should I keep baby?

Question

Just found out I am pregnant by a man that I do not want anything to do with. We already have two kids, this would be third. I nor he was trying to create this one, but still here it is. I was in the dark for years about his other life he was leading with another woman, and her kids, now I find out, and to add insult to injury I am pregnant by him. Could it get any worse. Please don't answer that question. Should I keep this baby, or abort it. I'm not sure, the baby didn't do anything, it was the father.

since we were last together which was when I got pregnant, I found out about his other life. I loved him deeply at the time I was last with him, but since learning of what was really going on, I want nothing to do with him. Hope that answers the question I keep getting.

Answer 1

The baby certainly deserves to live, even if you give him or her (not IT) up for adoption. Many women think that the decision to abort affects only the woman herself. This is not true. Let me share a little story, without invoking any religion or other silliness.

I am the second of seven children to whom my mother gave live birth. It should be of nine. My parents were seperated, my mom was still seeing the guy that was the main cause fo the seperation. She got pregnant. She had an abortion, in the hopes that she could make the problem disappear, and still get back together with my dad. Let me tell you where we are today:

My mom is deeply depressed, has been as long as I can remember. She turns to religion for solace, but doesn't seem to find any. She has had five children, and lost one, since the abortion. She hates herself so much for what she did, that she will not even take birth control- she has come to consider it another form of abortion. All her children have grown to defy her, and she has no control. I resent her still for robbing me of the sibling I so wanted at that age. I have one brother on drugs, one sister, barely 15, trying hard to get herself pregnant and/or beaten to death, whichever comes first. Another brother, age 16, does entirely what he wants, including making my mom pretty much his servant, sending her on errands for specific foods, demanding she buy video games, other gifts, etc. Another brother has a speech defect that, had I time and inclination, I could prove was specifically linked to neglact.

My mom destroyed her life, and in the process, messed up the lives of all her children.

And one of them- she robbed that baby of life entirely. Though i try, I can never fully forgive her- and neither can she forgive herself.

Please, make any decision based on everyone involved- not just you.

Answer 2

Exactly aborting the baby will only make matters worse. Do not take your frustrations and problems out on this baby. You never know this could be the worse things get it could all turn around from here. Why abort this baby and not the first two. It just wouldn't be right. So you don't want anything to do with the father then don't. Don't treat the baby like it was a mistake, if you don't want it let someone else take custody of it, let the baby be somewhere where it's wanted, don't kill it. Death is not the solution. I'm not telling you to give the baby up for adoption either, after all you two made the baby it's not just your responsibility.

Answer 3

Hi Mis I,

With my personal beliefs I'm also inclined to say keep the little one rather than aborting it. However, I can see why you wouldn't want to raise another one of this man's babies. I feel like you cannot just think about him--the father. Or yourself. This baby is also a brother or sister to your kids...... And yes, hearing about an abortion later on would hurt them deeply. I'd like to urge you to consider this factor before your final decision.

Also, there are so, so, so many women out there trying very hard to have a baby and can't for some reason or another. Giving one of them a chance to be a mother would be a blessing to them and you are in a position to make it happen. I was one of those desperate women for a few years and had repeated miscarriages. I did finally get pregnant and managed to carry a baby full term (I had a healthy baby girl). So I did get to experience the joy of becoming a mother. There are many who won't and will turn to adoption as a result. Please give that option some thought and perhaps you won't have to resort to an abortion.

Whatever you decide, good luck to you & your family. I know it won't be easy.... BLess you...... Brenda

Answer 4

I think that this is a VERY personal question. From your question I am assuming that your other two children are Fathered by the same man. I have actually been in this situation, and now 33 years later I am divorced. The question I asked myself was could we afford this baby? We were still married and together at this time. I have no problem with abortion, but I have a problem with eliminating a child for strictly my situation that I have caused. You and I both know that pregnancies can be avoided, you certainly after having 2 children by this man. Why did you get pregnant? Are you still together? Do you want another child? Can you afford another child? Do you have room for another child?
It is your decision and you need to make it soon.

Answer 5

First, hon, it isn't a baby, it is a clump of cells called a zygote, and has only the potential to become a foetus. You have the potential to learn Chinese, too, but you probably won't. It has no personhood, and abortion is legal in most of the world.... it is ethically correct. No country but this one has problems with early abortion. You are carrying a parasite, until this can live independently. Anti-choice people are foisting their beliefs on all of us.... your choice is between you and your doctor, not you and the government. Some would like to come into your bedroom and forbid you from using bc pills... oh, great, the pharmacist as well as the priest, and the government in my bedroom.

Carried to extreme, every cell in your body, can become a human, thus to cut off a cell would be considered murder.... Oh great, just plain silly.
If you choose to carry this to term, and give it up, and get some guarantee from the adoptive parents that you'll get to be part of this kid's life, forget it..... they disappear, and you'll never see it again.

In your place? saline abortion, not a wonderful option, but by far the best available.... and the sooner the better.... It's your life, you body, your health, your year, and your decision....

Answer 6

Being totally logical and somewhat textbook you have 3 options by choice and one that you cannot control. I am not endorcing one over the other.

1: Have the child.
2: Put the child up for adoption.
3: Abortion.

By nature: 4: Miscarriage. Natural process.

All in all you should do what is best for YOU and your children that you have now. Consider your financial situation and living arrangements. You've already considered the father. Regardless of the choice, it should be something that you feel is for the best. Confide your situation into a trusted friend, or religious leader, or a therapist. Regardless of the choice, you are going to need all the help that you can get. Once you make up your mind, don't let anyone beat you upside your head over it: REGARDLESS OF WHAT THEY THINK. It's your choice to make and don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong.

Answer 7

there is a reason why America gives you the option to have an abortion. If you know you don't want to keep this baby, then it's your right to go ahead & have an abortion. You will forgive yourself & so will god. Having the baby & giving it up for adoption is worse! the child will grow up knowing that his own mother didn't want him enough to give him away. The baby will grow up depressed, so do not give him or her up for adoption. Unborn baby is better off to not know what happened because it was never born. Don't listen to all the guilt trips these people on here are giving you. It's your body & you have every right to choose what to do with it. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 8

How exactly could you get pregnant by a man you want nothing to do with? I do not understand that question. Why risk pregnancy with anyone?
Do not keep this baby, you are not a respectable, caring person. You are not responsible.
Do give the baby up for adoption to a mom & dad who will be blessed to have this child in their lives. This baby deserves love & acceptance.
Why would you not have adoption as an answer??

Answer 9

Well, the question here is, are you ready to be a single mother of three, and go through the pregnancy and labour by yourself, recover and take care of all by yourself?
How will you manage with regards to money and education?
Make sure you have some support system around you no matter what you decide, try to get on a government/social programme that can assist you both financially and economically.
If you can, try to go after the father for child support payments
Good luck,

Answer 10

I think you should keep the baby. As you said, the baby didn't do anything. The father needs to take responsibility for his actions, but the baby, I think, should not be punished. True, you can't force the father to handle his business properly, but at least you can show the baby that you love him or her, and perhaps educate him or her so that the same mistake is not made by him or her. It's a hard choice, but the fact that you asked shows that you care.

God bless.