I need advise with a married business partner?

Question

I work with a great friend of mine and we are friends for a long time. We felt a strong attraction and dated since the summer. It developed into a serious love affair and a deeper attachment. He is married with children. I am single. I am feeling guilty as I know his wife. I really want to keep the business because I am not young, and between love and work I would go for the work and my future. I want to try to stop the love affair and retain the work. For this I want to cut on going out at night with him, and all the sex. I hope it works out.
He asked me to marry him a few months ago. I laughed at him. He told me not to laugh, as life was too short.
I need all the strength to keep the work front professional.
On the other hand. He is the man. He is the one for me. But I am not sure that marriage is our answer. Did anyone have a similar experience? Please, no insults. I have had enough of people who insult others without understanding the situation first. Don't be so hard to judge

I want to add that leaving work is NOT an option. This is my work and my life. Should I talk to him? I have been treating him really bad lately. Because in my mind there is a conflict. Also, his wife lately sent me a funny-sounding xmas greetings, which my friends say is like an ''I suspect you'' kind of message. Thanks for helping.

Answer 1

On one hand I think that you should feel severly guilty over this situation- on the other- I think you should give yourself a break- he is the one cheeting...not you.

Years ago, I met a man that was handsome, charismatic, and never home with his wife and son.

He and I were both consultants and usually because of our expertise, on the same projects that would take us all over the country for several months at a time. He didnt wear a ring, didnt talk about his wife AT ALL, and rarely called to speak with her. For a few months I thought he was single.

In either case- he came onto me (when i thought he was single) and I let things progress a bit. It wasnt until a bit later I found out he was married. He thought I knew.

For me it was a punch in the gut and I ended everything. I told him that if he wanted me- he needed to not be with his wife. And since we worked together in very close proximity- I kept things professional. No late dinners- No drinks- No bonding.

It worked for me...b/c I saw him not take any action and therefore I took that as he didnt love me, I was just a distraction.

SO here is my advice. If he really loves you- Let him go. Let him work out things with his wife- this could either be in him realizing that his marriage was over before you or it could be him working things out with his wife- you have to be strong and let the dice fall.

You have to also ask yourself some very hard questions- has he ever cheeted before? If so- do you want to love someone like that b/c he could do that to you.

In any case do not even consider marriage until he has his life straightned out.

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

This is what is known as a catch 22 situation, damn if you do and damn if you dont. You dont really make it perfectly clear as to what it is that you want. I see both worlds and in a business world, this wont work. You cant have both work and love with the same man. If you chose work, then you need to end the relationship, unless his status changes, but even the theres no guarantee both will work. Work dictates that you sit down with this man, explain the situation and work things out somewhat like a merger but keepit as a professional work environment. If you choose love, then sell out your half,keep your relationship and find a different employer. History dictates that a love-work relationship is a disaster waiting to happen.Maybe not now or next week, but there will be a conflict someday that is going to deeply impact the other. Better tell this guy there are laws in this country against being married to 2 different women at the same time. Also if he files for divorce, and his wife blames you,she can and probably will get a interest in his company and a business threesome is extremely dangerous, especially with the history of you three. Personally, I would choose the career as no man lasts forever and is easily replaceable,much more so then a great career. Its up to you and hopefully this helps somewhat. Good luck

Answer 3

Having a relationship at work is very difficult, because you can bring problems back to work with you, instead of leaving them at home. I agree, you should stop the affair immediately. I would have laughed at him too when he as you to marry him. He has already proven himself as untrustworthy. If he was to divorce his wife and marry you, then how long would it be until the next girlfriend came along? I'm sure he's a charming individual, but keep it mind that he doesn't belong to you. And old saying is this: "Don't cut your meat where you make your bread". If you don't end this sooner or later, then his wife will eventually find out. This kind of thing always gets found out about. So end it now, while you still have integrity. This should have never got started in the first place. I wish you the best of luck.....

Answer 4

If she only suspects than you have time. I would put a halt to it immediately before she could gather any further ammunitiation or evidence. A friend of mine is the wife in your story and she is collecting all types of ammo to go after her husband once she's had enough. She spoke with a lawyer and found that if there is evidence that the mistress knows the man is married with children and she continues the affair, she could be sued/liable for damages. I don't know the intimate details of the law but she is planning on going after her. Why would you want to be another womans seconds? Just watch your back, a woman scorned can be dangerous. Good luck.

Answer 5

Hi beauty!!

I haven't being in a situation like that, but wow!!! You have to be careful from now on.

I suggest do not treat him bad, because that is not going to solve any problems, in any case it will be worst!!

You should be very clear to him that you are not up for marriage and that you will preferred if the relationship will stop.
Tell him that his wife could be noticing, and that you don't want that to happened.

I know you are in a real mess, but this was bound to hap pended!!! Sweetie, work and pleasure never mix especially when the pleasure is with your co-worker, being a married man!!!

Stay cool, be serious when speaking to him and DO NOT GO OUT WITH HIM AGAIN!!! If anything ask a friend to wait for you at the time you go out, to avoid him trying to come and talk to you into leaving together!!!

If his wife sent you a card like that most likely she could come around one of this days or night, to get you and him together!! Very dangerous situation, and also very bad for your company or business!!! You do not need that kind of advertisement!!!

GOOD LUCK, GOD BLESS YOU & HAPPY LIFE

ALLIV Z

Answer 6

Sorry, I just don't understand the motivation that makes cheating and destroying families okay. You can't post a question like this and not expect a bit of negative feedback.

That said, have you considered the fact that the illicitness of it IS what makes the relationship exciting? That if he cheats on his wife, he'll cheat on you? Won't you always wonder if "once a cheater, always a cheater?"

If you want to keep it professional, and aren't seriously considering taking him up on his offer, you'll need to have a talk with him about it. You must make him understand the way you feel, and not be weak. It will take all the strength you have to resist him, but you may have to do it to continue in the business. Only you can make this decision.

Answer 7

I would just tell him flat out that it's over (the affair) because it's wrong, he is married with children and he will probley never leave his family. He's got the best of both worlds at the moment, sex with u with no strings and then his family.
I don't understand how he can ask you to marry him if he is married!
i bet he only said that because he knows that you want to end the affair.
I would just walk away, because what about his poor wife and the kids, it's not fair and he's a pig really for cheating on his wife.
If he'll cheat on his wife he'll most likely cheat on u 2!

Answer 8

First off i want to let you know you have guts asking because im sure your getting a lot of hell from people right now. second if he wold marry you he would do the same to youas he is doing to him wife right now. third it is no good you need to stop right now. all that will follow is pain for everyone. i know if you put your heart out there you will make the right choice. and leave him alone. i know how it is to get so caught up in someone you choose notto look at those you are hurting. step back and take a look. im sorry but he IS NOT the man for you he is a liar and a cheat. and he WILL do this to you. you can do better.... forgive yourself and move on but never forget what you have done so you never make a mistake like this again! ihope that helps

Answer 9

You have set yourself in a Taboo situation. I can understand How the attraction built spending so many hours together, but you do know you are the one to get Hurt out of this relationship, hes not likely to leave his wife and children, but if he would, Would you ever be able to trust him? Hes did it to his wife, why not you??The thing you need to do, is talk to him. Start dating someone else right away. You may confront some problems and hostility out of him, but if he cares anything about the business, he will accept your decision and I would not be surprised if he starts looking elsewhere. You say he is the one for you?? Are you sure? Is this the kind of man you want to spend your life with?

Answer 10

You need to put yourself first, take a look into your future and be honest to yourself about what you see. Do you see you self sitting at home wondering what your husband is doing or who hes with?Does that thought cross your mind, or do you self happy in love with him running through the flower fields. There is a reason why this man has step away from a wife and his kids, from the woman he once loved and share the same spark you currently share, and i can assure there is more of a reason then yourself why he did step out.
Did he get bored? did she get bored?
Something happened there and it sounds like its classic setup for a broken heart for EVERYONE.
I'm trying not to pass judgment,but its hard if your like me and would want a honest answer, i mean that is why you posted this on here otherwise you would be wasting your time with lies you want to hear to justify your guilt. you dont need us telling you what you already know, I know there is someone out there for you and i wish you the best of luck finding him soon!