I was about to break up with her then she informed me she was pregnant. So i married her and she hasn't been able to get a job since. Im supporting 3 kids pllllllllllllus her. And it's killing me. I love her but fukking xrist lady. I could do much better but I love the kids that I think are mine.
2007-01-14 11:07:51 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For better or worse, dude!
2007-01-14 11:12:51 · answer #1 · answered by ~*~Tessa~*~ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You must have love her enough to make three kids....but did you ever really look as to why she hasn't kept a job did she not go to work because of the kids....like missed 3 days because one of them was sick and lost a job or there was a class trip or something or maybe she is tired....3 kids is alot I know i have three kids I stayed home until the first to were 4 & 2 and then went to work for alittle over a year and then i got pregnant again and i stay home...my husband wouldn't have it any other way because it is alot i do more then 2 full time jobs with the kids....who are 5,3,and 3months....plus are 3 year old is autistic so i do more work then he does....but if that isn't a reason for her not working then you have a problem
2007-01-14 11:43:06 · answer #2 · answered by christina c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were a woman, you'd hear that you shouldn't have to stay in a relationship that you were unhappy with.
ahem...
To anyone who actually listens, you have the same problems as everyone that posts here. You feel unfulfilled. Here's the shocker though...
If you feel unhappy in your marriage, I 100% guarantee your partner does as well, and that is why it seems she's giving you hell.
Love isn't so much an emotion as it is a choice. If you say you love her, you have to actually love her. It's not fair to either of you to h@lf-a$$ it.
Step 1: It's not all her fault.
No relationship is all one partner's fault. Through a failure of dealing with conflict and anger on BOTH spouses parts, a divorce is born. The bad part, you can only fix you. She has to fix herself.
Step 2: Fixing You.
Find out what she needs to feel loved. This will spell out YOUR deficiency. To find out, ask her, but you have to hold yourself in check, and not get angry at all while she gives you the laundry list. Then, without asking her to change, and controlling your anger, and seeking her approval, you need to work on making those problems go away by changing yourself. The reason YOU have to do it is because YOU have to be the emotionally mature one because you recognize the problem, and care enough about it to ask for help.
Step 3: Getting Better.
Your selfless display, and newfound marital support will inspire her to change, she'll approach you about what to do. DON'T BLOW IT. Remain understanding and non intimidating while telling her what you need. Keep up with your improvements too. It's hard to change. and it takes a lot of work, and probably alot of time.
IF YOU NEED SOME INSPIRATION: Your wife probably feels burnt out from the kids, resentful because she feels resentment from you, and frustrated from not being able to find a job. If you feel bad from your pressures, how do you think she feels. As a husband, it's in both of your best interests to take one for the team. Unlike taking one for the team with the guys, this one will definitely pay off.
2007-01-14 12:33:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start by getting a vasectomy. You're basically stuck. If she will work at all, have her work nights while you work days. Undoubtably she has tons of excuses for not working, try to eliminate them. Start doing the things she usually does like the laundry and dishes, they hate that. Go out and get a bunch of job applications. Get her a nice suit to apply in. Next thing you know she will be fat as a house. Probably nothing will work and you're just doomed.
2007-01-14 11:29:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made the choice to marry her, and then have more babies. Who did you think was going to support them? When they get to be school age, your wife can go to work and help out financially. Don't think the grass is greener any where else, everybody has there own struggles. Don't say you can do better. Do better with what you have. She could do better to if you want to think about it that way. Be proud of yourself for getting your family this far, don't give up now, these kids deserve to have a happy home. You Can't be selfish any more. You have to think of them.
2007-01-14 11:21:52 · answer #5 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Been there and done that. Don't do a fat chick. They won't let you go.
First thing - have paternity test done. She doesn't have to know about it. Take you and the kids to your family doctor and have the test done.
If they are yours. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel and if you still can't get through to her pack it up and move on. You will still have your kids and be much happier.
By the sounds of things you do all the work while she lays around eating bon-bons. Get a lawyer and go for custody of your kids.
best of luck!
2007-01-14 11:16:18 · answer #6 · answered by asgrafxx 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know u love your kids. So, the first question is do u love your wife? if the answer is no. Is it because she is jobless & does nothing around the house. If thats the case things may be able to be worked out.
And, if its that u feel like u just don't love her anymore- its time to move on.
2007-01-14 11:15:04 · answer #7 · answered by Spotlight 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will be easier for her to work if you come home from work, tend to the kids, help with their homework, help cook dinner, do dishes, help bathe the children, make sure they brush their teeth, read them stories, tuck them into bed on time, clean the house once the kids are in bed, then get up early, feed the kids again, get them dressed and off to school, etc... oh yeah, I didn't even mention getting the laundry done...
2007-01-14 11:46:52 · answer #8 · answered by StormyC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well personally, I'd rather my husband leave me then have him talk bad about me on the internet. If you want to leave her then you should before things get any worse. You can still love the kids and not be with her.
2007-01-14 11:15:14 · answer #9 · answered by shellese2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, thats so inappropriate and cliche. why do men always assume that if theyre not happy with their wives, then the kids arent theirs? You should elaborate if you're going to ask this question...did she cheat on you? Has she given you a reason to believe these kids arent yours?
Take them all for a blood test, all 3. But then sit down and try to explain to them why the only daddy they know wants to do this. Why? Because you want to leave your wife.
I'm not trying to be down on you, but if you;re going to leave it, get out...Just be careful who you hurt along the way.
2007-01-14 11:13:22 · answer #10 · answered by Krista 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow how sad.I think threw all your anger their is love somewhere.I think you feel cornered and where conned into getting married and now you feel trapped with her doing nothing..Talk to her and find out if their is anythimg physical or menatl if not then ask why the laziness and after that try counseling.If she refuses all the above...Sorry to say your done .Marriage is not one sided..Hope all goes well for you.
2007-01-14 11:13:18 · answer #11 · answered by karen e 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋