B & Q JOB APPLICATION
This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to
B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.
They hired him because he was so funny.....
NAME:
Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
Sex:
Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will
cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION:
Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's
available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the
first place - would I?
DESIRED SALARY:
£150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy
package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION:
Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING:
It was a crap job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT COULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
TO 50 lbs.?:
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that
runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday
Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big
**** and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE?:
7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes, absolutely.
2007-01-14 09:43:10 · 14 answers · asked by iluvafrica 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Holy cow ! Classic. I live near there.
Ignore the one above me, that was brilliant.
2007-01-14 09:47:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
If i owned the business. no! But if I just worked in Human Resources for a bigger company...Hell yes!
2007-01-14 10:27:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! But a funny application though.
2007-01-14 09:48:51 · answer #3 · answered by cats 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hell yea because he has some potential and a higher understanding of the following questions above...........what an honest person
2007-01-14 09:52:20 · answer #4 · answered by Andrew H. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont beleive its a true story but its funny!
2007-01-14 09:49:33 · answer #5 · answered by ChrissyLicious 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who wouldn't?
An idiot like that-you could trick him into giving you craploads of money.
Just Kidding.
2007-01-14 09:48:59 · answer #6 · answered by Cathy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I've seen it and it's still funny.
2007-01-14 10:45:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes they run the SSA Disability
2007-01-14 09:52:19 · answer #8 · answered by HEY boo boo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would hire him in a heart beatas a salesman he could sell anything
2007-01-14 09:52:48 · answer #9 · answered by booge 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
id hire him as a comedian
2007-01-14 09:48:25 · answer #10 · answered by Dead Birds Don't Poop 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋