What would you do is this happened to you?

Question

My wife and I decided to live appart for a few months to sort out our relationship.We see each other everyday and are sorting out our problems or so I thought,as shee drinks and suffers panic attacks.
On calling round her flat this evening I was greeted to the sounds of her obviously having sex with someone.This has totally bloown my world apart.I love her just as much as I did when we married,now I am sat here shaking,unable to sleep and I just dont know what to do.Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.

Yes it did actually happen the question posed only occured at 6.15 this evening so I still trying to come to terms with this

I am 52 and shes45

Answer 1

OMG... Firstly, i hope your ok matey

secondly you need to go round and ask her if she still wants you.
depending on reply...question what you have heard,

you also need to think about what you have just experienced and ask yourself what do YOU want !!

do you want her? if what you have heard is correct can you forgive her?

was this possibly an ongoing thing you never knew about? (sorry for puttin that in but you need to ask yourself this)

good luck matey... if you truly love her and she truly loves you then all will work out fine....

again....I HOPE YOUR OK MATEY

from a friend you don't know

Answer 2

Life is a ***** sometimes!.. you have found out that your estranged wife is having an affair.. It could be that the whole reason for your marital break up is due to the affair which you didn't know about.. First thing to do is to confront your wife and tell her what you know! , then tell her that you want a divorce and just move on with your life.. its gotta be better than sitting round moping and getting depressed!.

Answer 3

First you need to talk with her about what you heard. Its obvious that since you were married to her you would know what sounds she makes when having sex. This living apart to sort out problems....sounds like it was a separation where she could pretty much do what she wants to do. If you both really love each other and can get over this hump maybe you can work it out. Otherwise, if she is having an affair with another man why would you want to be with her? THere is lots of other trustworthy women out there.

Answer 4

Did you actually SEE her having sex with someone, or did you just HEAR sounds, and assumed she was having sex? There's a big difference here.

What you need to do is talk to her, and see what happened that night when you went by her place. Tell her what you heard, and see what she says about what actually took place. Then, if it comes out that she had sexual relations with someone else, while still married to you, if you want to, you can file for divorce, or you can work it out with her. If you choose the former, your problem is solved; if you choose the latter, she has to sign a written promise that she will never cheat on you ever again. Good luck.

Answer 5

Something a lot like this did happen to me so I really feel for you. The pain of this is excruciating. Yes, of course talk to her, but don't let her deny it happenned. My friend, I am so sorry, but I don't think this is going to work out. I know you still love her but you have some hard reality to face. This woman is not who you want her to be. First of all she drinks and has panic attacks and is not really working on that. Secondly she is cheating. You have to come to terms with what that means. Living apart was the first step of a separation. The affair is the crowning blow. Find people you trust to talk to. Take care of yourself-go out to dinner with friends, or buy a new sweater-anything you can do to boost your self esteem. It is not what's wrong with you, but her own issues she is working out. It took me a really long time to get over my husband's adultery and subsequent divorce. I can appreciate how much pain you are feeling. You will probably discover your inner strength as you grapple with this. Don't make any sudden moves and talk it through with her. I am sorry to say this, but it is most likely over. Get a therapist, see friends, and get support from safe places. Take care of yourself and remember your own worth.

Answer 6

I think that you need to find out does she really want to be apart for a few months or does she wasnt to end the marriage. I know its hard but her sleeping with another man isn't going to help your marriage this can cause more stress on both of you. Just relax and get yourself together and talk with her.

Answer 7

You have to make a decision whether you still want her in your life or not.

To me the signs were there. She had seperated from you, so she could have her own life without you in it. As much as you may want to believe that she was just thinking, she probably already had this guy all lined up.

She is moving on, and distancing herself from you. You are going to have to ask yourself Do you want to fight for her, or are you just going to walk away?

It is very painful either way, I would suggest talking this out with someone who is supportive, your friends, your family or find a counselor. There is going to be a lot of frustrating feelings you are going to expereince. Anger, shock, rage, hurt, resentment, and you should not have to go through these things alone.

So have a good cry, and make a decision, but don't pretend it didn't happen.

So sorry for what you ae going through.

Answer 8

I hate to say it but at least you know more or less where you stand right now. I went thru the same thing (separation) and had my suspicions but was always met with denials. No one can say what you should do its up to you. As advise i can tell you in my case after she admitted to sleeping with other people about a year later i couldn't look at her the same way again. Not because of what she did but because she was so angry when i asked her about it and lied for so long. i couldn't trust her anymore. It hurts to say but you could be in the same situation as me where your significant other has moved on. Or is trying to see if there is anything better out there. If you are going to work it out with her work it out together not living apart. Otherwise it seems she is just keeping you there for after she's had her fun, or figured out if there is something better out there.


one question if you don't mind how old are you and her?

Answer 9

I'm not condoning her actions, but her head is probably in bits after your separation and if she is drinking too? I split with my fellow and slept with someone else. I did it to prove I could. We were back together after 3 months, still live apart, and i would never tell him. I am embarrassed by the mistake but i felt better at the time

Answer 10

I never truly got how people can sort out a relationship better living apart rather than living together and working at it. In my world, either you want to separate and try to work that separation out, or you want to stay together and sort out THE relationship.....

I'm sorry for what you went thru.... I guess what I'd do in this instance... well.... I'm not shy so I would have used my housekey and gone in. I'd rather know. I've never been one to bury my head in the sand....

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Answer 11

u need to confront her, tell her what u heard, and how hurt u felt about it, something like this will shake your whole world, because u love her, maybe alot more than she does u. we sometimes fall victim to believing they want to move out, so they can so called find themselves, we have all the faith in the world that they will come back to us, and all will be well, unfortunately sometimes this isn't the case, and we get very badly hurt, it affects our emotions, ego's, and our whole life. it is hard to believe someone we loved so dearly would give to another what should only be ours. when it happens, we sometimes go into a denial, and think maybe it isn't so, but denial keeps us from facing the truth. u will need some one close, whom u feel safe with, to talk about what has happened. but i do believe we teach others how to treat us, and if we are willing to allow them to hurt us in the worst possible way, than they will keep doing it.