My man is coming across as a bully!?

Question

today we had a open talk, and he said theres a few things he doesnt liek about me...fair enough everybody has an opinion...buuutt, one thing that touched me was, he said i flirt too much with other guys..

i dont touch them, make any eye contact, or wear revealing clothing...i merely just conversate with them cos its polite to. i cant see anything in my behaviour that spells flirting. i told him it must be a natural thing with me..he said i make guys think they could have a chance with me one day??psh.

he also listens to my phone calls and shouts things out so the other person can hear (like butts into the conversation)...He talks to girls the same way i chat to guys and i have no complaints WHATSOEVER about him and girls, i'm just not a jelous person, but i feel as though he wants me 2 be a mute around men and do things his way...hes really peein me off..

should i "change" or carry on being myself..he met me this way i dont think i should have 2 change my personality!

thanks people.

Answer 1

You're not jealous but he is. There can be many reasons for this. Past experience. Insecurity. Control issues. And you mentioned bully. None of these qualities should be acceptable and you certainly should not change. I don't think you can change your personality, even if you wanted to. And if you could manage it, you'd only resent him for it. Try to work it out. Maybe the thought of losing you to someone else freaks him out. You could try reassurance, and if that doesn't work, you could try taking a stance - my way or the highway, so to speak. These traits in men are not uncommon, maybe quite the opposite. Behind many a grown up man is a good woman like yourself that helped him to put aside childish things.

Answer 2

Don't change.

I was in a jealous relationship once. I ended up hating him, absolutely despising him. We weren't the same kind of people, and me pandering to his spite, bouts of silence and accusations just made him think I was doing it out of guilt. That relationship ended, thankfully. I'm now with the sweetest person in the world, and couldn't be happier. :-)

Unfortunately, a bit like a victim-bully situation, I took some of this jealousy into my new relationship. Rather than pandering to it, my partner levelled with me. Was angry and upset at me, and then I realised what it must be like to be accused. If he had been all sweetness and light, I probably wouldn't have been able to get past it. I am now 100% jealousy free! :-)

Lay down the law. You're not a flirt. If he thinks you're a flirt then he's suggesting you're a bit slutty- and you don't particular want to stay in a long term relationship with someone who thinks you're a slut. Tell him this behaviour makes you doubt his love for you. That he is inventing reasons not to like you. That he must think you have zero personality if all you do when you talk to other people is flirt. That he is breaking your heart by treating you so bad. That his accusation is cruel and his behaviour is controlling.

If you love this guy and love yourself, THIS HAS TO STOP. I have never looked back on ending that old jealous relationship. Don't waste a portion of your life on someone who has no respect for you- who puts his ego before your comfort and wellbeing.

All the best. Stay strong. If he has no redeeming qualities, get out. A bully for a partner is no fun.

Answer 3

Listening in to your calls and butting into those conversations really labels him as a jerk. On the basis of that you should kick him to the curb. That's outrageous.

Talking with guys that he labels as "flirting" has more to do with him meeting you that way. He probably thought your convo was flirting when you met him. That's his problem.

No you should not have to change your personality for this character. He did't give you any specifics regarding your "flirting" other than his own idea. And from what you say, he's not to bright to have much of an idea about anything. Dump him.

Answer 4

You'll NEVER be able to change enough to please him. When you make the changes he's currectly requesting, there will be others. He'll start on your friends next (if I'm right in my diagnosis) and then on and on. His problem is that he's trying to control you so that he'll KNOW you are faithful and "his" in a weird sort of way. It is not love, it is not caring, it IS insecurity and you can't fix it. Only he can do that and it takes effort and help. The key is that he's jealous over things that a secure guy wouldn't even think about. OF COURSE you should be able to talk to guys. OF COURSE you should be able to have private phone conversations. If you don't do what he want's he'll find a reason to break up. (my little prediction for you). Good luck.

Answer 5

Dont stop being yourself, to me it sounds like the first steps in an abusive relationship.. There is no need for him to be listening to your phone conversations, and shouting things out. Heres a tip - Most men that do this have a guilty conscience, so what has he been up to??? I think I'd be looking for a new man..... Good Luck!

Answer 6

A bully is a bully regardless of their procedures, sex, age regardless of. they arrive in all personas, so this diffused bully has a diffused personality by technique of nature yet a twisted coronary heart. at times, human beings do not comprehend they are bullies until eventually they replicate again on their moves and remorseful about it. regardless of the reason, be it the secret abuse, the unhappy existence at living house, the insecurities that yet another first rate individual would face and be extra ideal quipped to administration, I in simple terms walk faraway from those varieties to dodge me from turning out something like them. all of us have a nasty facet-i recognize what my flaws are and that i does not want extra of them trickling out via a warped ideas. notwithstanding that generalisation stated, lady are the genuine b**ches at the same time as it contains bullying, and should be very 2 confronted, able to retaining grudges for a lengthy time period. per chance lack of dominance in society and they are 'sensible way' of handling issues? It provides them a experience of skill-you should coach yrself as smarter and extra ideal than them by technique of responding to them in a well mannered and agency way as a lot as they, which I actual have not began to study.

Answer 7

People get flirting mixed up. The definition of flirting is playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest. You having a simple conversation with another guy doesn't involve that. So yes your boyfriend is controlling. That is not right.

Answer 8

NEVER NEVER CHANGE WHO YOU ARE

YOU CAN TALK TO MEN AND WOMAN WITH RESPECT IT DOES NOT MEAN YOUR GOING TO HAVE AN AFFAIR

MAN LIKE YOUR HUSBAND ARE VERY INSECURE AND MAYBE HE IS DOING SOMETHING HE SHOULD NOT BE DOING LIKE HAVING AN AFFAIR AND HE IS AFRAID YOU WILL DO THE SAME AND LEAVE HIM OR JUST PLAIN LEAVE THE S.O.B. (SORRY FOR THAT)

A PERSONAL QUOTE:

MY FATHER USE TO BEAT MY MOTHER EVERYTIME SHE OPEN HER MOUTH. AND YES HE HAD A WOMAN IN EVERY CORNER. BUT MY MOTHER WAS NOT ALLOW TO GO OR DO NOTHING WITH OUT HIS PERMISION...WHY? BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID SHE WOULD CAUGHT HIM WITH HIS LADY FRIENDS.

SO INTIMIDATION OR BEING A BULLY HELP HIM BUT NOT FOR LONG. SHE GOT THE COURAGE TO GET UP ONE DAY AND SAY ENOUGH AND SHE TOOK ALL HER 5 CHILDREN AND LEFT NEVER LOOKING BACK EVER AGAIN.

Answer 9

If your man is that controlling now, he will get worse. It's that serious. You can try changing per his requests today, but what will tommorrow bring. You will wake up one day not knowing who you are anymore.. The one who needs to change is him!

Answer 10

Jilt this jerk right now....that's ridiculous, immature behaviour and you either put up with it change or leave and I would do the latter.....course if you do actually love him and stuff you can try to change him but that's just buggering