Does my weight turn him off?

Question

We've been married for a year, and my husband and I are both overweight about 70 pounds each. I feel that if I were thinner, he would want to have sex with me more. Mostly I satisfy him orally.

.Recently, he got drunk and told me to my face that he didn't know that I was "that big", in reference to the first time that he saw me.

He has refused to please me when I've said that I was in the mood. It has been very frustrating sexually and also emotionally for me. Only about once a month will we have intercourse.

Even though I know he is not a real romanitc, intimate guy, I feel that as a man, he would want to have sex with with me if he loved me.

Does he love me? Will he be more loving, sexual when I lose my weight? I feel that he is not being respectful to me.

Answer 1

No matter what is going on with him, I know for sure you would feel a lot better if you would focus on yourself more and worry less about what he thinks. You said he's overweight as well? Does he feel crappy about how he looks? I don't think love has a whole lot to do with it - unless you think about self-love and caring for yourself and treating yourself like you are important. I think he will begin being loving and sexual when he himself feels sexy and that has nothing to do with you. When you begin focusing on yourself and on making yourself feel good about yourself, he will see you in a whole different light. Then you will begin seeing a change in the way he treats you.

Answer 2

Well, he could be put off by your weight, but if you are satisfying him orally what insentive does he have to change anything?

It's probably more his own weight issue that is sucker-punching your sex life. 70 lbs extra on either of you can rob your urge for sex. You dont' mention if there are any other issues. Is he depressed? Does he have self esteem issues?

I think it was really cruel what he said when he was drunk, but it could have just been the booze talking.

I think you should both make a commitment for a healthier lifestyle that includes exercising and eating right - as you both lose weight you'll start to feel better and that love life you're wishing for may come true.

Answer 3

It's probably true that he loves you but he is not that attractive to you because you are over weight. If he's said something to you about being "big" then you should take that as a message that you should start doing something about it. Not just to please him, but to help yourself. Forget about what he thinks though, if he's got a problem with you being "big" then why did he marry you in the first place? It's also possible that you could just be insecure about yourself. Your lucky your only 70 lbs over weight. Some women are 150 lbs-200 lbs over weight & it's hard for them. This whole thing is probably just over your insecurity. If you know you got a weight problem then start doing something about it, but don't do it for your husband, DO IT FOR YOURSELF and especially because it's a healthy thing to do. Living healthy, being active & in shape comes great benefits such as feeling good every day & you love yourself more because you look better when your in shape. You won't be insecure any more once you lose your weight you will gain more self confidence & self esteem will be so much better. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

Does he love you? If it took him getting drunk to tell you you were too heavy, he's telling you in the only way he can that he doesn't find you sexually appealing. In your place, with that hint, I'd find myself a nutritionist, (look in the Yellow Pages) and get on a diet. I'd join a gym and loose it.... no one has ever been sorry that they lost 70 lbs, hon. And don't get discouraged that it isn't all gone by May 2007. It didn't take you just 5 months to put it on, and it won't be just 5 months to get it off.... But you can. It is life altering, but you will be happier, live longer, and stay healthier.....diabetes won't be in your future, nor will cardiac problems, nor with arthritis., nor will all of those obesity related diseases........ go for it sweetie... Good luck, and you can do it... (and Peaches is full of crap... She's undoubtedly too heavy as well, and is missing the issue....)

Answer 5

You may be in a relationship with someone who has an alcohol problem. A person experiencing this problem has difficulty in being honest. And this puts a strain on any such relationship. Sexually selfish people may display other forms of disrespect. If this is true in your case, he may not love you as much as he needs you. If he will accept the outside perspective of a relationship counselor, you have a good reason for hope. Most of all be honest with him, find appropriate times to share these frustrations in a manner that he may understand. I'm not a counselor, but I embraced honesty in my relationship and overcame a situation similar to yours. Good luck.

Answer 6

Ugh, why is it a man can be a fat ole slob and yet he thinks he has any room at all to crack on his wife's weight?

Guys are pretty visual, so yes your weight can be an issue for him. However, I've noticed that fat people tend to be almost offended by other fat people. Its as if they are projecting their own self hatred onto the other overweight person. So, don't feel it's all your fault. He knows his fat a** is 70 pounds oversized as well. If you did lose the weight, he'd probably still be ugly to you, but then changing it to you lost the weight and now you're probably cheating on him.

I would NOT, however, attempt to lose the weight for him if I were you. You have to do it because YOU want to, for yourself. Losing weight for someone else or an event will nearly always result in failure. Besides, if he is treating you like this, he certainly does not deserve to be rewarded for his insensitivity by you shedding a lot of weight.

Answer 7

The weight thing is an excuse. I think his weight affects his sex drive. You need to talk about it. And I'd stop the oral stuff. Your motto should be "you can't get what you don't give." If the roles were reversed he's probably leave you for someone who was interested in sex. Tell him so. His answer will tell you what you want to know. As for your weight, does his weight bother you? He has nerve commenting on you when he was heavy too. Good luck.

Answer 8

He IS being disrespectful and unless you have gained a lot of weight since you got together he is also being unfair.
Chances are that the problem is not you, if he is 70lbs overweight it is very likely he has a lack of sex drive and really does not want it...with anyone.
I suggest you both work on communication, a new lifestyle that will help both of you become healthier and the sex will come back.
I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 9

What's with you darlin? You have only been married for l year, and I doubt if you gained weight over that period of time. It is obvious that your "husband" has lost his "sexual love" for you. I would, and I know you don't want to hear this, consider a divorce. The reason I say this is - this is only the beginning of him wanting you to make changes, blaming you for his inadequacies. First the weight,then the sex,then your cooking,then your housework,then your job,then and God forbid, your a lousy mother, and on and on. This is just the beginning and I can say that your husband has come to realize that he mad a mistake, and you stop making the same, don't give him "oral sex" anymore. If he can't make love to his wife, he can, as they say, "use his left hand and pretend it's a stranger". Some men don't have the balls to say the truth.

Answer 10

Perhaps your weight does turn him off, but then if he's overweight too he can hardly hold that against you...YOU need to be happy with you...if you want to lose weight for YOU then do it...don't do it for anyone else...don't do it for more sex, or to make yourself more attractive to a man who knew you were overweight when he married you and now plays like it's some new revelation.

Love yourself inside and out...and if it turns out you and he weren't a good match after all, then move on...this life is much too short to "settle". Good Luck!