Do I help my sister who won't help herself?

Question

My sister is 28,she has 3 children.She is collecting disability&she has a live-in boyfriend who can work but,doesn't.Her income is only $600 month.Her oldest son,also collected disability but, she signs the check over to his dad.This is half of her income given to another male bum.She is currently in the eviction process of her apartment.She made a decision about 2 months ago against my advice,not to pay her rent because she said the landlord didn't fix anything.She was going to save money for a new apartment.I knew she couldn't save but, she assured me she had $1500 saved.Today,she admitted to me she has no money.I had to buy them formula,food and diapers.She had not made the efforts to sign up for food stamps,etc.She will be given 3 dys notice to get out.We have 3 xtra bdrms for her or give her $ to get a new apartment.But,we've been in this situation before and since August 2005 have spent $16K bailing her out.Do I help?or does she go to a shelter til she is ok on her own. Help!

Answer 1

I have a family member who has the same issues as your sister. After years of money and drama, my mom cut financial ties with her sister. She's diabetic and had her leg amputated to her knee because she refused to take care of her health. The drugs she did for so many years finally caught up with her, and now she relies upon medication to maintain some semblance of emotional balance. Regretfully, her daughter and grandchildren are paying the price for her instability.

DO NOT HELP HER.

If anything, get help for her kids. If you can take them in and help them, then do so. If you can't, see what other options are available to you. If you continue to support her, she will know that she has a safety net in you and won't have any motivation to take control of her life. She'll never be accountable.

No one can change her situation but her. Don't enable her, and don't feel guilty because you're doing what's necessary.

Answer 2

in my opinion, call child protective services and have them take the kids......this will do a few good things. First, if your sister really loves her children, and she is without them...she will do just about anything to get them back, including maybe getting a job, just so she can have them back. Second, kids will for sure have a warm and friendly place to go with good food and a stable environment. If you take in your sis and her kids again, this is not going to teach her any lesson whatsoever, and she will do this to you again and again..especially since you have already bailed her out with 16k of your OWN money and she obviously did not learn her lesson that time either. I know that i do not personally know her....but i work with the public and BOY have i heard some stories! Especially people who get disability pay and are still able to work (her boyfriend). I wish that you could take the kids and let her learn for herself.....but that would be kidnapping LOL so it's better to call CPS.....she may find it cruel, and you might too....but how else is she gonna get her act together before her and the poor kids are living in a shelter....or even worse putting the emotional and financial stress on YOU!! You are a kind soul who loves her sister.....tough love may be next! Good luck!!!

Answer 3

You are enabling her. Stop it!!! I know it's hard to say "no" to family but if she hasn't learned anything from what you've done in the past, she's not going to learn in the future because you'll be there. It is a shame that the kids are the victims in this case and she may end up losing them if she cannot provide for them but that's not your place. You need to say, "that's too bad" when she whines about her situation and suggest agencies for help... shelters, united way counseling, or whatever but you cannot keep bailing her out or you'll be living in a shelter in 10, 20 or 30 years.

Answer 4

Do not give her any more money. If you are willing and able to tell her you will care for her children until she gets on her feet. If not contact social services and report her for neglect. She probably has kicked off of food stamps which is why she is not getting them. Do what you can to make sure the kids are taken care of but get them away from your sister and they will be just like her soon.

Answer 5

Hi there!
I'm not really quite sure, but think you should let your sister know that you can not solve all her problems for the rest of her life. I am in a bad situation as well, and got help from someone, but I am working on it. She will probably considere your help as a permanent thing if you dont't make it clear. maybe a shelter would make her wake up????

Answer 6

This is heartbreaking since kids are involved. But I'd have to say that continuing to help her isn't going to prompt her to help herself. Let her know that she needs to get assistance from the State, because you can't afford (even if you can) to continue helping her if she isn't going to make an effort to take care of herself.

This is awful, but she has the power to make a change, because the resources are out there to help, she just needs to make a call.

Answer 7

You can help her, but there is a time where she has to do somethings for herself. Encourage her to sign up for food stamps. All I can think of doing is praying for her. Her boyfriend needs to find a job to help her too.

Answer 8

Don't help her. The only thing that is going to be confirmed if you do is that she can always go to you when she has a problem. You yourself don't want to support a bum, do you?

Answer 9

Forget her you need to steep in and take care of the kids. If need be I'll pay for a tubal ligation for her, so she will not have four.five and six if not more.

Answer 10

As long as you keep giving,she'll keep asking. I sure feel for you.