My soon-to-be-ex left 5 months ago and although he's filed for divorce, I've not yet been served with papers. Despite the fact that the divorce is nowhere near final, he introduced our kids (ages 10 and 7) to his girlfriend and her son (age 4) this weekend. The five of them proceeded to spend the evening together. Am I wrong to be uneasy (okay...downright nauseated) by this?
2007-01-14 13:33:45 · 8 answers · asked by ophelia 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, you are not wrong to feel uneasy. ALL family councilors say the same thing in divorce cases to each participant. Don't start dating till the divorce is final. My son came up with one of the best reasoning to this issue. Your kids have not yet experienced closure with the actual divorce. Almost all children believe themselves the reason for the breakup even though we all know it's not the case. Now on top of these dysfunctional feelings you throw in a curve ball with adding a new participant to the equation. Smart kid huh? This may however, work to your advantage, as the kids will most likely rebel with this new twist.
2007-01-14 13:43:02 · answer #1 · answered by delux_version 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Clearly inappropriate. This may backfire on him in the divorce. Not to mention confuse the kids. Yours and his children are still trying to adjust to the separation. This should only be done after a divorce, and should first be introduced in a safe or public setting. Be aware that there are two issues here. Your grief and the children being introduced to and bound within another family. Keep your focus on the best interst of the children.
Word of caution, if you have not been served with papers, yet, get your own lawyer, get a temporary order for custody and a temporary order to prevent this. Goll you don't even know anything about this gal. Although she may be very nice, it's just too hard on the kids. Imagine if this relationship doesn't work out, there will be another and another, and the children begin to develop familal relationships that end. The father is not making good decisions for the children.
2007-01-14 13:46:52 · answer #2 · answered by Kelly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a cad! You ought to take him aside and tell him that for your childrens' sake, he ought to introduce any "girlfriends" very, very slowly after they've had a chance to adjust to their dad and mom not being together any more. You've at least got some leverage in the divorce if the papers haven't been served yet and he's already "comfy" enough with the girl to bring her around his children. Find yourself a good woman lawyer or a man who's handled other divorces to the woman's satisifaction.
2007-01-14 13:52:15 · answer #3 · answered by Moe J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, some women feel this way because they never wanted the divorce in the first place. You must not want the divorce, since he was the one that filed. You only feel this way because of your own feelings, not the kids feelings. I have seen this behavior in ex-wifes for about 15 years. It all boils down to the ex-wife's being jealous that their ex found someone else. If you would be completely honest with yourself, you would figure out that you still have feelings for your soon to be ex-husband and you just don't want to admit it. You shouldn't use the kids as an excuse for your own feelings.
2007-01-14 14:04:20 · answer #4 · answered by LM 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nicely, the reality is that he's already achieved it,so what are you able to do now? convinced, it does look fairly quickly for him to be doing this, because the little ones could get connected to her, and then in the destiny she's historic previous, yet when it truly is in trouble-free words getting jointly once in a lengthy time period and taking section in with the 4 year-old, then fairly it truly is not any longer a lot different than a playdate with yet another figure. do no longer make it out to be a higher deal than that's and in case you're on speaking words with the ex, only tell him that you wish takes the baby's superb pastimes to heart, communicate about the flair damage they could adventure if he and he or she do not workout consultation, notwithstanding the little ones have grow to be emotionally connected. do no longer communicate poorly of her or him to the little ones, they're going to style their own reviews, and no one will ever replace mommy.
2016-10-31 03:03:50 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is normal to be upset, this is a hard thing to deal with if there is no complications, and no new girlfriend. Your kids don't need that either. You can expect to feel hard feelings, anger, hurt, and resentment. It does feel like he is trying to make a family without you, almost replacing you and the role you used to play in his life. You do need to come to terms with the strong feelings you are expereincing and try to heal yourself.
However you can never be replaced. You are special and you are your kids mom, first.
Give your kids some extra hugs tonight and let them know that you love them.
2007-01-14 13:44:55 · answer #6 · answered by Missy Lyons 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you aren't that is just life. But there is nothing rong with it.
2007-01-14 13:38:24 · answer #7 · answered by happy2bdalucky1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you are right ..it is too soon...the children are going to be confused..........
2007-01-14 13:39:43 · answer #8 · answered by Bren 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋