give him your address ; just arrange with the PO to have your mail redirected. When with him simply do not respond to the rubbish he is talking; tune him out .

Answer 8

I personally think he fancies you. He is saying nasty things to you as a defence, like boys do in a playground. He is probably extrememly jealous of your b/f and cant handle it. Not easy to ignore though when you have to share a flat, why not discuss with your b/f about getting a place together in 5 months, give you something positive to look forward to. Dont tell your flatmate though as last 5months will be hell. Good luck and dont be treated like a doormat.

Answer 9

it sounds to me like this guy might like you but as you are already in a relationship trys to convince himself that he doesn't by making nasty comments about people like you. i don't think that some men realise that women have feelings too, maybe he doesn't know it is hurting you. try sitting down with a bottle of wine (or something u both drink) and tell him how you feel about his comments. don't entertain the idea this is your fault as it definatley doesn't sound like anything you've done. if that fails maybe introduce to some one who fits his criteria and hope that a bit of tlc will calm him down.

Answer 10

I agree, He probably fancies you abit but is uncomfortable with his feelings. He know you are off limits so by saying all these negative things its his way of keeping you at distance. But just be strong dont let his words offend you ignore him when he acts like that you who you are. You know your beautiful so who cares what he thinks. So just be a strong woman if neccessary stand up for urself.