IS My husband GAY?

Question

I have a husband who is a marine, and i am worried that he is gay. i notice my husband was always going on gay dating sites. I mean i know it was wrong for looking at his email but he left himself logged on and i just needed to know. I lloked at his profile and he had 50 guys saved and he said he was looking for a man for 1 on 1 sex. Recently he dosn't want to kiss me or spend time with me. We have two lovely boys together. And it seems like he never wants to have sex, and when we do he acts like it kills him, and he never initates sex. I am worried that are marriage is just a cover up for him to be a marine, because you are not allowed to be gay. ANY ADVICE?

Answer 1

You have to confront him! Sounds suspicious! It appears that he may be gay! It could be better for you and maybe even him.

Answer 2

If he is surfing gay dating sites looking for men to have sex with I would think there is a chance that he is? This sounds more than just experimental. I was a Marine ( I am happily married and straight) and there is a great deal of pressure on Marines to appear macho and at the very least, straight as an arrow. He may be going through psychological hell if he is living a lie. Counseling is the obvious answer, but I have no idea how to bring it up. Talk to the base chaplain.

Answer 3

I don't want to make you feel worse about your situation, but I would say yes, he is more than likely gay/bisexual. If he had those things in his e mail/profile (which is private and he probably thought you'd never see it) - then I can bet he's gay, or atleast leaning towards that direction. If I were in your shoes, I would find out his password and keep checking on it, or, ask him directly what is going on. Tell him what you found. The only reason he would be angry is because he's embarrassed that you found out, but make him be honest. The quicker the better, ya know? You don't want to be wondering about this for another 5 years.... and I'm sure it makes you feel awful inside, but it's not you, it's him. He has unresolved issues that have nothing to do with it being your fault whatsoever.

Answer 4

Even if he isn't, your marriage is in trouble if you have to secretly read his mail and you are not able to be intimate with each other. Whether or not it's because he's gay, you're not communicating with each other any more. Have you told him your concerns? Have you talked to him at all lately? No man tells another man he wants to have sex with him unless he is looking to be noticed in that way. You could save each other a lot of grief (not that you aren't both in a lot right now, it seems) if you would just be honest with each other. That's hard if he's in active duty right now, but when he is around, you need to have that talk, and don't confront him, speak from your concerns for yourself and your marriage, not for his sexual orientation, you'll be more likely to get him to speak honestly if he doesn't feel like he's under attack.

Answer 5

Going on the things you've found out so far, yes, I'd say you're husband is gay.

I'm very sorry this is happening to you. Very. I'm not an expert or anything, but I recently saw something on TV where 3 different women were married to men who later decided they wanted to be with men. 1 of the women stayed married to her husband because while he did go out with men, and was sometimes intimate with them, he told his wife everything. He kept nothing from her.

Basically, I'm saying, you should confront your husband, in a non-threatening way, if you can. Let him do most of the talking, let him decide if he is willing to risk losing his family to satisfy his curiosity, or if he will come clean with you, and you guys can come to some sort of decision about what happens next.

Hoped that helped somewhat.

Answer 6

Sounds like you "had" a good relationship. Sit down and talk to him about it & make him tell you. Do it now. Dont waste the next couple of years wondering. Somtimes it helps if people let out there feelings. It will be best for both of you. From what it seems he does seem gay. But dont stop loving him until you know 110%


best of luck

Answer 7

WOW! Sounds like it hon, and as much as it hurts you probably should leave. It is much easier to get an std from a gay man than it is a straight man, sad but true and you certainly dont want that, hopefully if you leave you can maintain a good relationship with him for the sake of your kids (unless he's a bad father). Soo, so sorry.

Answer 8

It is really disturbing when a man does look at gay sites. straight men would never think of. I do believe he might be gay. Have a talk with him and see where it goes. Good luck, and I am so sorry to hear this. It's unfortunate for the kids.

Answer 9

Your husband is gay. He just used you as a cover up. He wants to be a marine but have the marines think he is straight. The reason he doesn't touch you is because he rather touch a man. Try confronting him about.

Answer 10

I would say yes--sorry. He is obviously going on these gay dating sites for a reason. He is looking for something. Maybe he is curious, but I don't think so. Would you go on a dating site looking for a man if you didn't really want one??? I think that whether he has done anything to act on this or not, cheating is cheating and he is cheating. Good luck.

Answer 11

If those are the facts what do you think?
The only one left which you should keep to yourself is Does he like rear entry sex?

I think he's probably with you till he comes out. Gay blokes pick strong women apparently to help them. Looks like you're strong 'cos you came here and asked.

But you don't know for sure, just give him the facts and help him either way.

I'm not gay but I'm a man and that's my best advice.

Good luck.

I just wanted to add something. I always hear about the idea it makes the woman feel like she's done something wrong. Let me reassure you, there's plenty of men out there who would love to meet someone sensitive and obviously smart like yourself. No-ones to blame here...but I can't imagine how you're feeling so I'll leave it there. ta ta.