Giving up love for family?

Question

My girlfriend and I make each other happy, and its an amazing thing. But her parents have tried to put a stop to it since she told them, and they aren't acting the same to her as they used to, and it's hurting her. Yesterday she mentioned to her dad that her and another girlfriend were going to go out sometime next week and her dad yelled at her, telling her not to lie etc. and he knew she was going to see me. She got home and cried her eyes out, and now she’s devastated her parents don’t trust her, even though she’s never done anything wrong or behind their back.
She has told me that she can't talk to them about it, it's just not the culture (she's asian, i'm white), and she has to obey them. But she's 18, and she doesn't know that giving up on us is what they want, or will help anything. But she is willing to do anything for them.

She’s done so much in the last month for her parents, sacrificing so much, but now she thinks this is the only way. We were talking on the phone last night and she kept saying she didn’t want to, but she has to, she’s tired of trying etc. She then shocked me by saying she thinks she loves me, and later telling me she does love me, all while trying to break up with me. She questions whether love is enough?? Is it enough to overcome this sort of difficulty?
God I love her, but can I convince her she doesn’t have to give up ‘us’ for her parents? Is there anything I can say TO her parents (which would be weird considering I’ve talked to them once since they found out over a month ago)? I’ll do anything. She’s tired of waiting, but I convinced her to give it a week and things will improve, though I don’t know why I think that. Any advice from parents of daughters or anyone? thanks

I have the similar question on Singles & Dating with more details if that helps. http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AoIHKO_ak53gQD5rkYeL0Cjg5gt.?qid=20070114191848AA2dAWs

Answer 1

Cultural differences are hard to break under any circumstances (rent "The Joy Luck Club" and "Double Happiness" with regards to white/ Asian relationships).
She knows her parents might never accept you and because you two are still young, and she lives at home and probably needs to continue her education, she is looking at this situation long term. I don't know if you can take care of her, support her and be in a committed situation, especially if this means giving up her family for you. This is her decision, you have done all you can to show your true feeling for her, but given the Asian culture and customs, I doubt she will give up her parents for this relationship. In any case, Good Luck to you both.

Answer 2

There is probably not too much you can do to convince them that you are right for each other. I know that some Asian cultures are really strict on who there children date especially when it comes to their heritage and beliefs. They probably don't like you b/c u r white and would prefer her to be with an Asian. She probably has been raised more in America that in Asia and is used to our ways and they are more traditional. If you do present yourself as a man with proper intentions with their daughter and not mistreat her maybe they will come around.It won't be easy and if you are not serious about her than don't waste any ones time. One thing that bothered me about your statement is that she said she may love you but, you did not say you love her. So if you are not serious then don't get in the middle of this. If you are that you have a lot of work for you. You will need to stand up as a man. She is a good daughter and does not want to cause harm or shame to her family and wants to satisfy them and it hurts her that she can't follow her heart and please them at the same time. It is difficult I know. But if it is meant to be you will work for it and have happiness together.

Answer 3

Some Asian parents want their children to only be with Asians. I would imagine that she knows this. I think it would be a good idea for the two of you to sit down and talk to her parents. They are very big on respect so you must be respectful but confident. She is pretty young at 18. I'm sure they don't want her to get to serious with anyone until she gets out of college. One of the hardest things about dating outside of our own culture is that it is so hard to understand how people of different cultures feel about certain situations. Sometimes being honest, respectful, kind, generous, mature and intelligent is just not enough if your not Asian. But, talk to them anyway. You never know .

Answer 4

First of all, she is grow and she should be able 2 make grownup decisions without the worry of her parents leering over her shoulders. She says she loves you so that is a good thing. She should never have to lie about your relationship to anyone. Just give her a week like you planned on and c what happens. Her parents are living in the stone age and the need to let her out of her shell. All its going to do is push her away that they are going to regret trying to keep you two apart. Have you two considered getting an apartment? they really couldnt say a word then because it would be your place. Talk to her about it and c what happens then.

Answer 5

As long as she is living at home (with her folks) she feels a certain amount of obligation --she has allot of respect for them and that is a good quality--now my advice comes from an old saying--If you love something let it go --if it returns it is yours --if it does not --it never was yours to begin with-
She is torn between the two of you and that has to be so hard for her--be the bigger person in her life--tell her that you love her enough to let her go and that when the time is right it will happen--I believe in that --And she will love you even more for taking away all the pressure's

Answer 6

You love her now, but what about 10 years from now? 20 years? 50 years? If she alienates her family to be with you, you better be prepared to make every single day of the rest of her life the happiest it can possibly be.

Answer 7

LIZ brings up a very valid point!

Man............... what can I say???
If you really love someone, let them go.
If they come back to you, then you know its meant to be!