My wife wants to have kids so bad. My point is that we should be talking about it only when everything's settled; only when we're living together, have stable jobs, and did everything we wanted to do. I wanna have kids too, but in the right time. Now we're arguing about it. Advice please...
2007-01-14 13:07:04 · 18 answers · asked by bluewarrior 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
by the way, she's 26 and i'm 24. we're married for 4 months.
2007-01-14 22:06:48 · update #1
You both need to sit down and have a conversation about why you do or don't want to have children. It is hard enough to raise children in this world so please make sure you have all of your stuff together before you go and make that decision. The best thing to do is state your case and let her state her case and then maybe you can come to some sort of agreement.
2007-01-14 13:16:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having kids changes your life so much, it's never exactly "the right time" because you will never have done everything you needed to do. However when you say "only when we're living together, have stable jobs" is a real red flag. You should definitely not have kids until you're living together and one or both of you has a stable job. You will need to afford health insurance, one or two cars, and then when the kid is older there are a lot of expenses related to taking care of them.
2007-01-21 20:14:58 · answer #2 · answered by Cookie Preston 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it isn't something that you can agree on than the best thing is to dicuss the reasons for and the reasons against having kids. But honestly if you are going to wait to have kids i think I should tell you that the longer you wait the harder it will be. I mean I know this couple that wanted to wait a few years and do a lot of things that a couples without kids can do. So they did all the things..it took a few years, and now they just don't want to have kids they actually avoid them at all costs, thing is they aren't happy either, one of them actually told me that things are winding down between them....which is sad, cause they are a very sweet couple. So the moral here is sometimes the next step is have kids sometimes it isn't but don't side step the next step because you are not completely ready because then you ight find yourself 1 step ahead of your self and wishing you could step back, but by then it might be too late.
2007-01-14 13:23:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good luck finding the "right time". You will NEVER be in a position where you are settled, with enough money, with the house you want, with the car you want, with nothing else to do and nowhere else to go, etc. People always want or need more...that is human nature.
You both need to sit down and talk about it. Be honest...not just with her but with yourself. Is there some other reason you don't kids.
Look within yourself and then discuss it with your wife.
2007-01-14 13:27:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
Honestly You will never be ready or find the right time to have children. It is just something to go for and deal with life as it goes. You will never be the perfect parent either. Just like a job a relationship it has its ups and downs . You just deal and work with those. Kids are the same. You get them your feelings towards them change and you will see that you will ask yourself. What would I do without them??
I consider kids a blessing and a reason to Live for once you have them.
LUCK!!
2007-01-20 07:18:00 · answer #5 · answered by Nunya M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel that you should both agree on this... Why does she want kids so bad... Listen to her and also tell her how you feel.... How long have you been married. You really should have a great job and be able to support her and the baby and once she has the baby maybe she can work part time. I hope this works out for the both of you and also how old is she?
2007-01-14 13:21:54 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the decision to have children cannot be compromised on. either you have them or you don't. you are doing the right thing by waitng until everything is settled (financialy, ect). most people don't stop to think just how much it will cost (physically, emotionally, financially) it will to have and raise a child. unfortunately you will have to agree to disagree on this sujbect. but don't let her pressure you into doing this when you are not ready. if she has a problem with it, well...that is her problem. and i am not saying this to be mean, but, you may end up haveing to let her discover this on her own (break up) if she is that despearte on the subject. but don't worry...relationships break up over this decison all the time. it is just uncommon because it is hardly talked about. good luck.
2007-01-14 13:37:29 · answer #7 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to understand lot of women just want's to have a baby i know because before i had any kid's i alway's baby sitted for my relative's so i wanted to marry and have a baby of my own to play with and take care of when i did marry and had my first daughter i was so happy now i got two daughter's thier grown now but your right about you want stable job's it take's money to raise kid's clothe's , food , education hope this help's
2007-01-18 12:15:27 · answer #8 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with u having kids at the rigth time is better for u and the kids, what is the need to have kids when u can't take care of them. but u need to put ur wife thrugh let her understand that u love her and u both need time to settle down.
2007-01-21 20:07:49 · answer #9 · answered by MIMI T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Compromise. Give her a date to look forward to for when you will start trying for a baby. Set goals for your current setbacks and fulfill those goals in reasonable time. It will be interesting to find out for both of you if you are serious about this relationship or are just trying to avoid responsibility in any form.
2007-01-20 15:26:24 · answer #10 · answered by goturanswer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋