My 15 year old son has ADHD and is getting into trouble at school?

Question

. He has no interests in anything except playing video games, watching TV and going on the computer. He doesn't do his homework and resists any help offered by me or my husband. He has been getting in trouble at school and has used pot. He hangs out with a similar group of kids and I'm afraid that things are only going to get worse. His schoolwork is done poorly and he doesn't seem to care about getting decent grades. He is on several medications including Adderall. Does anyone have any suggestions on residential treatment programs, wilderness or summer programs that could help get his life back on track? Personal experience would be greatly appreciated. Both my husband and I are college-trained professionals. I'm not too sure right now if my son will even graduate from high school. HELP!

Answer 1

As a special education teacher in the high school setting I get to work with students who all to often are in the same situation as your son. So where can you start?

First of all, education isn't necessarily genetic. Both you and your husband graduating from college isn't going to factor into his future...however, it does provide a tremendous headstart for him if he needs the help or stability when he chooses to make the right choice.

Secondly, does your son recieve special education services from his school? They come in many different forms but for your son (if he qualified) could have different types of homework and timelines. This is a way of getting him extra help and structure at school that may help him. In many cases, students with ADHD can qualify for special education under the title "Other Health Impairment (OHI)". You can talk with your student services director or principal to refer you student. The school then has 60 days to determine if he qualifies for special education services. In my area of special education, I work with students on social skills and staying connected to school (in addition to homework). Special Education will not cure all that ails nor will it guarantee anything like graduation, etc... It is just an avenue that you should pursue if you are serious about the school helping your son pursue a high school diploma and transition services.

On to the video games...get rid of them, the computer, cable TV, and (if you are really worried) take the door off the hinges by his room. As professionals, I am assuming you have little time to connect with you kid. If this is true, now is the time to up the ante in regards to the amount of time your spend with him. Time is the only thing you can never get back.

Your dealing with a teenager who is acting out, experimenting (which you need to determine if it is a form of "self-medicating"), scaring the hell out of you because you don't know if he'll pull out of this funk he is in with friend choices and his disengagement. On top of that, you are really putting alot of the blame on his disability. Many people who have ADHD lead perfectly normal lives. Your son can too as long as his disability isn't used as a excuse (however, he will have to come to terms with this).

Besides a special education referal I would recommend that you revist his medication and the effect it is having on him. Also, I would recommend counseling for all of you as a way of reconnecting. You must understand that if you decide to go the route of day treatment, boot camp, etc... you are placing ALL of the burden on your son to get better on his own. If you can go to counseling and work with him through this tough time, he will not only appreciate it more (maybe not till later in life) but you will also continue to be there for him, not just sending him away.
In addition, start small. He is 15. He doesn't know what he wants to do yet. Also, sports (extracurriculars) is a HUGE factor in determining high school success and graduation. If he can get involved after school in activities, even a gaming club, you will have some info on where he is at and even who he is with.

Finally, a vehicle is sometimes the line that divides students in regards to how they grow up. I would assume you have no intention of getting him a car. However, if you do, you can use it as a way of setting up some pretty good guidelines and use it as a way for him to get out of the house. I would recommend that if you use a car as a reward, that you make resonable demands like knowing who his is with, where he is going, when he will get back, etc... If he can't stick to those...take the car battery.

Your situation stinks...just hang in there and know that nothing will change overnight. Try to connect with your kid and do more with them (you can even integrate the activities into chores like chopping word, fishing, going to a game or convention, etc...). I would be most concerned with the pot useage as it is a gateway drug and you really need to see if he is self medicating beause his adderal isn't working or he isn't even taking it.

Answer 2

A child that can watch a TV programme, play a computer game and play a video game does not in fact have ADHD. The only attention deficit this child is exhibiting is that you guys have not been guiding him.

Perhaps instead of seeking to palm him off to other "fixit" people, which MAY work, but are unlikely to bring about a long lasting change in his behaviour, one or both of you should negotiate with your work so as to be part time - to be more involved with raising your teenage boy and working with him through the hard times and his bad choices.

If he sees your behaviour to be - "pay money and someone will fix it for you" rather than "knuckle down and do some hard work" don't you think he will learn from your repeated examples of how you want him to behave?

I'm sorry that you have begun to ask these questions so late in his development. It is during the first 14 years of his life that he will have been developing his personality and learning the way to interact with his environment.

Your options now:

o Palm him off
o Medicate him more
o Abandon him and let him learn his lessons from life the hard way
o Take time away from your busy lives and work with him - educate him about the problems you see and show him what needs to be done. This is the attention deficit that is the biggest problem here.

Answer 3

I can't believe some of the awful answers you have gotten to your question. There IS absolutely such a thing as ADHD. My son has this condition and it impacts our family daily. I don't know if I have an answer for you, but you might look into the side effects of the medications he is currently taking. Maybe it isn't the right 'mix'. Aslo, would it work to write a contract so that he knows that he must meet certain expectations in order to get the video games,etc...?

I know that it is almost impossible to control what a teenager eats when they are out of the house, but my son has responded really well to the removal of artificial food colors and flavors. He also is much worse when his allergies are acting up. Giving him Claritin really helps at certain times of the year.

My last thought is that you might look at tools which your son could use to help him organize his time. ADHD is in part a disorder of executive function, i.e., the brain's ability to organize and to plan ahead.

One summer program which I have heard good things about in the past is Outword Bound. They run wilderness courses of all types ranging in length from 3 days to 3 months.The website is:

www.outwardbound.org

Good luck and don't be discouraged by the negative answers you have gotten. They frankly don't know what they're talking about.

Answer 4

Hi Nina,

We have an eleven year old son with ADHD and we have also struggled. While our son hasn't hit his teen years yet, his interest in video games, tv and computers are the same as your son's. Our son takes Adderall and this has helped tremendously. Our son was doing poorly in school until we discovered that he is actually "gifted." Now that he is being challenged in school as opposed to being bored, he is getting straight A's (except in Conduct, he got a C in that, but we'll take it). We still have to force him to do his homework and this includes sitting there at the table with him the whole entire time no matter how long it takes. If I leave the table for even a few minutes, I come back to him totally distracted. Homework that should take about thirty minutes, can take up to four hours with our son but if you have the time to sit there with him, he'll have a better chance of getting it done. However, this is probably a lot easier to do with an eleven year old. I truly feel for you and your husband, as I know how hard this is and I can only imagine what's in store for us when our son becomes a teen. Spend as much time as possible with your son, even if it means playing video games with him. It will help you stay connected with him. He needs you now more than ever. They say that those who deserve our love the least, need it the most. I try to remember this when I'm frustrated with my son. I hope it all works out for your family.

Answer 5

I can see by the quality of the answers you've gotten so far that the others who've answered have not dealt with this. My wife and I have.
We enforced a discipline wherein we'd withhold things (like videogames), and we strictly monitored who he was allowed to associate with.
Our eldest, who had ADHD, had a great deal of empathy however, and was great helping physically and mentally challenged kids.
He didn't graduate from a regular high school, but did graduate on schedule from a Continuation School. The teachers there were more able to motivate him, and keep him interested in his course work. Additionally, he's was, and is exceptional in the use of his hands (craft stuff), so after I got a complaint that he wasn't paying attention in Art during the "colorwheel" part of the class, I got him switched into leatherwork and it made a world of difference.
There was Behavior Modification counselling for him, Family Counselling for us along the way.
We set goals, and did what we could to enable him to reach them.
You have rights as parents with regards to the school system. Make sure you know them, and enforce them. Try to work with the school system, however, that usually means that you have to do what they want, and that isn't the way it has to be. Make sure your and your son's rights are enforced.
As parents, it's important to know where he is, what he's doing, and who he's doing it with, as well as when he'll be home. If you abrograte or give up those rights along the way, it will be extremely tough getting control back.
Being college trained professionals doesn't give you the right to tune out of what's going on. You have a responsibility to your son, and society to raise him with concret values and morals. Be sure you're in control. Set limits and STICK WITH THEM. To many parents set the limit and then change it when it's "inconvenient."
Check around with some psychologists for parent's groups in your area that deal with this problem. Networking can give you a huge bit of help. Meet and discuss your problems with others going through the same thing. It'll be quite a relief to find out you're not the only people suffering this.
Good luck to you.

Answer 6

I am not sure what state you are from but if you are experiencing behavioral problems often a Behavioral assistant would help by helping you son set attainable goals. ADHD is something that as a family you will hopefully all work together to come to an agreeable solution.

As for those that do not believe in ADHD that is your opinion, I don't feel these message boards are here for us to pass judgements.

Try to seek out what your state offers, in NJ we have care managment that provides case management to families just like yours. Try googling that for more info.

One more bit of advice, if homework is not done, with assistance from you or what not, then NO videogames, period. As parents set the rules, I know this will be hard for a few weeks, maybe even months but it will help your son in the long run.

Answer 7

There are three things you need to look at--and you're not going to like the third, fair warning. I've seen this kind of thing often in my work with persons--especially students--with disabilities.

First--your son's medication maybe off--but you should be sure he has been diagnosed correctly in the first place. The majority of young people diagnosed with ADD/ADHD are misdiagnosed--whatever the problem is, its not that. So check on that--and if t is a correct diagnosis, get the meds (if any) re-evaluated.

Second--your son needs counselling, either way. for a student with ADD/ADHD, learning coping skills are essential, and that requires professional skills (unfortunately, most children with this disability are not getting this help).

Third--and I warned you, you won't like it--you are not handling the situation well. Here's one example: you said your son is hanging out with a "bad crowd." You are the parents--and it is your call who your son spends his time with. You will have to start setting standards of behavior--and ENFORCING them. Granted, your son's behavior isn't entirely a matter of volition--but while you may need to handle some things differently because of his disability, not doing this isnt doing him any favor.

Sorry to be critical--but it doesn't help you--or your son--not to give you ALL f my assessment. Good luck! :)

Answer 8

I'm glad someone else here does not believe in ADHD. Your child is being a teenager. He's rebelling. If he is on several meds he may not be taking them. Children should not be on meds for not listening. They need to be challenged so they aren't bored. I knwo a teenager who is failing because he wants to seem "cool" to his friends. You mentioned that you and the husband are both college trained professionals.A college education means nothing when handling real life problems.You just read books. That does not help you with real life. Let your son figure out his life. Don't get on him because he will only rebel more. He is seeing how far he can go.

Answer 9

Assisting him in relaxation is a clue. How long has it been since the family has gone on a trip or exploered a museume ( some place where everyone has to be quiet, but, listen and learn ) or went to the park , even sat down and watched a movie to get simple things like eating dinner and discussing future plans my enlitten the situation and maybe it's not him ---- refrain from medication for a moment ( with the doctors consent and use other strategies.

Answer 10

This sounds like my son. He is 15 and has no interest other than video games. He was having trouble in school until we had his medication changed. He has ADD, and has a hard time getting anything, including school work done. After we changed medications he has done alot better.

Answer 11

Good for him! Anyone who has no interest in high school sounds intelligent to me. Put him in some classes at the community college and see how he likes learning at a higher level.

There are also drugs to solve this problem. Many doctors will prescribe adderall--I reccomend you take one every day and stop worrying about it. Your kid will be fine as long as he finds something in life to be interested in. Kids need to be hyper, the best thing to do is to help keep an envirnment that helps him learn his own way.

If he wants, let him take the drugs when he's 18.