How do I get my wife to respect my independance?

Question

She is a good wife, but I am going to get a tattoo on the middle of my back (above my rear) and she is dead against it. I say it is my body and she doesnt own me. Also, she stiffles my creativity. I need time to myself to relax and talk to my friends, but she gets angry and says I need to talk to her. Also, I told her that she should do her own laundry and maybe mow the lawn once in a while. I think that it is wrong that I always have to do it. How can I get her to understand?

Answer 1

So you want ot get a tramp stamp pretty much. You aren't married. You're gay. Dude, don't get it.

Answer 2

You sound like you still want to live a bachelor life. You're married...everything is compromise. Maybe you can tell her that the tattoo isn't revealing. The laundry should be done by the both of you....whoever gets to it first. And mowing the lawn, should be the man's job. Women cook and clean the house. And you need to talk to your wife....if you're wanting to spend time with everyone else, then maybe you should consider whether or not you should still be married.

Answer 3

It's all about compromise. About the tattoo- If you sit down, give her attention, talk to her about it, ask her why it bothers her, and have a conversation including her (make her feel like it is her decision and sort of beg) she will feel ok. She just wants to feel included. She is, after all, your wife. And... not to be stereotypical, but generally guys mow the lawn... you only mentioned laundry and the lawn... does she do everything else? If so, you should be happy you only have to do the lawn. She just doesn't want to be left behind when it comes to your creativity and independence. She wants you to want to include her. Maybe if you want to hang with your friends, you could ALL hang together? If she doesn't want to, at least invite her so she will feel like you made the effort to include her.

Answer 4

this might sound harsh but maybe you shouldn't have married her in the first place. maybe you should have chosen someone more independant like yourself that would support getting your tattoo and hanging out with your friends. well now that that's out the way and your stuck where you are the only thing left to do is communicate with her and try to reach some kind of middle ground where you both can be at least somewhat satisfied. is the problem maybe that she doesn't have enough social life of her own so she feels the need to try to control yours? in that case maybe you should be encouraging her to join something where she will meet friends or to hang out with the ones she already has but perhaps is neglecting so she can focus on you. perhaps instead of saying you do both the laundry AND mowing just split. ask her to be in charge of one of them and say you'll do the other. that way it will be fair. the more you communicate your feelings on this issue the more she will realise that this is important to you and if she really loves you she will respect that and try to find a compromise with you.

Answer 5

It sounds like you and her do not know each other at all... See what happens when you marry somebody for sex and because they look good... It sounds like you are going to live in a very unhappy marriage because you and her did not take the time to really get to know each other and most of all you two did not even listen to each other when dating... I bet that you and her argued more than not through your dating... Let me ask you something.,.. If your wife wanted an abortion would you allow her to get one...(if it was totally against your morals to have an abortion.) well it is her body... Well tattoos are a moral issue with some people... and her morals were to not marry a man who has tattoos... this is one time you need to decide who's happiness is more important ... YOURS or HERS... as far as talking to her... Well I do believe that she is right because from the sound of it you two do not know each other at all.... She did not marry you to be alone... But I do have a secret to tell you .... As long as you and her put each other first in each others lives your marriage will be fulfilling and very close... I just wonder what you are going to think when some day your wife doesn't want to be with you any more and she doesn't want to talk to you any more... Because that too is going to come in to play... and believe me if you don't start talking to her and listening to her there will be another man who will... hence divorce... and just to think ... it could have all been prevented if you had of just listened to her and talked to her and most of all put her before yourself... and she needs to do the same for you too... but this tattoos is an moral issue and I have to say that no one should have to go against their moral.. and you have lived this long without a tattoo or what ever and if you want to stay married I suggest you live a while longer without one...

Answer 6

How old are you? You sound as if you are very young and even more immature!!!! Your married, start treating your wife with a little respect and maybe you will get some back in return. You should care about how your wife feels about you defiling your body with a tattoo. She is going to have to look at the butt ugly thing. Your not going to be able to see it back there so she should have more say in the matter then you do.

Answer 7

Maybe she just doesn't like the design. Is there a way to compromise and get something you'd both be happy with? I love tattoos and so does my husband. (we have several things we both want) But there was one design he wanted and I absolutely hated it. It would have been a major turnoff to me. So we went to several parlors and looked online and came up with something that we both like and that he's actually happier with. Now if she just doesn't like tattoos at all well that's different. On the one hand as a wife I say you should respect that and not do it BUT on the other hand as a person that loves tattoos I'd say get it because it makes you happy and it's your body. That's a tough one for me...thank goodness me and my husband see eye to eye on that! As far as the friends thing goes....just make sure you leave time for her and make sure you give her the time she wants and then she'll loosen up about you hanging out with your friends. And lastly as far as the chores you guys just need to decide who does what. For me and most of my friends the wife does the household stuff (but the husband's aren't slobs!) and the husbands do the stuff with the cars and the lawns and cooking is divided up. Works pretty well for most of us. Good luck!

Answer 8

She is insecure. Of course you need time for yourself. Tell her to go call a girlfriend, etc. Get the tattoo if you would like. You mow the lawn - tell her she needs to do the laundry. She sounds like a baby.

Answer 9

If you're asking us, instead of talking to her, you're asking the wrong people.
Never seen a guy get a tatoo there, only women.......
Maybe if you spent more time talking to her, and being with her in cooperative endeavors, you'd have more time to spend with your friends.
BTW, my wife takes care of the inside of the house, and I take care of the outside as well as any and all repairs to cars, and house, however, I'm not above vacuuming or doing dishes/laundry now and them.
Been married 32 years. Seems like 5.
Sounds like you two have a communication problem, and a maturity problem to go with it. Maybe a session or two with a family counseller might help......unless either of you are afraid of finding out you have to be less stubborn and give a little.

Answer 10

Telling her to mow the lawn once in a while was a bit much but you were right in the whole my body thing you dont own me but try to negotiate with her divide the week between yourselves, friends, and each other otherwise you might want to get out while your ahead. Cause she doesnt sound like one you want to be with if theres going to be constant argueing.

Answer 11

I feel that you should also respect her and not do this... She should not have to mow the lawn you should do that as long as she does the house work and remember you are not longer independant once you are married you become one flesh and two become one. you do need to talk with her as well as your friends but when you married her she was supposed to become first in your life above them.